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Topic: lied and in too deap
no photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:16 PM
Edited by laurag on Mon 08/11/08 08:46 PM
Over a year ago I met a nice young man on vacation.I was with my cousin and we were really enjoying ourselves. I have been having major martial problems with my husband(been married for 10 years with 2 children)Been separated from him in our marriage several times, he has been unfaithful. He is a great provider and a wonderful father. We have had major issues..
Back to the vacation.... I met this man who I was instantly attracted to...we talked all night, He asked me if i was married and I told him I was getting divorced, asked me if I had children and I replied "No"... I didn't think i would ever see him again so was kinda joking. while leaving I gave him a hug and he handed me his number, then asked for mine. I gave it to him. Next morning he called..we spoke for hours and the topic of kids never came up...he is 3 years younger than I am..
As the months went on i never told him i had kids nor that I was still married my husband was working overseas. Went to see him and we had a wonderful passionate night. The connection was dynamic... I had never cheated on my husband, but have known him to have several times...it's been a year and not a day goes by that we do not talk. I never revealed to him that I had kids.Though several times have attempted. Didn't wanna loose him. He has been wanting to see me and i always make excuses.. I adore my children and pride myself on being a great mom. This young man wants me to spend time with him and is growing tired, recently he said if i didn't we had to cut communication so that he could "get his heart straight".. has told me he loved me and wants to be with me. I don't know what to do at this point , do I just let it go, Tell the truth and risk him never being able to trust me . He hasn't called in 3 days. Please understand that I have never lied about my children or marital status ever. Don't be harsh!!! I'm crazy about this man. I really don't want to loose him but think I have no choice. What do I do? Please Help!! i don/t wanna leave my husband for this man... have too much invested at this time.. But cant stop thinking about the other...everything i prayed for in a man!!! I would have never imagined myself lying like this. Please don't call names... I'ts not that I don't think he will not accept my kids, I don't think he will be able to get past the lies. I am not happily married and found joy in talking to someone like him.Don't think I am ready to divorce but because of how my husband has treated this marriage I don't feel bad about my feelings for this guy...Either I let it go and don't say anything or tell him the truth and hope he understands...I am not a selfish person although in this situation I made a very poor judgment call. My husband has been unfaithful and has cheated numerous times, telling him would mean that i am ready to leave him, he can be very cruel and judgmental. We dont have a relationship like that.

elwoodsully's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:18 PM
avoiding the truth is the same as a lie. JMO

bradlyy's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:19 PM
you really need to tell him about your kids

IndnPrncs's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:21 PM
I think the only thing you can do is tell the truth and hope for the best.... I wouldn't have gone into anymore than the one night chatting if even that without telling about my kids.. We all make mistakes, unfortunately for you this one has gone past the point of "oops, did I forget to mention that"...

If he cares about you he'll understand what you've just said here... If not then do you really care if he's in your life? Seems to me someone so judgmental is only going to be difficult to live with later... Not to mention your kids are the most important and the only thing that matters so if he can't accept them then he can't accept you... JMHO

no photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:21 PM
don 't tell anyone anything....


you will hurt people just to ease your conscience .... selfish

MAKE_ME_GIGGLE's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:22 PM

avoiding the truth is the same as a lie. JMO


agreed

SAEgirl10's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:22 PM

Over a year ago I met a nice young man on vacation.I was with my cousin and we were really enjoying ourselves. I have been having major martial problems with my husband(been married for 10 years with 2 children)Been separated from him in our marriage several times, he has been unfaithful. He is a great provider and a wonderful father. We have had major issues..
Back to the vacation.... I met this man who I was instantly attracted to...we talked all night, He asked me if i was married and I told him I was getting divorced, asked me if I had children and I replied "No"... I didn't think i would ever see him again so was kinda joking. while leaving I gave him a hug and he handed me his number, then asked for mine. I gave it to him. Next morning he called..we spoke for hours and the topic of kids never came up...he is 3 years younger than I am..
As the months went on i never told him i had kids nor that I was still married my husband was working overseas. Went to see him and we had a wonderful passionate night. The connection was dynamic... I had never cheated on my husband, but have known him to have several times...it's been a year and not a day goes by that we do not talk. I never revealed to him that I had kids.Though several times have attempted. Didn't wanna loose him. He has been wanting to see me and i always make excuses.. I adore my children and pride myself on being a great mom. This young man wants me to spend time with him and is growing tired, recently he said if i didn't we had to cut communication so that he could "get his heart straight".. has told me he loved me and wants to be with me. I don't know what to do at this point , do I just let it go, Tell the truth and risk him never being able to trust me . He hasn't called in 3 days. Please understand that I have never lied about my children or marital status ever. Don't be harsh!!! I'm crazy about this man. I really don't want to loose him but think I have no choice. What do I do? Please Help!! i don/t wanna leave my husband for this man... have too much invested at this time.. But cant stop thinking about the other...everything i prayed for in a man!!!
Honesty is always the best policy, just tell him that you were having maritail problems when you two met but also explain to him that you are attracted to him and that you were afraid to admit that you had children .......best of luck to you PS if you are attracted to him you need to let your husband know also. flowers

justme659's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:23 PM
First off, this is going to be harsh, its the real world way of living. Second, you did lie about your kids and marital status to him. End of sentence. Now you have to step up. You played and now you have to pay. Only the truth is left for you to tell the guy. He deserves nothing less. If you loose his friendship its your fault for lying about your marital status and having kids in the first place.

IndnPrncs's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:23 PM

don 't tell anyone anything....


you will hurt people just to ease your conscience .... selfish


ddn I'm thinking she's hoping to be with him.. that means people have to know darlin'...

no photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:24 PM
I'm leaning more towards letting it go...although it pains me so, I think I have let this go too far... What do u men think? If someone you fell in love with revealed this truth after a year what would be your reaction.... I must add heis a very spiritual, church going guy...and believe it or not so am I.

catchme_ifucan's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:24 PM
Your still married!

If your right with yourself you would tell him & your your husband & leave the poor guy alone.

bradlyy's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:24 PM

don 't tell anyone anything....


you will hurt people just to ease your conscience .... selfish
so is not tellin the truth if she wants to be with this person she cant hide the fact that she has kids

missy51970's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:25 PM
Heres what i think and keep in mind this is just my opinion.....


You dont wanna lose a man so you LIE ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN....nothing lower in my book...very selfish....

guyguy1225's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:25 PM
tell him like is !! and your reasons .....think you will feel better just to get it out in the open drinker good luck !!

FearandLoathing's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:26 PM
Amazing how human's have existed for millenia and we still ask questions we already know the answer too...for validation perhaps? I don't know, however you know what you need to do.

IndnPrncs's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:27 PM

Amazing how human's have existed for millenia and we still ask questions we already know the answer too...for validation perhaps? I don't know, however you know what you need to do.


(((Fear))) good point... of course we see a boat load of that every day...

LONGHAUL25's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:27 PM
as long as you tell him u love him and tell him the truth which by the way us guys take it pretty well! he will understand and accept it or he will tell you its over but at least you will feel better knowing you told him!

NUCLEAR326's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:28 PM
Out of all this decsns the elders make children are the 1 who get stuck n suffer later.Tell the truth if u both love each other n u think that trust on each other then u wont be separted at all.N did u tell ur husband bout all this??Do tell.N hope 4 the best.Its destiny,fate no1 cud turn it wrong.We may imagine different things n expect them to hapn but gods will is writn jus wait n watch.Every thing has positive reasons after it.

no photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:28 PM
that's right..let him go...you don't deserve him...


I'm leaning more towards letting it go...although it pains me so, I think I have let this go too far... What do u men think? If someone you fell in love with revealed this truth after a year what would be your reaction.... I must add heis a very spiritual, church going guy...and believe it or not so am I.

NUCLEAR326's photo
Mon 08/11/08 08:29 PM
Out of all this decsns the elders make children are the 1 who get stuck n suffer later.Tell the truth if u both love each other n u think that trust on each other then u wont be separted at all.N did u tell ur husband bout all this??Do tell.N hope 4 the best.Its destiny,fate no1 cud turn it wrong.We may imagine different things n expect them to hapn but gods will is writn jus wait n watch.Every thing has positive reasons after it.

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