i agree its not fair to some to make them spend an entire relationship earning it,but i meant more like in the beginning of a relationship,ways of earning is not getting caught in lies.

No, here I must disagree. There are bad people in the world. Those that will take advantage sometimes for profit and other times for sport. There has to be some kind of built in defense mechanism to protect yourself from the predators and game players of the world.

This is true Mitch and this is where people need to use that God given gift that all have but most don't listen to....intuition.......When your talking to someone and the hairs on the back of your neck stand up...or you get a twinge of hmmmmmm no way, listen to it....Most people fluff it off as nothing and thats where you get screwed. I can spot it a mile away....why because I listen...Thats what makes me effective and good at what I do.....and when I didn't listen people got screwed....and that made me say, "self never again.....no rushing....take your time and listen to those inner voice," They are there for a purpose.

I feel you should always start with a clean slate....no baggage from precious......and then take it from their. Of course if given reason to not trust.....then changes the whole dynamic....but what a waste of true energy and possible big time love to go into a new relationship with no trust.....truly for me a waste.

Don't get me wrong eventually the bricks fall down but not right at first. You need to make me trust you so that the bricks can fall one by one sometimes it doesn't take long at all.. I mean it only took Silv what like 3 days lol

Eventually my arce.....never never should even 1 brick from a previous relationship go into the next one. As the words of am amazing psychotherapist to all that do this. "And how is that working for you so far." It doesn't ever ever ever.

The past is the past treat it as such.

Trust is something that must be earned in my book,



I think it's so hard to trust thou but once it's earned you are my friend for eternity,

So tell me not only how in a new relationship this is done....but more important why?

How do you earn trust.....when nothing has been done to not have the trust in the first place.

I see what you are saying feral and I agree with it. If someone destoys my trust, they must then earn it back. If, as you use the example of a new relationship, my trust is with him until or unless I am given a reason to change that. Is that what you are saying?

Im not sure feral why you gotta put me on the spot like this,

Offtopic

Connie can you e-mail me. It's important!!!!!

Awwww see I agree with this I have been cheated on done wrong ect....

But...... one must still be able to trust others. Myself I believe trust should be given until they break that trust. Then is when it begins to be a learning experience.

I mean if one can not trust anyone and makes them earn that trust then don't that person have trust issues.

Not saying it always works out by trusting but one must learn to trust others in life. If you go into a relationship always with doubt then believe me the doubt will win. For one will always be looking for something to go wrong till it finally does. And when it does they will run it in the dirt.

JMO

Humm yeah it is called learn to spot those kind of people there are red flags go with the gut feelings. 9 out 10 times the gut does not lie to you.

exactly right.

I will give you guys a good example....I have been with my husband for 29 years.....now once and only once did he even attempt to cheat on me. He didn't go through with it....but nonetheless he went and the thought was there. Now I could of made him pay for the rest of his life, which is what most women do...and I could never trust him again which is what most women do. But I looked at it like this. He ****ed up....no doubt....But why torture him for something that was already done and past. So I can either go on with life and trust or be miserable for the rest of my life and not trust....I moved on and was able to trust....did it come right away......no.....but it wasn't more then a couple of months....and I have 100% complete trust.....

agreed earned

Well for two reasons....too show all that come here the reallity vs what "You" think it should be....and to show how ridiculous it is....How can you not trust someone who has not given you any reason not to trust.....

And also to show....that people need to put the past in the past...again learn from it and then let it go...or your doomed for a miserable life.

I agree 100%....now I have been told by many that I am the optimist......I believe in the love at first sight and all the good that is in this world.....I believe all people are good and right until they give me reason to believe otherwise....and lie to me or deceive me and ohhhhhhh you will be sorry. I will never change that about myself....because then I would see the world for the ugly instead of the good.

I extend basic trust in anyone I meet until they prove unworthy of it. Deeper trust will build through time and as situations present themselves. There is no acid test...only time can tell.

Kojack question for you.....do you trust me with everything that you are?