Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: First Date Etiquette
Jill298 Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 16316	Fri 07/25/08 08:11 AM
Lilith, I obviously agree with your first impression of the guy. But are you sure he wasn't just unconfident and shy? If he was, it could explain why he didn't look into your eyes. Maybe he thought the date went badly and was even more nervous about asking you for another one. And with respect to talking about his ex. Maybe he's not over her, or maybe he wants you to know where he's coming from, wants you to know that he doesn't want to be hurt again. And if he was shy and nervous, he might have had trouble just being himself. He might have had a hard time opening up yet wanted you to get to know him, so he discussed his previous relationship because he thought it would give you a window into his personality, though he didn't realize that it would actually turn you off. It's a common mistake in shy and unconfident guys... I should know But maybe not... I didnt see him, I'm just throwing the idea at you. Tho I agree you may have some points and seeing the other side... I must say almost everyone has been hurt. No one wants to be hurt again. Talking about your ex on a first date is just bad taste... and it's a lil much to put on your date about how you don't wanna be hurt. Afterall, you don't even know if you're going to see each other again. But, when you're nervous you forget all of that. After all... the burden to impress is felt heavier by the man. Be it right or not, that's how men feel on first dates. And that causes a guy to be really nervous, he might not even realize he's talking about his ex. I don't think the burden is heavier on the man... lol you should see what we go thru getting ready for our first date.

beachbum069 Joined Mon 04/07/08 Posts: 14325	Fri 07/25/08 08:13 AM
((Lilith)) Did he offer you eggs benedict ?

justme659 Joined Wed 10/03/07 Posts: 6144	Fri 07/25/08 08:14 AM
told him that this wasnt the place for this and I feel very uncomfortable. Then I said my daughter is waiting for me and I have to go now. Said g'night and left. So, we can expect another 'Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last' thread sometime today? They just don't get it, do they ... Good lord no. And the sad thing is I begin to wonder if it is me. I try to be nice and converse, I ask about job, family(parents and siblings) kids, hobbies ect. Keep eye contact, Dress accordingly. And then I get this. What did I do wrong.

RoamingOrator Joined Fri 07/20/07 Posts: 4943	Fri 07/25/08 08:14 AM
Lilith, I obviously agree with your first impression of the guy. But are you sure he wasn't just unconfident and shy? If he was, it could explain why he didn't look into your eyes. Maybe he thought the date went badly and was even more nervous about asking you for another one. And with respect to talking about his ex. Maybe he's not over her, or maybe he wants you to know where he's coming from, wants you to know that he doesn't want to be hurt again. And if he was shy and nervous, he might have had trouble just being himself. He might have had a hard time opening up yet wanted you to get to know him, so he discussed his previous relationship because he thought it would give you a window into his personality, though he didn't realize that it would actually turn you off. It's a common mistake in shy and unconfident guys... I should know But maybe not... I didnt see him, I'm just throwing the idea at you. Tho I agree you may have some points and seeing the other side... I must say almost everyone has been hurt. No one wants to be hurt again. Talking about your ex on a first date is just bad taste... and it's a lil much to put on your date about how you don't wanna be hurt. Afterall, you don't even know if you're going to see each other again. But, when you're nervous you forget all of that. After all... the burden to impress is felt heavier by the man. Be it right or not, that's how men feel on first dates. And that causes a guy to be really nervous, he might not even realize he's talking about his ex. He's right about the nerves thing. I'm usually not comfortable on a first date until six hours after I come home. I can give the apperance of calm, but inside my entire nervous system is short circuting at once. I swear, I don't know how I get through those things without fainting or hyperventilating. Of course it might be because I don't get to do it very often.

awolf1010 Joined Sun 03/30/08 Posts: 7251	Fri 07/25/08 08:14 AM
ya know I went through this when I seperated from my EX........... ooooh sorry!!!

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Fri 07/25/08 08:15 AM
First impressions are important, granted, so make a good one When people get so petrified, are so scared that they dont have fun or make the other party uncomfortable, only shows to me that they are not prepared or ready to move forward.

Gianni18 Joined Tue 07/22/08 Posts: 724	Fri 07/25/08 08:16 AM
Lilith, I obviously agree with your first impression of the guy. But are you sure he wasn't just unconfident and shy? If he was, it could explain why he didn't look into your eyes. Maybe he thought the date went badly and was even more nervous about asking you for another one. And with respect to talking about his ex. Maybe he's not over her, or maybe he wants you to know where he's coming from, wants you to know that he doesn't want to be hurt again. And if he was shy and nervous, he might have had trouble just being himself. He might have had a hard time opening up yet wanted you to get to know him, so he discussed his previous relationship because he thought it would give you a window into his personality, though he didn't realize that it would actually turn you off. It's a common mistake in shy and unconfident guys... I should know But maybe not... I didnt see him, I'm just throwing the idea at you. Tho I agree you may have some points and seeing the other side... I must say almost everyone has been hurt. No one wants to be hurt again. Talking about your ex on a first date is just bad taste... and it's a lil much to put on your date about how you don't wanna be hurt. Afterall, you don't even know if you're going to see each other again. But, when you're nervous you forget all of that. After all... the burden to impress is felt heavier by the man. Be it right or not, that's how men feel on first dates. And that causes a guy to be really nervous, he might not even realize he's talking about his ex. I don't think the burden is heavier on the man... lol you should see what we go thru getting ready for our first date. I'm talking about the burden to impress, like in conversation, making her laugh, being witty, giving off good impressions... you ladies just have to look good and be pleasant.... definitely harder for a man I would think.

tngxl65 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 6189	Fri 07/25/08 08:17 AM
told him that this wasnt the place for this and I feel very uncomfortable. Then I said my daughter is waiting for me and I have to go now. Said g'night and left. So, we can expect another 'Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last' thread sometime today? They just don't get it, do they ... Hey now... as a bona fide ex-nice guy (thanks for the jacket).... I can say that I don't think making out at McDonalds on a first (or really ANY) date, is standard operating procedure.. or at least it's not in the 'nice guy' handbook.

Jill298 Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 16316	Fri 07/25/08 08:17 AM
We have to be smart and witty too... We don't get to just smile and nod lol I get extremely nervous on dates.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Fri 07/25/08 08:18 AM
its written in code

lilith401 Joined Wed 10/31/07 Posts: 19593	Fri 07/25/08 08:19 AM
First impressions are important, granted, so make a good one When people get so petrified, are so scared that they dont have fun or make the other party uncomfortable, only shows to me that they are not prepared or ready to move forward. Beach.... NO!! Fran~ Exactly. What in the world is there to be nervous about? You are who you are, you need to just be yourself and if the person likes you, great. If not, move on. But to be so wrapped up n nerves that it changes who you are and how you act? Please. I mean he has had jobs, right? A job interview should be ten million times more stressful and nervewracking than a date.

justme659 Joined Wed 10/03/07 Posts: 6144	Fri 07/25/08 08:19 AM
I'm talking about the burden to impress, like in conversation, making her laugh, being witty, giving off good impressions... you ladies just have to look good and be pleasant.... definitely harder for a man I would think. Oh, peshaw. Whats to be so nervous about? She is just another human being, deserving of respect. She puts her pants on one leg at a time just like the fellas do. If a guy is honest with himself its easy to be confident cause he can be honest in front of a gal.

ElaineSeekingJerry Joined Thu 05/01/08 Posts: 978	Fri 07/25/08 08:20 AM
told him that this wasnt the place for this and I feel very uncomfortable. Then I said my daughter is waiting for me and I have to go now. Said g'night and left. So, we can expect another 'Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last' thread sometime today? They just don't get it, do they ... Hey now... as a bona fide ex-nice guy (thanks for the jacket).... I can say that I don't think making out at McDonalds on a first (or really ANY) date, is standard operating procedure.. or at least it's not in the 'nice guy' handbook. Ah, but the brand of 'nice' that starts those threads would see this his actions as 'chivalrous' ... you're the OTHER kind of 'nice', TK -- ya know, the legit kind, biiiig difference!

justme659 Joined Wed 10/03/07 Posts: 6144	Fri 07/25/08 08:21 AM
told him that this wasnt the place for this and I feel very uncomfortable. Then I said my daughter is waiting for me and I have to go now. Said g'night and left. So, we can expect another 'Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last' thread sometime today? They just don't get it, do they ... Hey now... as a bona fide ex-nice guy (thanks for the jacket).... I can say that I don't think making out at McDonalds on a first (or really ANY) date, is standard operating procedure.. or at least it's not in the 'nice guy' handbook. Thank goodness, now all I have to do is ask all my future dates if they have the nice guy handbook.

SilverJoy Joined Sun 10/14/07 Posts: 570	Fri 07/25/08 08:22 AM
I'm talking about the burden to impress, like in conversation, making her laugh, being witty, giving off good impressions... you ladies just have to look good and be pleasant.... definitely harder for a man I would think. ^^ Truly NO offense intended here, but if I were to EVER feel the "burden to impress" on a date, or any other scenario...do me a favor and SHOOT ME!! I mean really...while it's very cliche to state, but just BE YOURSELF! This is the precise reason (IMHO)...that folks start out one way and then the infamous "self" appears down the road and someone is standing back, scratching their head muttering..."WOW, he/she sure did CHANGE".

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Fri 07/25/08 08:22 AM
I mean he has had jobs, right? A job interview should be ten million times more stressful and nervewracking than a date. but pays less than your company is worth what I find amusing is the assumptions made on dates. Please make no assumptions, ask me I shall respond, dont read my mind (enter at your own risk ) because then I'm not responsible for what you find ()

tngxl65 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 6189	Fri 07/25/08 08:23 AM
told him that this wasnt the place for this and I feel very uncomfortable. Then I said my daughter is waiting for me and I have to go now. Said g'night and left. So, we can expect another 'Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last' thread sometime today? They just don't get it, do they ... Hey now... as a bona fide ex-nice guy (thanks for the jacket).... I can say that I don't think making out at McDonalds on a first (or really ANY) date, is standard operating procedure.. or at least it's not in the 'nice guy' handbook. Ah, but the brand of 'nice' that starts those threads would see this his actions as 'chivalrous' ... you're the OTHER kind of 'nice', TK -- ya know, the legit kind, biiiig difference! Well if I were a nice guy I'd say something like 'Aww gee, thanks!'

justme659 Joined Wed 10/03/07 Posts: 6144	Fri 07/25/08 08:24 AM
I'm talking about the burden to impress, like in conversation, making her laugh, being witty, giving off good impressions... you ladies just have to look good and be pleasant.... definitely harder for a man I would think. ^^ Truly NO offense intended here, but if I were to EVER feel the "burden to impress" on a date, or any other scenario...do me a favor and SHOOT ME!! I mean really...while it's very cliche to state, but just BE YOURSELF! This is the precise reason (IMHO)...that folks start out one way and then the infamous "self" appears down the road and someone is standing back, scratching their head muttering..."WOW, he/she sure did CHANGE". AMEN!!

tngxl65 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 6189	Fri 07/25/08 08:26 AM
Thank goodness, now all I have to do is ask all my future dates if they have the nice guy handbook. Well yeah! You really have to ask the right questions.... Hang in there.

lilith401 Joined Wed 10/31/07 Posts: 19593	Fri 07/25/08 08:26 AM
We have to be smart and witty too... We don't get to just smile and nod lol I get extremely nervous on dates. I am shocked at this, really. You have nothing to be nervous about. Cautious, excited, sure, but nervous?