I often wonder if maybe they feel they need something to talk about and thats what they are comfortable with? Maybe that just want a no-stress conversation and this is like a sounding board date? LOL heck I don't know..I have not figured men out yet!!

I feel your frustration

Tactful as always

Lilith I've never been married, so if you want to meet me for coffee, I guarentee you won't hear about the ex. If I'm not looking you in the eyes the whole time, then apparently I will be suffering from hysterical blindness caused by your vast beauty.

I'll warn you, I do watch tv, only keep up on current events so I can have conversations with people, while I don't listen to mainstream radio, it's because I've made a bunch of cd's for the car, we can talk about those.

Oh, and guys, a woman should never have to pay for a thing in your presence. I once bought a co-worker two houseplants because she was checking out at the same time I was, and this is someone I wasn't dating!!! (But she is a good friend)

*whistling...If I had a hammer...I'd hammer in the moooornin'...I'm hammer in the evenin'...*

Hey, Lilith? Got plans tonight, hon? How about we meet for some crab cakes and then play a wicked round of putt-putt? My treat!

And guess what? We BOTH can swap stories about our "ex" as we whack the BALLS around!

Thank you everyone.

I just simply can't figure it out. I'm not a therapist....do I look like one?

I knew he was nervous though. He'd talk, and start rambling. If his ex came up, if he'd bothered to look me in the eye he'd have seen my facial expression....and hopefully stopped.

So after he rambled for awhile he'd stop. And I said nothing. What to say? So he'd start again.... ramble ramble. I bet his throat hurt at the end. In the last 30 minutes he did ask me some questions, but come on.

There was no real light-hearted talk, he made everything seem negative.

I like your style, RO! Well said!

maybe that's why he's being hanging out with someone much younger...he isn't mature enough for an adult relationship!

Silver, that jist sounds delightful. Real crabcakes? That can be sorta "spendy"....

RO~ Thank you very much. A true gentleman. This guy wasn't married either, it was an ex girlfriend, not wife. I'd never date anyone within a year of a divorce.

I had one of those "fun" dates recently and I understand your frustration fully. Also I agree with you on the quick coffee or drink for first meet. Lord, can you imagine dealing with a lump for that long? I've made that mistake before and man did I regret it.

Men are easy to understand. All you have to remember is that we are only PRETENDING like we know what we are doing. Also, men don't think, ever. So don't ask us what we think, we don't.

Never let a man control the conversation on a date. Half the time we don't know what we are even saying, especially if there is a ballgame on in the restuarant. So don't ask us to remember something we discussed, odds are, even if we were the ones doing the talking, we weren't listening.

Guys like me, who haven't been out with anyone in... well let's just say quite a while. The whole time we are on a date, there is only one thing going through our mind. This thing cannot be over-ridden by anything, it echos loudly. Our minds are constantly going "I can't believe she's actually here." If you look, you'll actually be able to see the overwhelming excitement in our eyes. Sorry, it happens.

I hope this is informative, and gives you better insight into the male of the species.

So RO can you explain why people give the whole I don't watch TV or listen to mainstream radio line.

It is such a line.

they use that line to make you believe they are intellectuals

But, of course they will be real, my dear...only the best for you! Again, MY TREAT!

If I were in the dating scene again, and my date starting droning on about an ex, I would swiftly inquire..."So, tell me all the things YOU did just PERFECTLY in this supposed wretched relationship"...and once they started I would excuse myself from the table stating, "I'll be right back, I feel the urge to take a crap."

Quite honestly, I'm with you on this one, Lilith...major NO-NO, do not discuss ex's...or politics, religion or bathroom behaviors on a first date.

When I was on the dating scene, this is precisely why my first few dates would be VERY lighthearted in nature - like playing putt-putt or a few matches of tennis or flying kites...but, that's just me.

Do I look stupid though? We all know it is a line. Or worse, if such a thing is true, you look ignorant for not keeping up with current events.

Either way it is bad, as the person looks lame.

Silver~

I actually will talk politics on a first date..... I need to find out if they are republican....

I agree with you - it does indeed make them look lame. Sad thing is THEY don't get it!
Another thing to ponder - maybe he was intimidated due to you obviously being a bit more intelligent than what hes been used to hanging around with

It's a conditioned response. You see, men learned a long time ago that women aren't attracted to honesty. It's true your not. If you don't believe me put on the ugliest outfit you have, walk up to a man and ask "do I look alright in this?" Unless he is gay, he'll say "sure."

Alright, so we, as men, know we can't be 100% honest, but we still want to attract females. So what do we do, we show off in other ways. Now, some men can just whip off a shirt and show off the six pack and that's good enough. Others have to appear to be intellectual. Thus the "TV and Mainstream." I mean I like some NPR, but not all the time. And the radio reception here is horrible anyway.

This is the basis for most of the stupid things men say. We think we are making ourselves look good, when in actuality, we are just showing how big a j*ck*ss we really are.

It's the 'mainstream' thing that has me bothered. Somehow it implies 'radical'.

I am not going to defend the guy, but first dates really are hard. You can be the funniest and most charming guy in the world and somehow, on a first date, not have a witty or interesting thing to say. (back me on this Elaine, lol)

Keep fishing. At least you have a lake to fish in.

RO you are a very wise man!