Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Why do SOME people give up so easily?
wiley Joined Thu 12/13/07 Posts: 19738	Tue 07/15/08 08:47 AM
If I see a post that says anything to the effect of being called names, being stood up, cheated, any kind of abuse, the first thing I will do is say move on, get rid of him / her. These are definitely walking issues IMO. I will never understand threads like...they cheated on me so many times and are verbally abusive, but have only hit me twice. Do you think I should give them one more chance? I don't get those either.

Jill298 Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 16316	Tue 07/15/08 08:50 AM
If I see a post that says anything to the effect of being called names, being stood up, cheated, any kind of abuse, the first thing I will do is say move on, get rid of him / her. These are definitely walking issues IMO. I will never understand threads like...they cheated on me so many times and are verbally abusive, but have only hit me twice. Do you think I should give them one more chance? I don't get those either. lol now on the other hand when I see a post that is fully of petty lil everyday issues I tell them just to suck it up and get over it. Talk to your s/o and get past it

MsCarmen Joined Wed 05/07/08 Posts: 6282	Tue 07/15/08 08:50 AM
Just thinking out loud here and I'm not applying this to everyone.... Why is it when someone posts a problem they are having in their relationship, there are replies like: Move on.....he/she isn't worth the trouble...dump him/her...etc. I can understand replies like this if the poster was stating that the person was cheating, disrespectful, or abusive. But when a person is saying something to the effect of "I haven't heard from him/her in a day or two" or "They are so busy with work and kids, they don't have time for me" or something along those lines, those replies really make me wonder. Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? I come in peace... I see your point here. For some it is a sign to the other person that they have moved on. Thinking if they are not further responding with a simple "I am busy, will have time to chat in...” after a few days, this would show more of a sign. Now granted something may have happened in their life, but why could they not give a short email to say hi? And chasing someone seems a bit desperate; this is what I have made from viewing post on this site. How would it make you feel when someone does not take a few moments to reply to your sending email to them after a few days? I would also feel the need to say that a day or two is not that long, So no real reason to give up so soon. I have seen were people post as to wait a few days before responding so as not to seem desperate. I have not dated in many of years, so I am not sure what the time line should be to respond back and fourth. Its a crazy mixed up world. It wouldn't bother me if I didn't hear from the person for a couple of days. I mean, everybody has things to do in everyday life, and sometimes that gets in the way with being able to communicate with the people we care about. Does that mean we care less? No, it just means, they have things in life that unfortunately had to be taken care of first. I just think to expect a person to be there for you 24/7 and neglect other important things or people in their lives or even themselves is completely selfish. But I'm starting to get off topic now, so I'll quit rambling.

No1sLove Joined Wed 04/16/08 Posts: 10342	Tue 07/15/08 08:54 AM Edited by No1sLove on Tue 07/15/08 08:55 AM
If I see a post that says anything to the effect of being called names, being stood up, cheated, any kind of abuse, the first thing I will do is say move on, get rid of him / her. These are definitely walking issues IMO. I will never understand threads like...they cheated on me so many times and are verbally abusive, but have only hit me twice. Do you think I should give them one more chance? I don't get those either. I see a trend of extremes here so often...either no effort put into it, or codependency. Personally I have been guilty twice of being too patient and staying too long. They are terrific guys, but we lacked the kind of love or romance that I believe a lasting marriage should contain. I have always thought that with work and compassion that would build over time, but now am gaining the opinion that it has to start with romance in order to have any to nurture later. We all learn and grow from our relationships...hopefully! So, I realize I have no room to talk...but at least I am learning. I like to think it would only take me one lesson to learn I do not want to be abused. But I know little about being there either.

BlueskyJ Joined Tue 06/26/07 Posts: 2927	Tue 07/15/08 09:06 AM
Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? I've noticed that too....and completely agree with you....relationships take work....people need to have more patience & understanding....

robert1652 Joined Wed 11/14/07 Posts: 8447	Tue 07/15/08 09:17 AM
Just a general comment This site is quite clear to say it is not an advisory service nor the opinions expressed are the opinions of experts. In general it is a chat room at worst and a gathering of similar goal oriented people at best. People who seek advice should bear that in mind We can only refer to our own experiences. One sentence of "He cheats" and word of advice "Move on" makes a very simplistic approach of a very complex problem with often incorrect point of view. Thanks for listening

astrosfan Joined Thu 09/07/06 Posts: 450	Tue 07/15/08 09:18 AM
people tolerate less now and days!

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Tue 07/15/08 09:18 AM
Just a general comment This site is quite clear to say it is not an advisory service nor the opinions expressed are the opinions of experts. In general it is a chat room at worst and a gathering of similar goal oriented people at best. People who seek advice should bear that in mind We can only refer to our own experiences. One sentence of "He cheats" and word of advice "Move on" makes a very simplistic approach of a very complex problem with often incorrect point of view. Thanks for listening We will now return to our regularly scheduled program

robert1652 Joined Wed 11/14/07 Posts: 8447	Tue 07/15/08 09:22 AM
Just a general comment This site is quite clear to say it is not an advisory service nor the opinions expressed are the opinions of experts. In general it is a chat room at worst and a gathering of similar goal oriented people at best. People who seek advice should bear that in mind We can only refer to our own experiences. One sentence of "He cheats" and word of advice "Move on" makes a very simplistic approach of a very complex problem with often incorrect point of view. Thanks for listening We will now return to our regularly scheduled program

wiley Joined Thu 12/13/07 Posts: 19738	Tue 07/15/08 09:23 AM
ugh... infomercials...

No1sLove Joined Wed 04/16/08 Posts: 10342	Tue 07/15/08 09:23 AM
If I see a post that says anything to the effect of being called names, being stood up, cheated, any kind of abuse, the first thing I will do is say move on, get rid of him / her. These are definitely walking issues IMO. I will never understand threads like...they cheated on me so many times and are verbally abusive, but have only hit me twice. Do you think I should give them one more chance? I don't get those either. lol now on the other hand when I see a post that is fully of petty lil everyday issues I tell them just to suck it up and get over it. Talk to your s/o and get past it Can I advise those ones next time..please please please! I could say...nag them into submission on every count and then post a new thread next week telling us how that's working for ya.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Tue 07/15/08 09:24 AM


FearandLoathing Joined Fri 12/28/07 Posts: 30121	Tue 07/15/08 10:43 AM
Just thinking out loud here and I'm not applying this to everyone.... Why is it when someone posts a problem they are having in their relationship, there are replies like: Move on.....he/she isn't worth the trouble...dump him/her...etc. I can understand replies like this if the poster was stating that the person was cheating, disrespectful, or abusive. But when a person is saying something to the effect of "I haven't heard from him/her in a day or two" or "They are so busy with work and kids, they don't have time for me" or something along those lines, those replies really make me wonder. Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? My advice will always be talking.

TheShadow Joined Sun 08/13/06 Posts: 14218	Tue 07/15/08 11:40 AM
Just thinking out loud here and I'm not applying this to everyone.... Why is it when someone posts a problem they are having in their relationship, there are replies like: Move on.....he/she isn't worth the trouble...dump him/her...etc. I can understand replies like this if the poster was stating that the person was cheating, disrespectful, or abusive. But when a person is saying something to the effect of "I haven't heard from him/her in a day or two" or "They are so busy with work and kids, they don't have time for me" or something along those lines, those replies really make me wonder. Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? I agree, just because there some little things to deal with, doesent mean give up. It's part of growing together and thats what a relationship is about. If you don't learn how to work with eachother, then it wont work. I say if the person posting the question, like, what should i do they haven called back and asking if they should let go or not. Already made up there mind if there asking that question or questions like that. some people look for validation and that doesn't work alot of the time.

MsCarmen Joined Wed 05/07/08 Posts: 6282	Tue 07/15/08 01:29 PM
Just thinking out loud here and I'm not applying this to everyone.... Why is it when someone posts a problem they are having in their relationship, there are replies like: Move on.....he/she isn't worth the trouble...dump him/her...etc. I can understand replies like this if the poster was stating that the person was cheating, disrespectful, or abusive. But when a person is saying something to the effect of "I haven't heard from him/her in a day or two" or "They are so busy with work and kids, they don't have time for me" or something along those lines, those replies really make me wonder. Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? I agree, just because there some little things to deal with, doesent mean give up. It's part of growing together and thats what a relationship is about. If you don't learn how to work with eachother, then it wont work. I say if the person posting the question, like, what should i do they haven called back and asking if they should let go or not. Already made up there mind if there asking that question or questions like that. some people look for validation and that doesn't work alot of the time. That's true Shadow. I never looked at it that way. Thanks.

No1sLove Joined Wed 04/16/08 Posts: 10342	Tue 07/15/08 01:33 PM
Just thinking out loud here and I'm not applying this to everyone.... Why is it when someone posts a problem they are having in their relationship, there are replies like: Move on.....he/she isn't worth the trouble...dump him/her...etc. I can understand replies like this if the poster was stating that the person was cheating, disrespectful, or abusive. But when a person is saying something to the effect of "I haven't heard from him/her in a day or two" or "They are so busy with work and kids, they don't have time for me" or something along those lines, those replies really make me wonder. Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? I agree, just because there some little things to deal with, doesent mean give up. It's part of growing together and thats what a relationship is about. If you don't learn how to work with eachother, then it wont work. I say if the person posting the question, like, what should i do they haven called back and asking if they should let go or not. Already made up there mind if there asking that question or questions like that. some people look for validation and that doesn't work alot of the time. That's true Shadow. I never looked at it that way. Thanks. But that can not be right...it makes way too much sense! Perfect Shadow!

SharpShooter10 Joined Tue 11/20/07 Posts: 11271	Tue 07/15/08 01:35 PM
Just thinking out loud here and I'm not applying this to everyone.... Why is it when someone posts a problem they are having in their relationship, there are replies like: Move on.....he/she isn't worth the trouble...dump him/her...etc. I can understand replies like this if the poster was stating that the person was cheating, disrespectful, or abusive. But when a person is saying something to the effect of "I haven't heard from him/her in a day or two" or "They are so busy with work and kids, they don't have time for me" or something along those lines, those replies really make me wonder. Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? Very well put darlin

Lord_Psycho Joined Thu 06/26/08 Posts: 14878	Tue 07/15/08 03:06 PM
Just thinking out loud here and I'm not applying this to everyone.... Why is it when someone posts a problem they are having in their relationship, there are replies like: Move on.....he/she isn't worth the trouble...dump him/her...etc. I can understand replies like this if the poster was stating that the person was cheating, disrespectful, or abusive. But when a person is saying something to the effect of "I haven't heard from him/her in a day or two" or "They are so busy with work and kids, they don't have time for me" or something along those lines, those replies really make me wonder. Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? I come in peace... I see your point here. For some it is a sign to the other person that they have moved on. Thinking if they are not further responding with a simple "I am busy, will have time to chat in...” after a few days, this would show more of a sign. Now granted something may have happened in their life, but why could they not give a short email to say hi? And chasing someone seems a bit desperate; this is what I have made from viewing post on this site. How would it make you feel when someone does not take a few moments to reply to your sending email to them after a few days? I would also feel the need to say that a day or two is not that long, So no real reason to give up so soon. I have seen were people post as to wait a few days before responding so as not to seem desperate. I have not dated in many of years, so I am not sure what the time line should be to respond back and fourth. Its a crazy mixed up world. Thank you for posting this ... this is sort of where my thoughts were at. I tend to be the one who hangs on toooo long - hoping, waiting, praying 'this one' is going to be different (so far, they haven't been). I guess the 'move on', 'NEXT' advice is something I have needed to be reminded of sometimes, b/c rather than being too selective, I settle too easily and wonder why I'm repeatedly disappointed when someone who 'seemed' interested in building a friendship/relationship suddenly poof vanishes without explanation after 3.47 days. shrug Just my random thoughts from the other side of the coin, I guess. Well to me you just gotta step back and think about the situation n say is this really worth it? if all of a sudden they are not around and giving u signs that they dont want to be around. It means that its not worth being with them at all. Ive been there and say what can I improve myself to make things better for the next person I meet. But you can always call teh person up by phone and compromise with all the issues if not MOVE ON!

heartSoul Joined Sun 08/26/07 Posts: 6038	Tue 07/15/08 03:17 PM
Just thinking out loud here and I'm not applying this to everyone.... Why is it when someone posts a problem they are having in their relationship, there are replies like: Move on.....he/she isn't worth the trouble...dump him/her...etc. I can understand replies like this if the poster was stating that the person was cheating, disrespectful, or abusive. But when a person is saying something to the effect of "I haven't heard from him/her in a day or two" or "They are so busy with work and kids, they don't have time for me" or something along those lines, those replies really make me wonder. Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? It does take a lot a work to be in a relationship. Also, if you haven't heard from someone for a while (a week or two), it may be that they have moved on and you should too. I know people are busy and life definitely gets in the way, but it's like my Grandma always told me, "No matter how busy you get, you'll make time for what is important to you". Just my two cents.....

MsCarmen Joined Wed 05/07/08 Posts: 6282	Tue 07/15/08 03:31 PM
Just thinking out loud here and I'm not applying this to everyone.... Why is it when someone posts a problem they are having in their relationship, there are replies like: Move on.....he/she isn't worth the trouble...dump him/her...etc. I can understand replies like this if the poster was stating that the person was cheating, disrespectful, or abusive. But when a person is saying something to the effect of "I haven't heard from him/her in a day or two" or "They are so busy with work and kids, they don't have time for me" or something along those lines, those replies really make me wonder. Don't people realize that it takes hard work, effort, and patience to make a relationship work? Why would you advise the poster to give up so easily? It makes me wonder if those people that give those kind of replies are really putting an effort to make a relationship work themselves or if they give up just as easily? Very well put darlin Thanks.