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| Topic: How do I stop being a nice guy? | |
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Back to educating more men on this issue...
Women that "want the jerks" don't really WANT them, they happen to think that feels like home to them. Their self esteem has been broken down along the way and they are conditioned to believe this type of guy is normal, deserved, and expected. The nice guy comes along and treats them with respect, love, and affection and this feels foreign to them. This is unnatural. It's not home. It's new and awkward, and they think they're missing something because they don't have the "normal" disrespect and abuse, so they find a way to sabotage it because in their heart they felt it would end anyway so they end it before you can. Or, you're being a doormat and they don't want a pushover... they want a confident man that will take the initiave, and jerks tend to have tons of initiative and confidence. Don't try to stuff your pain and become a jerk. The world is WAY too overstocked with them already, and nice guys are still appreciated... but you obviously need to notice the pattern of women you're attracting and CHANGE that. |
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Back to educating more men on this issue... Women that "want the jerks" don't really WANT them, they happen to think that feels like home to them. Their self esteem has been broken down along the way and they are conditioned to believe this type of guy is normal, deserved, and expected. The nice guy comes along and treats them with respect, love, and affection and this feels foreign to them. This is unnatural. It's not home. It's new and awkward, and they think they're missing something because they don't have the "normal" disrespect and abuse, so they find a way to sabotage it because in their heart they felt it would end anyway so they end it before you can. Or, you're being a doormat and they don't want a pushover... they want a confident man that will take the initiave, and jerks tend to have tons of initiative and confidence. Don't try to stuff your pain and become a jerk. The world is WAY too overstocked with them already, and nice guys are still appreciated... but you obviously need to notice the pattern of women you're attracting and CHANGE that. very well said 
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Back to educating more men on this issue... Women that "want the jerks" don't really WANT them, they happen to think that feels like home to them. Their self esteem has been broken down along the way and they are conditioned to believe this type of guy is normal, deserved, and expected. The nice guy comes along and treats them with respect, love, and affection and this feels foreign to them. This is unnatural. It's not home. It's new and awkward, and they think they're missing something because they don't have the "normal" disrespect and abuse, so they find a way to sabotage it because in their heart they felt it would end anyway so they end it before you can. Or, you're being a doormat and they don't want a pushover... they want a confident man that will take the initiave, and jerks tend to have tons of initiative and confidence. Don't try to stuff your pain and become a jerk. The world is WAY too overstocked with them already, and nice guys are still appreciated... but you obviously need to notice the pattern of women you're attracting and CHANGE that. 
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I see the problems here. First off you are dating the wrong people over being slightly codependent. Or it seems that way in your chosen words. Change yourself. Don't change yourself to be mean or not a nice guy anymore. Change yourself to be more independent and pride driven over accomplishments. And actually go out and accomplish something. And try this on for size- BE PRACTICAL!!! Do not be left checking your expectations after the fact or after the mess. Learn to have a deeper vision and check your expectations BEFORE you get involved. Let me demonstrate- DO NOT expect a wonderful, meaningful relationship from a 20 year old heavily lipstick wearing trailer trash girl with 3 kids from three different daddies that you met when you were both drunk in a backwater bar in michigan and expect love? Does that make sense? How about this one- IF you expect to find your dream relationship on an internet dating site, you may be sadly disappointed in the lack of quality and quantity of reasonable and sensible suitors. And you may be just a tad dillusional if you think you're going to find instant coffee much less instant relationships here. You are just expecting too much. Doesn't it make more sense to be cautious and practical than to get on a dating site after the fact and critique the crap you decided to date in the first place? Don't date crap. Set the bar. Check your expectations. Don't put hope into something that doesn't exist. Be true and honest to yourself. Pick yourself up my good man! Take pride in the fact that you're a good man instead of the fact that YOU picked the bad women. Does this make sense? Good luck!
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would mean I let all those so called women win. And for all women who read this, could you please tell me why you all take some preverse pleasure in ripping a good caring man to pieces? You might not believe this, and it's really okay if you don't, but there aren't any victims here. You stop being a "nice guy" when you start being an honest guy. Nobody normal is "nice" 100% of the time, unless they're planning a mass murder. Wow - you nailed it. |
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I see the problems here. First off you are dating the wrong people over being slightly codependent. Or it seems that way in your chosen words. Change yourself. Don't change yourself to be mean or not a nice guy anymore. Change yourself to be more independent and pride driven over accomplishments. And actually go out and accomplish something. And try this on for size- BE PRACTICAL!!! Do not be left checking your expectations after the fact or after the mess. Learn to have a deeper vision and check your expectations BEFORE you get involved. Let me demonstrate- DO NOT expect a wonderful, meaningful relationship from a 20 year old heavily lipstick wearing trailer trash girl with 3 kids from three different daddies that you met when you were both drunk in a backwater bar in michigan and expect love? Does that make sense? How about this one- IF you expect to find your dream relationship on an internet dating site, you may be sadly disappointed in the lack of quality and quantity of reasonable and sensible suitors. And you may be just a tad dillusional if you think you're going to find instant coffee much less instant relationships here. You are just expecting too much. Doesn't it make more sense to be cautious and practical than to get on a dating site after the fact and critique the crap you decided to date in the first place? Don't date crap. Set the bar. Check your expectations. Don't put hope into something that doesn't exist. Be true and honest to yourself. Pick yourself up my good man! Take pride in the fact that you're a good man instead of the fact that YOU picked the bad women. Does this make sense? Good luck! |
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Back to educating more men on this issue... Women that "want the jerks" don't really WANT them, they happen to think that feels like home to them. Their self esteem has been broken down along the way and they are conditioned to believe this type of guy is normal, deserved, and expected. The nice guy comes along and treats them with respect, love, and affection and this feels foreign to them. This is unnatural. It's not home. It's new and awkward, and they think they're missing something because they don't have the "normal" disrespect and abuse, so they find a way to sabotage it because in their heart they felt it would end anyway so they end it before you can. Or, you're being a doormat and they don't want a pushover... they want a confident man that will take the initiave, and jerks tend to have tons of initiative and confidence. Don't try to stuff your pain and become a jerk. The world is WAY too overstocked with them already, and nice guys are still appreciated... but you obviously need to notice the pattern of women you're attracting and CHANGE that. |
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So basically what youre saying is that you will become a jerk to women so they will love you??? Isnt that a bit of a oxymoron or just even a moron???? changing the way i am for an ignorant b***h haah hell no i am stil a nice guy, and to the other guy no im not 100% of th time but my percentage is a ****load more than a lot, but i dont change its not worth it but in my experience the nice guy loses the race to the jerk well maybe you should stop dating ignorant beyotches. |
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Well I guess my problem is I don't know how to be a jerk, but all I see is women going for the jerks and they don't care if they hurt the women cause they know that the women will come back to them or they will just go out and get another one. My thing is I feel that I got suckered by all the women I have wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I'm sick of it. I just don't know what to do, so twisted logic states: go be a jerk, you feel better about yourself, maybe. Of course I don't really know. cause honestly I don't think I can be come a jerk, I'm afraid if I tried I would end up taking it too far and nobody wants that, least of all me. You need to find nicer people to date. I would prefer to be alone than to date someone who I already know is going to be an asshole. You need to do the same thing..set your bar high, know that you have a lot to offer, and don't settle for anyone who is not worthy of the gifts you bring to the table. There is someone out there like that, but nothing good comes easy. It may take some time to find her. |
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this is a weird thread, to me.....
i am supper nice Love women..in general can get dates.. been in love several times heart has been broken several times But Sign me up for more more more........Love all of it Can't get enough!!
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this is a weird thread, to me.....
i am supper nice Love women..in general can get dates.. been in love several times heart has been broken several times But Sign me up for more more more........Love all of it Can't get enough!!
Well, I can't get enough of you, either.
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This is by far the best "nice guy" thread I ever read. The OP was amenable to suggestions; and most of the poster were dead-on accurate about the issues involved.
I was beginning to despair about the quality of the threads recently and this one raised my spirits! Thanks everyone!
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So get this I get home, check my E-mail. This girl I really cared for tells me in no uncertain terms that she doesn't even want to meet me, though we have been having pleasent conversations sense last june. We made plans to get together durring dec., mar., and both times due to curcomstances beyond my control, namely loss of jobs, stopped me from going to see her. Here I'm 0/3 in the serious relationship department. Heck I even asked number 2 to marry me. Then she brakes up with me because we decided together to be intimate before we got married, in my mind didn't mean that I loved her any less. I mean I was going to marry her for god's sake. I even fell head over heels for her two boys and I wasn't even they're father. I'm just sick of everything, you try to be a good guy for the girl that you like, you try to listen to her, tell her that you value her option, tell her that you want an equal. And what do they all do, they rip your heart out. I don't know how my heart kept regrowing just to be ripped out yet again. The only difference this time is that I don't want the bloody thing to grow back, I want to become a callous, uncaring, jerk; Cause that's what girls and women want RIGHT??? So I appleal to all the people out there, tell me what to do to make this pain go away or numb it to the point that I don't feel it any more. I would go drink myself into oblivion, but for some strange reason I think that that would mean I let all those so called women win. And for all women who read this, could you please tell me why you all take some preverse pleasure in ripping a good caring man to pieces? geee don't stereotype or anything dude. sorry for your pain but love is hard for all of us. 
A whole lot of  in life. It's part of the process to find the happiness in the end.
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WOW guys. I leave for the night to get some sleep and I come back to check the thread and low and behold, the advice and depthe of scope just get better and better. I really apprecate this. You guys rock.
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I see the problems here. First off you are dating the wrong people over being slightly codependent. Or it seems that way in your chosen words. Change yourself. Don't change yourself to be mean or not a nice guy anymore. Change yourself to be more independent and pride driven over accomplishments. And actually go out and accomplish something. And try this on for size- BE PRACTICAL!!! Do not be left checking your expectations after the fact or after the mess. Learn to have a deeper vision and check your expectations BEFORE you get involved. Let me demonstrate- DO NOT expect a wonderful, meaningful relationship from a 20 year old heavily lipstick wearing trailer trash girl with 3 kids from three different daddies that you met when you were both drunk in a backwater bar in michigan and expect love? Does that make sense? How about this one- IF you expect to find your dream relationship on an internet dating site, you may be sadly disappointed in the lack of quality and quantity of reasonable and sensible suitors. And you may be just a tad dillusional if you think you're going to find instant coffee much less instant relationships here. You are just expecting too much. Doesn't it make more sense to be cautious and practical than to get on a dating site after the fact and critique the crap you decided to date in the first place? Don't date crap. Set the bar. Check your expectations. Don't put hope into something that doesn't exist. Be true and honest to yourself. Pick yourself up my good man! Take pride in the fact that you're a good man instead of the fact that YOU picked the bad women. Does this make sense? Good luck!
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Well I guess my problem is I don't know how to be a jerk, but all I see is women going for the jerks and they don't care if they hurt the women cause they know that the women will come back to them or they will just go out and get another one. My thing is I feel that I got suckered by all the women I have wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I'm sick of it. I just don't know what to do, so twisted logic states: go be a jerk, you feel better about yourself, maybe. Of course I don't really know. cause honestly I don't think I can be come a jerk, I'm afraid if I tried I would end up taking it too far and nobody wants that, least of all me. You need to find nicer people to date. I would prefer to be alone than to date someone who I already know is going to be an asshole. You need to do the same thing..set your bar high, know that you have a lot to offer, and don't settle for anyone who is not worthy of the gifts you bring to the table. There is someone out there like that, but nothing good comes easy. It may take some time to find her.
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to all of you out there both male and female do the same thing
the grass is greener on the other side but both sexies do it just remembers it them and not you. If someone does not want you you can not make them want to be with you , I can say I hate my ex for what she did but why ? It just normal part of life . People love someone only tell they do not it happens take care Randall |
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(((Squeeian))) You're just angry right now. I don't think you want to be a jerk and I know I sure don't want you to become one. That's all.
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to all of you out there both male and female do the same thing the grass is greener on the other side but both sexies do it just remembers it them and not you. If someone does not want you you can not make them want to be with you , I can say I hate my ex for what she did but why ? It just normal part of life . People love someone only tell they do not it happens take care Randall |
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I'm 0 for my last 15. Keep on rollin'. From what I am reading you're trying waaaaaaaaay to hard. Take a step back and examine what you are doing. Hell - why take advice from me. I can't figure it out either.
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