Last night was another night that I was not sure I would wake up to see
the light of day... Such FEAR & ANXIETY races thru me when my husband is
loaded & wants to let out his RAGE on me....he threatens that he will
kill me, and he TRULY is capable of doing so....he has punched, choked,
kicked me and has threatened me with butcher knives...Part of me is to
the point that I just wish he would just do it, and another part of me
is hoping just to make it thru'....I had him arrested a few years
ago,and he was locked up for 2 months, released and given 2 years
probation & ordered to take anger management classes... he did what he
had to do, and calmed down physically on me, but the mental and
emotional abuse always continued....the past 6 months or so, his rage
when he drinks, has been getting worse, and he smashes things and
screams and terrorizes me with threats again that he will kill me and
dump my body over the bridge....when he wakes up in the morning,like
today, he doesn't want to hear me crying about how scared I was, and
tells me he's sorry, and he loves me, and he promises to cut down to 12
beers instead of a case, and leaves for work or if he doesn't have to
work, then goes about the house helping with homechores ect....he is a
very kind, humorous and loving man when he is sober....he won't hear of
going to rehab or outpatient treatment....I have been stuck at home with
my 5 kids and have no family or friends to go to, to just get away for
awhile....I don't know how I would be able to support my kids on my own,
and don't want to give up my house to go to a shelter with a bunch of
strangers I don't know...with my 2 older boys in school and my 3 little
ones at home with me, I just don't know how to figure out, or do, what I
need to do....I have put up with this from him for 14 years, and before
him, I had even worse relationships, where I was abused on a daily
basis....I grew up in several foster homes with lots of abuse since I
was 6 months old. I am now 37 years old, and I want to NOT BE AFRAID or
HURT anymore!!! After being cut off from the world and having NO self
esteem for so long, I don't have the courage or the strength to
leave....Negative thoughts go thru my head, such as, "who would want
someone with 5 kids?!" or afraid that if I was back out there dating
{SCARY THOUGHT}, I would only wind up in another abusive relationship,
becuz that is what I seem to get myself into.... I guess I associate
Love w/ Abuse...and how do I break that cycle? I NEVER leave my house
anymore.....honestly, I might go out with the kids & hubby about 3 times
a year....I have become so isolated that I am now afraid to go outside
around strangers on my own.....I am not only afraid of my husband, but
the outside world scares me even more!!! It has been like this for me
for years now, and now that it has continued for so long, I don't know
how to break past of my fears and not feel anxious, nervous and afraid
of everything or everyone.... Sometimes I think that this is my life and
I have to accept it for the way things are, but when I have a scary
night like last night, I want a New Life....a New Beginning.....but
HOW??? Are there any other women on justsayhi.com that have lived with
this isolation, fear and terror in their lives and have a better life
now??? How do I get past my outside fears before I can face my fears
within my own home??? I am reaching out to everyone to PLEASE HELP
ME!!!!

Ev

The most important thing you can do right now is to just take your kids
and get away from him. It doesn't really matter where you go, just go
somewhere. It sounds like the safety of you your kids is at stake. You
don't need to figure out every little detail before you leave. There is
plenty of time for that later. Just take your kids and go. There are
many abuse hotlines you can call for help once you are gone. There are
alot of resources available to help you woemn in your exact situation.
God Bless

Foxy..you've done it before you HAVE to do it again..have him arrested
TODAY! The anger management didn't work, he needs rehab, he needs to
stop drinking, until he gets this, it won't stop. Have him arrested, for
your safety and for your childrens safety. Once you get that done, then
call your local mental health center, and they can help you with the
issues of not being able to leave the house, but you have to get him out
first. I know its not easy, I know its scary but would you rahter be
alive and with your children or be dead and leave your children with
out a mother and with out a father because he will be in prison for your
murder. PLEASE HAVE HIM ARRESTED TODAY, DO NOT HESITATE..it is his
second time, he will be in longer.

Foxy_Lady1969. I work as a Security Officer. You need to have him
arrested NOW. Since it will not be his first time he'll get more time.
He NEEDS rehahab. This must be done now for your safety and the safety
of your children. Take advantage of whatever municipal / State services
are available to you. You must think of yourself and the children. You
must get out of that situation immediately.


HAVE HIM ARRESTED TODAY, NOW. CALL THE POLICE AND PRESS CHARGES NOW.

and if th cops can't do anything about it...do what my sister did when
she had a problem like yours...
have some friends over one night...HIS Special night...

get him "Loaded" real fast so he passes out...
tie him inside a wet heavy blanket in bed...

make sure he can't get out of it...and still is passed out...

get a skillet,a baseball bat,or a rolling pin...

work his A*S*S over,but don't hit him in th head...

in boot camp we called this..."A BED PARTY"
45 folks hitting him,while four hold his blanket down...
can't see who...but knows he just got beat down a peg or 2...
by those he trusted...or loved as friends...

some even used a sock with oranges in it to beat him with...
no bruises...no marks...
just a new respect for th others they choose to live with...
or abused...

and if that don't work...feed him to th 'gators...lol...

As a woman who was in a Domestic Violence relationship for two and a
half years, I can tell you that I know exactly what you are going
through, and tell you that I know the amount of control he has over you.

Calling the cops isn't going to help, it won't change him..it will only
anger him.

COntact your local Domestic Violence Advocate. Take your kids, and stay
in a shelter..I know that's a big step, but do it. I left..you can
too..before I left he put a gun to my head. HE WAS A COP.

They will take care of you, do everything for you..move you to another
state, change your name..get you assistance..

Eventually you will stop looking over your shoulder, the most important
thing to do, is to not leave your children in the hands of this
monster..and to let your kids continue the cycle.

can any of you lady's explain something to me? why would you put up with
that crap? i;m not being rude or anything, i just don't understand the
thinking here. i have 4 sisters, 3 of which have put up with it.....i'm
really lost here.

Slow,

What you have to understand is it's control. It's not something we put
up with. We are pushed down so low, that the control becomes all we know
and believe. It's part of a man's power (BAD MEN OF COURSE). No woman
wants to go through this, but until you can break free of the
power/control..you don't realize what it is you are missing..and that
you actually deserve something better. I honestly didn't believe or see
that, even though I said it..because I didn't have any esteem at ALL.

Diva is right Slow..its a control issue and anything they can do to
control us and keep us down they will

well how do you let someone push you so low without saying i'm not that
person. i'm relly stupidddddd on this.i look at the profiles and most of
the women say i don't want a man to take care of me, why that thinking
now and not earlier?

just feed him to th gators...
they won't tell...

and you can stay in th house...

SLow abusers have this sense..to get us while we are young and gullible,
it makes it asier. They also know when we have been through it before
and are not strong enough to resist the control..this is why so many
women keep going back or pick up a new abuser...until you are strong
enough to know the signs and the behaviors you can't break free

When he's out of the house, grab the kids and go to your local
courthouse and get a DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ORDER which the judge will
approve. Then when he's at home, call 911 and leave the phone line open
and just walk away. The cops will come to your home because you dialed
911 and didn't hang up. Hand them the domestic violence order and they
will take him out of your home and tell him that he can't come back.
Press charges against him and he'll go to jail and will NOT be able to
come anywhere near you, the house or the kids again. You will be set up
with a court date and I'm sure he'll never gain access to you or the
kids again. Your local abuse center has legal advise, group meetings
and counseling available to you. They will help get you onto the road
to recovery. I know all of this because I already went through it 10
years ago and have my own job, home and kids with me ever since. Be
strong and listen to the advice you have been given. May God bless you
and your children!

and if that don't work...

just drop him in th 'Gator pond...

they won't tell...

and who's gonna miss him???

Slow,

I am going to reiterate the same sentiment as Cherub..they know exactly
how to get to you..they see it. When you start a new relationship, you
tell them everything..because you are excited by the newness of it
all...you let them in on your weaknesses..because these are controlling
men, they use those weaknesses against you..and slowly chip away at the
woman you are..and take you down..it's a horrible thing but it happens.

THEN FEED HIM TO THE GATORS! :P

well ccp and dag, diva, i guess i'm blessed because even as a kid iwould
never let anyone tell me what i could and can't do(ask my mom..lol) we
are individauls not property.

You are also a man slow--BIG DIFFERENCE.

Men have power over woman.

PERIOD.

i don't believe that to be true diva. you can't have power over someone
if they won't let you.it's not even about power......it's about respect
for other human beings.

Well slow I understand that you can't believe it because you are a man,
but it is in fact a truth. Woman and Men are built differently and
handle things differently because of our genetics. Prime example (Please
realize this is a generalization)

Men can have unattached Sex.
Women can't.

That's not a choice. THat's how we are built!