I was a forum virgin before this site, I think that I pretty much just jumped in now I'm a thread whore

sleeping

I'll take sex ed

I love skittles

I don't like doctors

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Learn to speak Chinese in 5 minutes!


(Important: Read Out Loud)


ENGLISH PHRASE CHINESE TRANSLATION

1)."That's not right"................Sum Ting Wong
2)."Are you harboring a fugitive?"...Hu Yu Hai Ding
3)."See me ASAP".....................Kum Hia Nao
4)."There goes Stupid Man"...........Dum Dum Wa King
5)."Small Horse".....................Tai Ni Po Ni
6)."Did you go to the beach?"........Wai Yu So Tan
7)."I bumped into a coffee table"....Ai Bang Mai Ni
8)."I think you need a face lift"....Chin Tu Fat
9)."It's very dark in here"..........Wao So Dim
10)."I thought you were on a diet"...Wai Yu Mun Ching
11)."This is a tow away zone"........No Pah King
12)."Our meeting is next week".......Wai Yu Kum Nao
13)."Staying out of sight!"..........Lei Ying Lo
14)."He's cleaning his automobile"...Wa Shing Ka
15)."Your body odor is offensive"....Yu Stin Ki Pu
16)."Great"..........................Su Pah

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists,
Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the
late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me
realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many
years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship
has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will
not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms.
We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own
way. Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each
taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two
sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be
relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide
other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We
don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to
the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take
our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah,
Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for
finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,
Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys,
hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms,
greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and
Hollywood.

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to
invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and
war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault,
we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,
Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U. N..
but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can
take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.
We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.. We'll
keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure
you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to
Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty
your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history,
our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded
liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit
delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one
of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,

John J. Wall Law Student and an American

P. S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda and Tom Cruz with you.

guess they think they are sexy so why still single hmmmm

Clear then it was yellow so I flushed now its clear again...

Which position do you sleep in the most


Mine is on my right side..

I can't tell you or you will get bummped

present

How many pillows do you sleep with?


Myself 3 one under my head, one between my legs, and my snuggle pillow that I hug

In order for me to fall in love there has to be a connection

Napping wins see ya all in a bit Thanks for all the wonderful ideas

Its is a rainy day very good weather to sleep in

cya quiet have fun and be safe

ok can we please keep it safe though, thanks

Aww please cheer up I can't let anyone cry alone