Profile of a Domestic Abuser



The first thing to know about any abuser is that he is a normal man. There is nothing unusual about him, nothing to indicate he is an abuser.

Every abuser believes he has a right to control a woman. Their need to control is far greater than his capacity for love of the woman or the children.

Abusers don't forget about their abuse, they just deny it.

Abusers minimize the impact and effect of their abuse. They make it less than it is which makes us feel that we are over reacting.




Abusers blame their partner for their abuse. They may blame alcohol, drugs, their parents, their job anything but themselves to justify their behavior.

Abusers tend to associate with other abusive men. They invite support for their abuse from other people.

-taken from Leavingabuse.com

Estelle, again I beg to disagree with you.... you seem to have a really warped (or skewed) outlook on what makes a wife and/or mother.

No, I don't.

Being a full time or part time mother is not an occupation. It is a commitment.

Mingle2 asks for an 'occupation' so I filled it in as honestly as I could (not so some jerks could insult me), it's not my preferred word for being a mother, but complain to Mingle2 not me.
And you're wrong, motherhood is definitely an occupation, most often it is overtime work.

An occupation is where you are paid to do a job, and for that, you would have to have been a 'surrogate mother' to have your baby, and then have that baby taken away from you, because you would have been commissioned to do just that....bear that child.

Fine. I will educate you about the definition of the word occupation (also hope 'Blondie' reads this...by the way she is actually a brunette why don't you pick on her for misrepresenting her hair color?) Here is the definition for you: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/occupation
Notice 'stay-at-home mom' is used as an example of an occupation.

When you have a child, whether it is within or without a marriage, you made a commitment to that child that you bore to provide, care and protect him/her as your offspring.

The father (you forgot about him) also has a commitment to the child, in most cases this means he does most if not all of the providing. This is especially true when the children are very young as in my case.

As a mother by nature....it should come instinctively, without ulterior motives.... a mother will go thru' a lot just to do that, without looking for gains.

Again. Read above. This is not about looking for gains and ulterior motives, it's about the father of the child being held accountable by the mother of the child which I instinctively protect.

When the man/husband/partner/absent father fails to provide for whatever reasons, a mother will find her own ways to provide without complains.....without whining, without looking for praises/rewards, because she is the mother.

The man can fail to provide but the woman can't complain, that is very double standard of you to say. Thanks.

even if I had children estelle it would change nothing . I have never viewed men as a source of money . You need to show men the respect they deserve :-)

in the course of reading through now over 7 pages of this, one question enters my brain.
if a person proclaims to be the sole provider, housekeeper, nurturing single parent to a toddler, without any help whatsoever in cleaning, cooking and caring for the child;
where in the world does one find the time it takes to post a topic, quote others for rebuttals, cite sources.. questionable though they are, but sources nonetheless?


Rock, my respects...
it takes a big man to say there is a grain of truth to one of the sources.

I am not interested in everyone else as I am sure they so not necessarily share your opinion about money . I am interested in you . Your profile says under occupation that you are a mother .. So estelle are you a stay at home mum or do you have employment outside the home for which you pay taxes .

http://www.wunrn.com/news/2015/02_15/02_16/021615_turkey.htm]http://www.wunrn.com/news/2015/02_15/02_16/021615_turkey.htm
Growing local outrage

The measures have sparked outrage in the country, with women organizations, labour unions and employer associations denouncing the package.

Women organizations claim the goal behind the campaign is to keep women at home, remove them from economic and social life and allow them just to bear children, charged Zülfikar Doğan, a commentator on Al Monitor.

because you live in turkey lmao .. you have a young child .. And you have old fashioned views of marriage . Do you work . Have you ever worked

well apparently one of them did with you..lol.. I'm just kidding... seriously.
..

Being a mother is no longer an excuse not to work . Sure perhaps when the child is young I can understand the desire to stay home but once they reach school age there is nothing stopping mums from working . .. Even if it is part-time . Perhaps when you start earning your own money estelle you will understand the value of what men do for the family and appreciate those efforts :-)

yes something that will match what you contribute.. or at least come close..... most definitely pat yourself on the back.. you seem like a good mom.. and you where probably a very good wife...

Oh don't get me wrong? I've had to live on a paycheque before I started up my own company and I had to pay a mortgage and raise my oldest boy on it also! I also worked lot of overtime so my oldest boy wanted for nothing he needed! I'm lucky these days that finally I'm reaping the rewards of all my hard work and can buy things for my family that would've been out of my reach, say about10 years ago!