We've shared the kind of friendship
that's gtrown deeper through the years,
We've seen the ups, we've known the downs,
we've shared the smiles and tears
And through it all, I've learned one thing-
That there could never be
A dearer friend in all the world
than the one you are to me.
--Emily Matthews

shop = credit

hot = burn

i had to read most of them more than once to get them right

Twenty-one reasons why English is hard to learn.

1. The bandage was wound around the wound.

2. The farm was used to produce produce.

3. The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse.

4. We must polish the Polish furniture.

5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7. Since there was no time like the present, he thought it was time to
present the present.

8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10. I did not object to the object.

11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12. There was a row among the oarsmen on how to row.

13. They were too close to the door to close it.

14. The buck does funny things when does are present.

15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

adorable

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out
for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.

It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre
and says: "Pierre kiss me!" Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot wine and
splashes it on Marie's Lips. "What are you doing, Pierre?" says the
startled Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I
have red wine!" She smiles and they start kissing.

When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me
lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts
pouring it all over her breasts. "Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the
bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white
meat, I have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!" Our
hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac, and pours it in
her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire. Marie shrieks
and dives into the river.

Standing waist deep in the water, Marie throws her arms upwards and
screams furiously, "Pierre, what in the hell do you think you're doing?"
Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre the fighter pilot!
If I go down, I go down in flames!"

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink.
Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers.
When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.
He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches
it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the
ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the
time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't
want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled
up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what
happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

sorry katrina

There are three blondes washed up on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears
and offers to grant each one of them one wish.

The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a
brown haired woman and she swims off the island.

The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so
instantly she is turned into a ravishing redhead. The redhead builds a
boat and sails off the island.

The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous
two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

you still are katie

yeah, "kinda" loud chris

not much going on now..some friends were here at my place today. i
cooked spaghetti for the group. then we ordered delivery from dominos.

cute pic

here = target

numerous = countless

shack = place

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines gate attendant in Sydney some
months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when
confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been >
>withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line
of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way
to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE
to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help
you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able
to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly,
so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO
I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address
microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention
please," she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.
"We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If
anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared
at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "*bleep* You!"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have
to get in line for that too."

There once was a guy with a 25-inch penis. Of course he was having
problems getting any because it was simply too long. So he goes to a
doctor and asks him if there is anything he can do. The doctor says,
"Well, there is a medical procedure for that but it'll cost you about
$10,000."

The guy replies, "But I don't have that kind of money and I really need
to get this taken care of." So the doctor says, "Well, there is an old
local myth that says if you go down to the lake and ask a certain frog
to marry you, your penis will shrink five inches every time it says no."

Since the guy cannot possibly afford the money for the operation, he
heads down to the lake. After spending about half an hour asking every
frog in sight if it would marry him, he asks this one frog sitting on a
rock, "Frog, will you marry me?"

Suddenly the frog opens it's mouth and says, "No." The guy feels
something move in his pants and when he looks down, his penis is 20
inches! 20 inches is obviously still too big so once again the guy asks,
"Frog, will you marry me?"

Once again the frog says, "No."

The guy looks down and his **** is now 15 inches. One more time and
everything will be perfect the guy thinks to himself. So one last time,
he asks the frog if it will marry him.

The frog replies, "How many times do I have to tell you? No, no, no!"

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch,
reflecting on her long life, when -- all of a sudden -- a fairy
godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be
granted three wishes.

"Well, now," says the old lady, "I guess I would like to be
really rich."

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

"And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a young,
beautiful princess."

*** POOF *** She turns into a beautiful young woman.

"Your third wish?" asked the fairy godmother. Just then the old woman's
cat wanders across the porch in front of them.

"Ooh -- can you change him into a handsome prince?" she asks.

*** POOF *** There before her stands a young man more handsome than
anyone could possibly imagine.

She stares at him, smitten. With a smile that makes her knees weak, he
saunters across the porch and whispers in her ear:

"Bet you're sorry you had me neutered."