i should've capitalized the S in the title

nice job jess

Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something. I
call mine "Sex". Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW
embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from
me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked
me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I
was looking for Sex."

My court case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me
what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would
like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he
didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand.
I've had Sex since I was two years old."

He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have
Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said,
"But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle
revolves around Sex."

He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not
marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would
enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of
the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I
checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife
and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in
the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me
awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too."

One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, "Show off!" I
told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of
the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the
Judge said, "Me too."

When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me
too."

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more
trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day
when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me,
"What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best
friend and it's so lonely."

The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's
best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"

2flashgames.com

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a
sight-seeing tour with a very rich African kingwho was a very important
client. The client out of the blue asks her to marry him. Naturally,the
secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss
told her, don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way
to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.

After a few minutes,the woman says to the man, "I will only marry you
under three conditions.First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat
diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara." The African king
pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, "No problem! I have.
I have." Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to
the man,"I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a
vacation home,I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine
country in France." The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his
cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France.He looks
at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build. I build."

Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that
she'd better make this a good one.She takes her time to think and
finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her
eyes,looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like sex, I want
the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis." The man seems a bit disturbed.
He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table,all
the while muttering in African dialect. Finally, after what seemed like
forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the
woman,"Okay, okay. I cut. I cut."

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the
animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word fascinate."

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo
and saw the animals. I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Good, but I really wanted the word fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was
noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he
could damage the word fascinate" so she called on him.

Little Johnny said, "My sisters sweater has 10 buttons, but her boobs
are so big she can only fasten 8."

This apparently was a real memo sent at a computer company to its
employees in all seriousness.

This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field
engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo
was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor.


"Mouse Balls"

Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units).

Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically,
it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this
procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by
properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the
manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the
pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by the twist-off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive
handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse can be used immediately.

It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for
maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of
removing these necessary items.

nice!!

Three guys were working on a high rise building project: Steve, Bill and
Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, "Someone should go
and tell his wife."

Bill says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." 2
hours later, he comes back carrying a 6-pack.

Charlie says, "Where did you get that, Bill?" "Steve's wife gave it to
me."

"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she
gave you the beer?"

Bill says, "Well not exactly. When she answered the door, I said to her,
'You must be Steve's widow.'"

She said, "No, I'm not a widow."

And I said, "Wanna bet me a six-pack?"

(A) The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
the British or Americans.

(B) On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer
heart attacks than the British or Americans.

(C) The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than the British or Americans.

(D) The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer
fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

(E) Conclusion: Eat & drink what you like. It's speaking English that
kills you.

Man : "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man : "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical, and as they've just
finished up he asks his doctor a frank question.

"Doc, do you think I’ll live another 40 years so I can reach 100?" he
asks.

"That depends," says the doctor. "Do you smoke?"

"No."

"Do you drink?"

"No."

"Do you fool around with loose women?"

"Of course not."

"Well, then," says the doctor. "Why the hell do you want to live for
another 40 years?"

each = other

i wish i found this thread from the beginning..i don't feel like reading
from page one..too lazy

but i don't think i'm in episode 1..i hope i'm in some future episode

neither = both

i'm not from new york, but i live close enough

anal = frugal

him = her

congrats!!

good looking = attractive