Ride

blows

That was great!!! LOL

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off
the lights.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down ... and saw her husband was holding a battery operated
pleasure device... a vibrator ... soft, wonderful
and larger than a real one.

She goes completely ballistic. "You impotent $%#@&%#," she
screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You
better explain yourself!"

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:
"I'll explain the toy... if you explain the kids."


SO WRONG IN SO MANY WAYS!!!!

* We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the definition for each is listed below...

*GUTS* - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you
still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

*BALLS* - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
speaking, there is no difference in the outcome, since both ultimately
result in death.

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control
for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain:
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men..."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

They should be there anytime now. They left around 8:30ish. You need
to come up sometime and watch it. Freaked me the f*ck out and not many
movies have EVER done that. LOL

Thanks LA and I agree with you red, we won't go that route anymore K.
LOL

My homemade potato salad and fried chicken.

M- like to drink.
A- like to drink.
R- great in bed.
I- great in bed.
E- great in bed.

Has anyone ever seen the movie "2001 Maniacs" with Robert Englund? That
is some crazy sh*t. Really wierd.

"We're men, we're men in tights. Roaming around the forest looking for
fights. We're men, we're men in tights. We rob from the rich and give
to the poor that's right. We may look like sissies......"

Robin Hood Men in Tights.

I tried meth once. And that is all it took. I knew that I liked it
enough not to do it again. My mother was, or should I say is a heroin
addict and I know that I don't ever want to see my family (when we have
one) grow up the way I did. I have been through some sh*t with a
"junkie" mother who did not care about anything except getting her fix.

Also, there are MANY items that you could buy over the counter that
contain at least one chemical that is used to make meth. Benendrix
Nasal Inhalers (spelling is probley wrong) is used in a lot of places to
make bathtub crank. I worked at a place for a while where the same
person came and bought at least four a day and there wasn't anything we
could do about it. Now that they have to buy most of the stuff with
their ID, it doesn't make it impossible to get. No matter what people
would like to have done, it is still going to be around. Nothing will
ever change that. If someone goes to a dealer and asks for it, they'll
find someone who has it just to make a quick buck or two. So sad but
true.

LMAO!!!

Taurus

LMAO! Great!

I like this topic...LOL!