The Nun & The Cab Driver:

The Nun gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, he says, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that"

#1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party"

ALASKA:

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.

After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.

"Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00 ."

"Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks Thank you."

As Cliff is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'."

"Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em".

Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting' too."

"Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there. Thanks again."

"More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"

"Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

"Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us."

ESTATE PLANNING:

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

The Tea Set:

When I was a baby, someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys.
Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of "tea," which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was "just the cutest thing!"
My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says,
"Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet???"

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.


"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."

The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.


"Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"


The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.


"Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.


Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is: Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

Titled: A Good Woman From Oregon

Three men from Texas were sitting together one day bragging about how
they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Illinois and had told her that
she was going to have to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a
couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house
and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Michigan . He had given his wife
orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The
first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was
better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were
done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Oregon. He told her that her
duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,
laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the
first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,
but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye, enough to make himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

I couldn't help myself, this is tooooo funny!

Titled: A Good Woman From Oregon

Three men from Texas were sitting together one day bragging about how
they had given their new wives duties.

The first man had married a woman from Illinois and had told her that
she was going to have to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a
couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house
and dishes washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Michigan . He had given his wife
orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. The
first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was
better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were
done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man had married a girl from Oregon. He told her that her
duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed,
laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the
first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything,
but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little bit out of his left eye, enough to make himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

see ya later storm

I have SOOOO many funny quips and stuff my family send me everyday... My family has a fantastic sense of humor.

You want me to share a few more laughs with ya'll this morning? Or I could post them in the jokes & funny stories forum? It's up to you guys?

Here is a funny for ya... my mom sent me this email this morning....

"live your life in such a way that when your feet hit the ground in the morning, the devil says "OH SH*T she's awake!!"

OHHH YUMMY... Don't mind if I do!!

COFFEE GOOOOOOOOOOD! I'll take mine with vanilla coconut creamer... speaking of which, (looking into my empty coffee cup) I gotta get a refill...

You charmer you!

Well I don't "NEED" it, but I sure wouldn't mind having it. I like mine in the form of Tillamook chocolate peanut butter ice cream!

As for your "organic wheat" food issue going on.... phew sorry to hear that buddy. *hugs* I do eat somewhat healthy here too and I dont buy junk food very much because I dont want my son gorging himself on it (lord knows he would too) So we keep lots of fruit around.
But when we go out to eat it is NEVER to a sushi bar!!

Hey Storm,
I am doing pretty darn good.... only thing that would make it better at this point is if I won the lottery .. oh and a 33 million dollar mega yacht!!

Good Morning to ALL! Hope everyone woke up to a beautiful day!!

makeup artist

I am pretty sure I just saw you on someone match list today in fact.... somewhere between page 38 and page 45... can't remember for sure..

You matching hound!! LOL

nighty night stormy lady