Next time you think your hotel bill is too high, you might want to consider this:

My wife and I are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George . Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, we were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, we only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When we checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed us a bill for $350.00.

I explode and demandrd to know why the charge is so high.I told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells me that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. I insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to me, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference centre that were available for us to use.'But we didn't use them," I said.''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that we could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "e have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here," the Manager says.

"But we didn't go to any of those shows," I said. "Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, I replied,"But we didn't use it!"

The Manager is unmoved, and eventually I gave up and agreed to pay.

I wrote a check and gave it to the Manager.

The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque. "But sir, this cheque is only made out for $50.00." ''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with my wife," I replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager.

I said, "Well, too bad, she was here, and you could have."
Don't mess with Senior Citizens

Mario is planning to marry and asks his family doctor how he could tell if his bride-to-be is still a virgin.
His doctor says, "Mario, all the Italian men I know use three things for what we call a Do-It-Yourself Virginity Test Kit. A small can of red paint, a small can of blue paint and a shovel."
Mario asks, "And what do I do with these things, doc?"
The doctor replies, "Before you climb into bed on your wedding night, you paint one of your balls red and the other ball blue. If she says, ‘That's the strangest pair of balls I’ve ever seen’, you hit her with the shovel.'

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"
He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"

The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.

Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"

He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.

She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"

Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches."

Don't forget to mark your calendars.

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide. So next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

God bless America !

P.S.. It is your patriotic duty to inform others. If you don't send to at least 1 person, you're a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward and are possibly aiding and abetting

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin and very proud of it.
Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town's undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper 'final' arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

'BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN'

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker / postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone that she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid's final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.
For days, he agonized over the dilemma. But finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin's tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved, and it read as follows:

'RETURNED UNOPENED'

Jewish Mother: "Hello?"
Daughter: "Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?"
Jewish Mother: "You're going out?"
Daughter: "Yes."
Jewish Mother: "With whom?"
Daughter: "With a friend."
Jewish Mother: "I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man."
Daughter: "I didn't leave him. He left me! "
Jewish Mother: "You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies."
Daughter: "I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? "
Jewish Mother: "I never left you to go out with anybody except your father."
Daughter: "There are lots of things that you did, and I don't."
Jewish Mother: "What are you hinting at? "
Daughter: "Nothing, I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight."
Jewish Mother: "You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out?"
Daughter: "My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone!"
Jewish Mother: "So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?"
Daughter: "He's not a loser."
Jewish Mother: "A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite."
Daughter: "I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? "
Jewish Mother: "Poor children with such a mother."
Daughter: "Such a what?"
Jewish Mother: "With no stability. No wonder your husband left you."
Daughter: "ENOUGH!!! "
Jewish Mother "Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! "
Daughter: "Now you're worried about the loser? "
Jewish Mother: "Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately."
Daughter: "Goodbye, mother."
Jewish Mother: "Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?
Daughter: "I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!"
Jewish Mother: "If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?"

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
Husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?' She asked.

'Hunting Flies' He responded.

'Oh! Killing any?' She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 females,' he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded, '3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

I became very confused when I heard the word "service" used with these agencies:

Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
Public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

This is not what I thought 'service' meant.
But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'service' his cows.

BAM!!! It all came into focus.
Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One! You don't even have to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We turned on
a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in
the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.
The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house.. We didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon, 'He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. 'Sorry I took so long,'
I said, as we drove away. 'That stupid ***** was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat *** downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!'

The cab driver hit a parked car.

During a lecture on Essential Oils, they told us how the foot soles can absorb oils. Their example: Put garlic on your feet and within 20 minutes you can 'taste' it.

Some of us have used Vicks VapoRub for years for everything from chapped lips to sore toes and many body parts in between. But I've never heard of this. And don't laugh, it works 100% of the time, although the scientists who discovered it aren't sure why. To stop night time coughing in a child (or adult as we found out personally), put Vicks VapoRub generously on the soles of your feet, cover with socks, and the heavy, deep coughing will stop in about 5 minutes and stay stopped for many, many hours of relief. Works 100% of the time and is more effective in children than even very strong
prescription cough medicines. In addition it is extremely soothing and comforting and they will sleep soundly.

Just happened to tune in A.M. Radio and picked up this guy talking about why cough medicines in kids often do more harm than good, due to the chemicals in them. This method of using Vicks VapoRub on the soles of the feet was found to be more effective than prescribed medicines for children at bed time. In addition it seems to have a soothing and calming effect on sick children who then went on to sleep soundly.

My wife tried it on herself when she had a very deep constant and persistent cough a few weeks ago and it worked 100%! She said that it felt like a warm blanket had enveloped her, coughing stopped in a few minutes.So she went from; every few seconds uncontrollable coughing, she slept cough-free for hours every night she used it.
If you have grandchildren, pass this on. If you end up sick, try it yourself and you will be amazed at how it works.

DON'T SHUN THIS ONE..TRY IT THE NEXT TIME YOU GET A BAD COLD. THE ONLY THING YOU CAN LOSE IS YOUR COUGH..

If you can read all these and not laugh out loud at at least once, something is wrong!

1. A man comes into the ER and yells ... My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.' I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs and I was in the wrong one.
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Francisco

2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
'Big breaths.' I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be.' replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he h ad died of a 'massive internal fart.'
Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications.
' Which one ?'. . . I asked.
'The patch... The Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it !'
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Submitted by Dr.. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA

5. While acquainting myself w ith a new elderly patient, I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . .
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's your breakfast this morning?'
'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly.'
'I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. .. Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . .
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery... When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read .... 'Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said 'Sorry... had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name

AND FINALLY!! ! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing, further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . .
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . ..
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '
Dr. wouldn't submit his name...

The same thing I thought whne I read it, but I am not that into nutritional foods. But logic, sort of tells you that if the fruits spoil, rot, whatever in the stomcah because of other foods, would not the other foods also rot and spoil; and then what nutritional value would we be eating????
The only thing I can "digest" from this is that fruit when eaten alone can give us more of its nutritional value than with other foods.

Just received this by email and I am not all that certain if this is the appropriate forum. What it states is a bit curious to me, What do you think about it?


Dr. Stephen Mak says he treats terminal cancer patients in an "un-orthodox" way, and many patients recover. He explained, that before he uses solar energy to clear the illnesses of his patients, he relies on natural healing in the body against illnesses. See the article below.

Fruits and fruit juices are one of the strategies I use to heal cancer. Lately, my success rate in curing cancer is about 80%. Cancer patients shouldn't die. The cure for cancer has already been found, whether you believe it or not.
I am sorry for the hundreds of cancer patients who die under the conventional treatments. Very few live for 5 years under conventional treatments; most live for only 2 to 3 years. Without conventional treatments makes no difference, because most cancer patients also live for 2 to 3 years without any treatment. It is difficult to cure cancer patients who've undergone chemo and radiotherapy, as their cells become toxic and weak. Then, when there is a relapse, the cancer spreads very fast, as the resistance is poor.

Thanks, and God bless.
Dr Stephen Mak


EATING FRUIT

This is informative!
We all think eating fruit means just buying fruit, cutting it up and popping it into our mouths. It's not that easy. It's important to know how and when to eat fruit.

What's the correct way to eat fruit?

IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUIT AFTER A MEAL!
FRUIT SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.
Eating fruit like that plays a major role in detoxifying your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities..

FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD.
Let's say you eat two slices of bread, then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it's prevented from doing so. In the meantime, the whole meal rots and ferments, and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach, and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil.
Eat your fruit on an empty stomach or before your meal!
You've heard people complain: Every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats,
when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc. This will not happen if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach.
Fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas. Hence, you bloat!

Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes, all of these will NOT happen if you eat fruit on an empty stomach.

There's no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruit becomes alkaline in our body,
according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter.
If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruit, you have the Secret of Beauty, Longevity, Health, Energy, Happiness and normal weight.

When you need to drink fruit juice, drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don't drink juice that has been heated. Don't eat cooked fruit; you don't get the nutrients at all.
You get only the taste. Cooking destroys all of the vitamins.

Eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice.
If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly,
because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it.
You can go on a 3-day fruit-fast to cleanse your body.
Eat fruit and drink fruit juice for just 3 days, and you will be surprised when your friends say how radiant you look!

KIWI: Tiny but mighty, and a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange!

AN APPLE a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C, thereby helping to lower the risk of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.

STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.

2 to 4 ORANGES a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones, and reduce the risk of colon cancer.

WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system.
Also a key source of lycopene, the cancer-fighting oxidant. Also found in watermelon: Vitamin C & Potassium.

GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content.
Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, good for your eyes.

Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer!
Can u believe this? For those who like to drink cold water, this applies to you. It's nice to have a cold drink after a meal,
however, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you've just consumed, which slows digestion.
Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food.
It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup, hot tea, or warm water after a meal.

HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE
Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they're asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Be careful, and be aware. The more we now, the better our chance to survive.

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the
economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put
workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as R.A.P.E. (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be R.A.P.E.D can apply to Congress to be considered for the S.H.A.F.T. program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been R.A.P.E.D and S.H.A.F.T.E.D will be reviewed under the S.C.R.E.W. program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be R.A.P.E.D once, S.H.A.F.T.E.D twice and S.C.R.E.W.E.D as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been R.A.P.E.D could get A.I.D.S. (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or H.E.R.P.E.S.(Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have A.I.D.S. or H.E.R.P.E.S. will not be S.H.A.F.T.E.D or S.C.R.E.W.E.D any further by Congress.

Persons who are not R.A.P.E.D and are staying on will receive as much S.H.I.T. (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of S.H.I.T. they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough S.H.I.T., please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
Ben Dover, Chairman

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity,
gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

A man was peacefully sitting in his living room reading the paper, when his wife, FURIOUS, comes in from the kitchen and slams him with a frying pan on the head,
BAM!!!
Damn!!! What the hell's wrong with you????
That's for the little paper I found in your pocket with the name "Marylou" and a number!!!
Honey...Do you remember when I went to the racetrack the other day?...Well, Marylou is the horse I bet on, and the number is how much it paid...
Satisfied, the wife retreated asking him to forgive her a thousand times...
Days later, he was again sitting in the living room when...
BAM!!!!
He gets hit with a pressure cooker this time!!! More scared than addled from the blow, he asks:
WHAT THE.... !!!!!!!
What was it this time?????

YOUR HORSE CALLED!!!

1 She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye...

2 My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3 After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

4 A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6 A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was
writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied.. "I can't read."

7 I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct.. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these, yourself!"

8 When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9 When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10.. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote:
"The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't
you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one child. "No," said another. "He's just for good luck." A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog.

*Commandment 1*

Marriages are made in heaven.
But then again, so is thunder and lightning.*

Commandment 2*
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.*

Commandment 3*
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least a 100 grand!*

Commandment 4*
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.*

Commandment 5*
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.*

Commandment 6*
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one;
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.*

Commandment 7*
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.*

Commandment 8*
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.*

Commandment 9*
Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.
That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.*

Commandment 10*
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.*


BONUS COMMANDMENT STORY*

A man has to be very careful where he takes his shoes off, or some Chismosa will give him up.

It may irrate you at first but let it run its coarse and you'll be amazed.... how you suddenly change your insight:

http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vbG5rLm1zLzRKdHc5

FACT: 79,000,000 people are engaged in sex right now
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
FACT: 1 old timer is reading emails.


You hang in there,
Sunshine

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses. One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read:

Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse.

It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely,
Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected
$96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God.

All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

Sincerely,
Edna