Mmmm

Hmmm

what do we have here?

a headlight to a dear?

she is waiting for me
to make the move.

but i am not sure how

now,
she is giving me that look

and i know i should just do it
but i am waiting


hesi
tating


she wants to know how long it is
going to take for me to stop

pro
cras
ti
na
ting

dammit!
i dont like this part
where i feel unsure

not really too clear
on what to say

my thoughts sway

i think

how much longer
can i make us wait

For!
Friends!
Sake!

how much longer
can this take ! ?

oh wait
i think i know

wait!
nope, I don't!

I am stuck

she speaks up and says

Whats!
The!
Fuss!

i say

H
Q
U
S
X
H
U

she says
@*#%!

i say

HUSH

yes!
finally!
i found one!


mother@*#%!


sometimes i hate SCRABBLE

very much enjoyed!

i want to live forever

in heaven



i want to have the knowledge of every man

who ever lived



i want to take it all so that anything you ask for

i have so i can give



i want to be there for any one who falls

to give these ones a lift



i want to walk with man


fly with birds


swim with every fish



i want to look over this whole planet

like every satelite dish



i want to raise all right from what is wrong

beginning with the kids



i want churches tearing down there walls

to show just how to live



i want you to see the world through he

just like His Son had did

thank you all for your replies!

niiice kimba!

WARNING DISCLAIMER ADVISED: this one is rough. this is very personal to me. i kept going back and forth thinking if i should even share this with you. but you know what? this is me and just maybe someone can learn something from it. if this poem can transform a father into a dad then it has served it's purpose.

Please note: that as dark as this write is as i go deep into this tunnel - that there is an even brighter light comming out of it.

Now without further ado, i introduce to you...





"Breaking the Cycle"



[[holding an uncrumbled picture for all to see]]


see this man with the angriest face you ever layed fearful eyes on?

that is Ken,

the first person to break me down and leave me broken.

my


father


[[thinking back to today]]

this reminds me of a man i met this afternoon.

[[standing face to face in the middle of a community pool]]

i cannot recall how it started though
at one point he told me that any man can be a father.
not every father can be a dad.

[[stroking water from my unusually shorter than normal goat i pondered]]

this is so true and so sad.

thinking back to my past
a poor excuse for a dad,

what kind of man raises a son with hatred?

i guess the same man who was taught the same shitt?

grandpa, i viewed you as a saint.

something i assume my dad couldn't paint.

this is deep.

gut wrenching i see.

feeling hammered
getting screwed
nailed to a
bored reality.

still no matter how many hits and twists and turns i find myself
under construction with no definitve estimation of completion.

in short
i want it spelled out because its not enough knowing
the meaning of abbreviations.

i want to be natural without thoughts of needing medications.

dad, your my father.
why do i bother?

you mentally and physically abused your son, wife and daughter.

yes sir! i don't even want to call you my father.

the more i think about it, the more this gets harder.

my dillusion of happiness is wrapped up in an illusion.

you did a great job at making me feel wrong at was i was doin

nervous and worthless.

was this what your father did to you? whats his excuse?
whats his purpose?

did he teach you this?

grandpa, did your father, teach you this?

passing this down from one generation to the next thinking it
was okay to treat your family like crap
while you smacked your kids?

my father always said he wanted to kick your A$$

where did he learn such hostility?

if you claim you didnt teach him do you think he learned
subconciously?

any hoot.

at a younge age you taught me chess.

heavily intrigued, i studied the best.

bobby fischer once said he didn't believe in psychology, that he
believed in good moves.

i love this mentality for which i can't lose.

hmmmm
i find it interesting how i am seeing two sides of you.

those same arms that hugged me and loved me
my father never knew.

teaching him how to be as though he lived life fearing you.

i presume he was abused
assuming he was bruised.

my father
your son
my fear comes from who??

why am i unlike the likes of either one of you?

raising a son is the best thing i think i know i can do.

teaching him love taught to me from my DAD above.

God, your guidance is really all i need as i know it's enough
to teach me how to father.

all praises due to you for blessing me with my son



Connor



[[smiling, crying, carefully holding a picture of Connor i honor]]

.

this is all i have to clucth onto;

my words.
my poetry.

whatever is left of my time here,
i fear
my death appears closer to the closure.


good by drugs.


good by sober.


bury me into the center of the earths core
& i will show you how the heat gets colder.

lay me to rest with one final breathe
as there is no energy left to smolder.

who cares if i live?

living a life without my kid

speaking of which;

i have seen good kids turn into demons.
all because they were raised by heathens.

you fukkin cretin!!!!

yeah bittch!!!!

im screamin!!!!

i gave you my best!!!!

the best of my semen!!!!

go ahead and cut off my head

try to edit me.

Lord knows you already read me.

huh.

washing away every cut with every
tear when you soo selfishly bled me.

FUUUK ME!!!!

NOOO!!! WAIT!!!

DON'T EVERY FUKKIN TOUCH ME!!!!

BECAUSE IF YOU DO I WILL GIVE THEM
NO REASON TO CUFF ME!!!!

just think, if you appreciated what
you hated

and how
disfunctional he could've been
sharing your life of sin
because of what we created

broken down beyond all repair

if only life was as easy as getting you
out of my hair

i wouldn't care,

but unfortunately i do, because
i am addicted to emotions

living out psychologically disfunctional notions

everytime i want to see what is half of mine
you always remind me of why i despise you

lie after lie you supplied when i gave you
the best of me

our son being the greatest proof

my word.

the truth.


the poetry.

my roots.

here is the bitterness
i can't shake loose

go ahead and kick the chair
where you tied my noose

some say the way to a man's heart is through his mouth

but, this isn't the case if he is gay.. i am not gay

this i know.. women are different

they see things differently.. according to man

men are men.. woman are woman

either way we seem to disagree, similarly


when a woman wants to be with a woman

it's because she doesn't want to be with a man


and a man who wants to be with a man.. no different


i choose not to judge.. i choose not to budge

i find it more comforting to choose drugs over love

it's easy to stay disconnected when your already.. unplugged

i shrug.. you see.. life isn't always what you thought it ought to be


sometimes we have to sacrifice what we can't eat for some sleep

other times we find peace in war

as usual my mind is sore

awestruck stuck struck

fuked, plucking that chord

no longer can i be stronger moving forth

knowing why for.. i am a door..

double locked.. dead bolt and chained

inside a cage

a beast best left untammed

caring less and less about what others deem strange

aging while pacing back and forth
off course
of course
im on the top floor of a castle

not
to be ignored

where i am it's neurotic
mage

knowing you know i know we're all

deranged

a$$holes

who care

living in and out of our own nightmares

pointing in mirrored reflections selecting no one else to blame

for what is sane.. i hail all praises due to others as shrewd

getting screwed by mary jane

knowing every
day is all the same

blocked in.. shivering.. unquivering.. blanketing the pains

knowing when
i was falling all i had to do was reach for that
cane.. my source of comfort temporarily nurturing

a thought
without you i find heart to mind so discouraging

my seed.. my offspring.. frantically plotting

creeping.. crawling.. shadow brawling

craving the need to exceed all the wantings

warning.. warning.. this is me rotting

a scene seen screened as haunting

living without you my son

knowing that you are all i want

rest assured.. i always toss at a loss without you


i can't sleep


even harder to breathe
when you are all i need

food doesn't mean shitt.. without you i can't sleep

here i go again counting an infinity of sheep

wiping these tears that my eyes always bleed

Jesus,
why me?

God,
why not she?

where is the heart she ripped out of me?

oh god.. you make it hard to believe

how something so precious came from the flesh that is we

her and me..i want to believe we were never mean't to be

sharing the same idealistic destinies

caught up inbetween her, you, and me

to raise up a son for fun.. can't be free

as i pay the consequence through self pittied misery

o..m..M..G thee intensity!

yes God! i do believe!

the difference between one
plus three


the father
our sons

and the
holy trinity


please make me see

atleast, help me sleep

because i sure'em getting tired
of counting all these sheep.

sure.

you can see my palm.

only you took it
a step further.

you wanted to touch it.

you didn't ask
to touch it.

you wanted to see it.

you say look into your eyes
and lend you an ear.

as you persist to insist i
tell you about my past
with a tongue i'd rather not
share.

ok.

where do i start?

your index finger on my palm
gently swept across as if
breezed through thin air.

on a whim my mouth stares.

as my skin begins to create
little bumps.

i feel the pressures of what
it is you want.

it is not gold or money.

oil or honey.

the seriousness of what
would otherwise be funny.

you thought you saw me
in your wettest of dreams
cumming.

truth be cold.

i don't need shoes
to leap when i'm running.

i am gunning with lips
that sink battle ships.

i am cunning with this
evidence you need
i am shredding.

knowing you want more
than my psyche.

how do i say this
without being polite?

oh yeah.

right.

you are looking too deep.
staring at me when you
are asleep.

gnawing and clawing me
piece by piece

torn apart.

when all you really want
is whats burried deep
within this

heart.

the world is going to spin
regardless
of where we stand on it

the hardest part to imagine
perhaps
is where we end up
stranded on it

i am a tool
you are a fool

you, a tool
me, a fool

either way we look
at this the wind blew
where the skies blue

dusk til
the clouds sway
grey with sorrow

knowing not
what is lived

as in comparisons
to a
better tomorrow

plead
the seed
to feed
and heed
the path
you lead
to shower

greed
doesnt need rain to
cover the same
shades that follow

be yourself
regardless of pain

be yourself without
knowing your name

play yourself
as if solitaire
was your game

and justice
be you

no reason
to explain

be happy regardless

with holes cuts and stains

i likey!

this is not me


another mind has taken over control of my body


these feet move beside me as i am walking


i am not a people person for certain i am a wall thing


one that can use more sun without the watering


i prefer being me


i enjoy being thee


person uncertain walking paths without destinies


knowing anything else is considered the rest of me


god willing i don't want to hurt those closest to me


i just want people to like me without falling in love with me


me me me me me


i sound as vain as a hijacked train


let me rephrase that


i am more identical to a falling plane


go ahead and point the finger at me and push the blame


i am no devil or arch angel


give me a moment


let me explain


i really dont know what is happening to me


i am really unsure whether or not i am merely


dodging my own blasphemies


under this weather the rain coaxing allergies


i remember a time when i contended for salaries


now here is the rhyme where i just sit back and laugh at me


seriously


where is the he who is me?


who am i? and why must this be?


living in a reality killed by a fatality when mixed with a fantasy


i will never know both heaven and hell no matter how hard i think


analytically


i can not feel the two simultaneously


imagine living in both visually


when it is most impossible biblically


i can only be one me


honestly


if i am not myself than


who do you want me to be?


i have lived on both easy street


and that avenue called struggling


i have been irrate under moments unhumbling


i have been most modest at best when i am hovering


using psychological blankets for covering


up my feet when i was knee deep in fish


i have even stood in water where i could careless


as i piss


adding to the insanity of humanity i prefer broke


over rich


in the matrix


i am just another glitch


in this world


i want to be alone


i dont want to be strapped


to what i can have


in someone elses home


i wanna be the shy guy


who tries to reprise


whence whispering megaphoned


i am 34

when i want to be a 100 degrees


i want to swing on the the branches of


every fit tree


without everyone looking


i want no one to see


when i am dead


i want to have no regret


as long as i know


i was just

ME

well said Sadie

great write Les

Thanks Les!

thank you

kevin
sadie
U2U
winterblue
ainjel
2KM
vicki
rhonlynn

i agree Ainjel.

Sherrie, that is i haven't heard that one. thanks for sharing

one more. this guy is genius!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KnGNOiFll4

watch this one and you will see why..

my two loves combined so well.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GZJnfBSW3Y&feature=player_embedded

(please copy and paste this and see for yourself)

already you can tell the word 'satisfied' should not be applied

both shoes tied together, climbing a mountain of forever

making what is difficult involves trifling meausures

as the headless could careless about being clever

when severed.



when you don't know how to reply it is easy to say

'whatever' you can when you don't give a damn

about how your body feels about getting a farmers tan

you see you believe you would take me more serious

if this was written with a pen as opposed to a crayon.



on whatever hand there is no satisfaction when you

constantly look in the mirror and fear no attraction

and every clear thought becomes curved by an obscure

view of you to create an uncomfortable distraction

'that' can only leave your hands pissed because their

wrists are cuffed.



look around the edges and you will see these soft hands

could be rough. where i am good at using the hate i have

for myself covered up by those of whom i express my love

which all in all 'means' whatever we do we will always know

that one more breathe before our final rest would at best be

not enough


.