Being shy doesn't make somebody nice. It just means that you're hiding what you're really like. Likewise, being a bit forward with women does not make someone bad.

You seem to think that you deserve women for being nice and that nice guys couldn't possibly compete with bad guys because not only are bad guys not shy but they have no scruples at all about getting the women that nice guys deserve. You would think that there would be guys then, that are alright and not shy but alas, only two types of guys.

It's a bit presumptious and churlish of you to call yourself nice and other guys bad just because they're getting the women and you aren't. How do you know that they're bad? You think that you deserve women because you're nice but if you're shy how can they know that? How do you know that the "bad guy" isn't just putting on a front to get women and is that what makes him bad? How do you know that he's not really a nice guy?

What do you mean by "bad"? Is it being the sort of guy that gets girlfriends? Is it the sort of guy that tries to chat up women because he wants to have sex with them? Isn't it the truth that you're just too shy to do that but you want the same thing that they want? No point in complaining that you didn't get the girl if you didn't even try and if you didn't want to have your wicked way with her what's the problem?

It is an unworkable idea and wouldn't stand up in court but other things are mood killers as well, like fiddling about with condoms and producing STD test certificates and we don't think that they're a joke. The only real difference is that this wouldn't really protect you.

I don't know which laws you mean but it is true that in recent years there have been changes in the ways that sex offences are handled by courts. If you really want to talk about current events, then there are a lot of sex crimes coming to light now that were kept quiet before, such as the Cosby case in America and all of the celebrety paedophiles in the UK. Victims need to not be afraid to come forward and they will if they think that they're going to be believed and not made to be subjected to an ordeal like another rape.

There are definetely some people that are quite pompous when it comes to moral values. Definetely some people like that on this forum, even. I would say that if they're dogmatic and preachy types that constantly drone on about the depravity they see in others they're not on any middle ground and you can't really have a conversation with someone that attacks you about that stuff. Just an argument.

The main thing is to not take yourself too seriously, I would say. There's nothing worse than humourless self-important do-gooder types. Most busybodies undoubtably consider themselves to be helping people but they're annoying.

TL; DR If you don't want people to think that you like to get on your high horse just don't be a pompous snob.

Yeah but could you tell us a bit more about what the women in London are like?

They'll be banning you from marrying your thirteen year old cousins next.

If any guy uses that ap it's just so that he can boast to his friends. It could also be used to blackmail people that were having afairs or people that want to keep their private lives private.

Cosmic. Have you tried any of the other buttons and what do they do?

He doesn't want to move and it sounds like he doesn't see a future in it and he's just making the most of it until you finish it. It sounds like you will decide to finish it sooner or later because if you don't want to live where he wants to live and when you get together you don't do anything much and don't go out and even if you do care about him that's not a lot of fun really and he knows that you could meet somebody else that wouldn't be a burden and could take you out dancing or whatever.

In short, you're both avoiding the issue because you feel that your relationship is doomed and it does sound like you want to know where you stand now; visa vis exclusivity; because if you can date other people and you agree upon that you're not trapped and when someone better comes along it's bye bye loser and it was nice knowing you.

You need to think about what you really want and if you are just stringing him along and if you are happy continuing like this.

Some women that play those games can be quite guarded about talking about real life stuff. A lot of trolling goes on in internet gaming and there's been some controvesy in recent years about sexism in video gaming that's been stirred up by "feminists" like Anita Sarkeesian. Google her. She's an idiot that says things like the courts have a moral obligation to believe someone if she's a woman.

Girl gamers are still a minority, although that's more to do with platforms like Xbox having games that mainly boys like. She may well look forward to playing with you and likes being included and being friends. Maybe she doesn't even mind you hitting on her. Feminists don't tend to like that sort of thing because they think it's about power and male domination but she's got the power really if she just keeps giving you the brush off.

So, it's alright if it's not their fault then maybe. It seems like if people think that it's a medical condition they might accept it but if not it's just considered to be offensive.

It's just that I saw this guy on a chat show once that had man boobs and he said that he never had any problems getting girlfriends because, according to him, women aren't superficial like that. This was around the time that man boobs were being discussed in the media and it could be a matter of public awareness. It's out of ignorance, after all, when people are nasty to people that have certain deformities and disabilities.

It's just that the smelly don't often go up to people and tell them that they can't help it I suppose because it's still not socially acceptable maybe and they probably don't want to get into a discussion about why they smell; like when fat people say it's their glands. It's not as bad as being fat though and that's kind of socially acceptable and some people find it atractive. People that smell must be quite lonely because other people find their very presence offensive and they shun them. Many of them most likely end up living in denial and try to pass it off as somebody else.

I suppose it's one of those things where it's a no if they're like that when you meet them but if they became like that later you might tolerate it; even grow old together. I know loads of old married people that smell a bit, although they do often seem quite grumpy with each other.

Let's assume that they're absolutely super in just about every other way but they smell a bit like rotten cabbages or something.

This all sounds a bit judgmental to me and I don't really like your use of the word "toys" there. What, pray tell, is the difference between my guitar collection and a woman's wardrobe full of expensive shoes?

I suppose one thing that it has going for it is that it's easier to talk to people like this and to ask them out if you don't have enough confidence to do it face to face. It's not just a matter of confidence perhaps. You can meet people that you would be unlikely to meet otherwise.

I don't just mean people from other places. I haven't hung about with "the young crowd" since I was in my twenties but I've met women that age because I was on here. I didn't have much confidence and nothing much was happening anyway when I came on here and now I'm back where I started and feeling like that again but it "worked" to a certain extent I suppose. I got something out of it and there are never any guarantees that it's going to work out with anybody.

Yeah, I very ocasionally get messages from people about things that I've posted in the forums. Usually it's just someone wanting to tell me that they think that I'm funny. I once got a message from a racist guy that was posting about how he wanted a woman that thought like he did and he asked me why I was posting in his thread and not the "N word" thread.

Most mail from other regular posters is a bit gossipy though and I don't really get involved in that. I have been friendly with a few of the ladies from the forums though and there was even some talk about meeting up sometime with a couple of them; although nothing came from it and I've only met local people from this site that haven't been from the forums.

Apart from that, I generally just ignore messages from people that live too far away that I don't know and don't say anything interesting. I suppose these days I just can't be bothered with these random people that latch onto you as their new friend and tell you about their dull lives and ask you about yours. I've had a few telling me about other guys that they were chatting with or dating, as if they expected me to give them advice.

And oh yeah, thanks BTW to Realcarebear when you sent me that hug when there was that unpleasantness in that thread I started a while back. I couldn't hug you back because this message came up saying that I was banned because of complaints and that if there was an "error" my acount would be reinstated.

The thing is that there are people on this forum that have nothing better to do than complain to the mods about other posters that they don't like, so as I said, I'm not really part of the inner circle here that think that it's "their forum" and I don't talk to them.

In the part of Scotland that I'm from a couple of the things that "authentic" Scots do is to often pronounce "a" as "A" (or "ay" phonetically, I suppose). So that you would say "cayrd" instead of "card" and oddly "clays", rather than "clothes". The hardened A occurs quite a lot anyway.

Another thing is that we often drop the letter T. Some people would even say that we "drap" it but that's maistly people from Glaysgay. There's a town near Edinburgh called Haddington and my mother used to laugh about how a woman that she knew that had a very strong accent pronounced it. It actually became monosylabic when she said it but part of that is just saying the word really quickly, or kind of grunting it. It was just like "Hayd" with a sort of "n" sound at the end.

There's a lot of slurring anyway and I think that probably doesn't help too much with being constantly stereotyped as a nation of drunks but I suppose that these speach patterns were originally developed by people that did do a fair bit of drinking.

Yeah but is washing your clothes against your religion?

Yeah but to be fair, the guys that aren't good looking probably aren't getting any action at all.

There's always a downside to being an exceptional individual. Celebrities don't have it easy and rich people don't know if people just want them for their money and stuff. It's just that you, as a good looking man, have more problems to face in your life than most, as you never fail to point out.

There are four possibilities here though. 1: You have been getting replies from ladies that you messaged, who actually told you that you look too good looking to not be a player. 2: You imagined that, or it's a theory. 3: You came to that conclusion from things that you read on these forums.

You're good looking and people think that you're a player. This statement sounds the same as the proposition that they think that you're a player because you're good looking. However, there is a logical fallacy here and it's far more likely that they think that about you because 4: you put things on your profile about wanting rumpy pumpy and asked them for it in messages about a thousand bloody times.

You could also ask why Carrie can't find a good man in her own area. As I understand it though, it's because she doesn't have much time for real life dating because she has kids to look after and that's why she chats with blokes on the internet herself.

It's a weird situation for sure. I know that over a period of two years you can feel that you really know somebody that you only know on the internet. I had a penpal myself on here that I corresponded with that long and it felt like a good friendship. Sometimes you can feel that you know people on television better than you know the real people in your life. With the SKYPE thing it's interactive as well.

I'm not sure what to advise you. I'm inclined to agree with Joyce PacificStar there but then I think back to how she and others like her like to say that a person's posts on here reveal what they're really like and you've had more than just blocks of text from this dude.

Nevertheless, it seems to me that you introduced your kids to him and you say that he just kind of went along with it, so someone could just as well read all sorts of things into you doing that, which you would probably deny. You've really got to know each other though; as best as you could, without actually meeting.

You wouldn't have posted this thread if there wasn't a problem and if you completely trusted this man. You're a nice girl though that tends to see the good in people. That's why you feel strange and where your dilemma lies. You're saying things about how you wouldn't leave your kids alone with him and then brushing that off as just being about babysitting but you didn't mean that at all. You wouldn't leave your kids alone with this man and you don't know if they're safe with him. Your kids are your first priority and you can't do anything that might endanger them. You don't think that this guy's a paedo but it's possible and he acts a bit like one.

He just happened to offer to teach them the guitar. He wouldn't like you as much if you didn't have kids and you didn't instantly ask him what he meant by that. Why not? You asked us first and then discussed it with him. And he has an answer for everything and it's fine.

Don't ask people on the internet for reassurance about other people on the internet. That's just repeating the same mistake. Why trust our words if his aren't good enough?

It depends on how I found out. If a muggle saw her doing it that might be a cause for concern but otherwise I would just keep quiet about it. As long as she isn't practicing dark magic she shouldn't have any concerns about me coming back to her. Her being a witch wouldn't bother me and I would love to have kids with a witch and for them to go to Hogwarts.