1.Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2.Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3.Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4.Start playing football -- see how many people you can get to join in.

5.Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and yell, "I need some tampons!!"

6.Try on bras over top of your clothes.

7.Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

8.While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "Sex and Candy."

9.Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone,'I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares' and see what happens.

10.Tune all the radios to a polka station, then turn them all off and turn the volumes to '10.'

11.Play with the automatic doors.

12.Walk up to complete strangers and say, 'Hi. I haven't seen you in so long...' etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

13.While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, 'Who BUYS this stuff, anyway?'

14.Repeat Number 13 in the jewelry department.

15.Put pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

16.Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

17. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

18. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, 'Wow. Magic!'

19. Put MM's on layaway.

20. Move 'Caution: Wet Floor' signs to carpeted areas.

21. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

22. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

23. Nonchalantly 'test' the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

24. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around
saying, "I'm Batman. Come, Robin -- to the Batcave!"

25. TP as much of the store as possible.

26. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

27. Play with the calculators so that they all spell 'hello'
upside down. (01134)

28. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, 'Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

29. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, 'Red Rover!'

30. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full-scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. Barbie. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect...)

34. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

35. While no one's watching, quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.

36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission: Impossible.'

37. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

38. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

39. Fill an entire cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.

40. Set up a 'Valet Parking' sign in front of the store.

41. Two words: 'Marco Polo.'

42. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

43. 'Re-alphabetize' the CDs in Electronics.

44. In the auto department, practice your 'Madonna' look with various funnels.

45. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like 'pick me,' and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them.

46. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying 'How could you do this to me? I thought you loved me I knew
there was another girl, but I thought I had won.' Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.

47. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, 'No, no It's those voices again!'

48. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

49. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

50. Get a stuffed animal, go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying 'Good girl, good Bessie."

51. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

52. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

53. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

54. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

55. Test the fishing rods and see what you can 'catch' from the other aisles.

56. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

57. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

58. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially through narrow aisles.

59. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

60. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

61. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

62. Say things like, 'Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?'

63. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., 'Do you have any Shnerples here?'

64. Ride a display bicycle through the store -- claim you're taking it for a 'test drive.'

65. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

66. Get boxes of condoms and randomly slip them into people's carts when they aren't paying attention.

Everyone knows you can't teach an old dog new tricks.
But here's a new one, made especially for one Victor Rodriguez of Bridgeport, Connecticut : You can't teach a pet snake any tricks at all, no matter how old it is. Idiot.
You see, Rodriguez is the proud owner of a 9-foot python.

One night, he was threatening his girlfriend with said reptile, and the police were called.
That's when things got ... well ... stupid.
Instead of running away or oh, I don't know, surrendering, Rodriguez stayed put and ordered his slithery sidekick to attack police.
Sadly, Rodriguez did not pay attention in Biology. For one thing, snakes to not have ears.
For another, it's a snake, for Pete's sake. Seriously.
Police Lt. James Viadero said when the police entered the apartment, Rodriguez told the snake to "get them!"
It didn't.
Both Rodriguez and his snake were taken away -- Rodriguez to the can, the snake to animal control.

OMG, girl ya crazy shshs

so I'm supposed to date people I don't find attractive???

Uhm, nope, you're on your own on this one.

It may take you two minutes to read this. If you do not take the time to read this, you are probably one of the people this post is talking about.

____________________

You stay up for 16 hours

He/She stays up for days on end.
_________________________

You take a warm shower to help you wake up.

He/She goes days or weeks without running water.
__________________________

You complain of a "headache", and call in sick.

He/She gets shot at as others are hit, and keeps moving forward.
__________________________

You put on your "anti-troops" shirt and go meet up with your friends.

He/She still fights for your right to wear that shirt.
__________________________

You talk trash about your "friends" who are not with you.

He/She knows he/she may not see some of his/her buddies again.
__________________________

You walk down the beach, staring at all the pretty girls/guys.

He/She patrols the streets, searching for insurgents and terrorists.
_________________________

You complain about how hot it is.

He/She wears his/her heavy gear, not daring to take off his/her helmet to wipe his/her brow.
__________________________

You go out to lunch, and complain because the restaurant got your order wrong.

He/She may not get to eat today.
__________________________

Your maid makes your bed and washes your clothes.

He/She wears the same things for weeks, but makes sure his/her weapons are clean.
__________________________

You go to the mall and get your hair redone.

He/She doesn't have time to brush his/her teeth today.
__________________________

You're angry because your class ran 5 minutes over.

He's/She's told he/she will be held over an extra 2 months.
__________________________

You call your boyfriend/girlfriend and set a date for tonight.

He/She waits for the mail to see if there is a letter from home.
__________________________

You hug and kiss your girlfriend/boyfriend, like you do everyday.

He/She holds his/her letter close and smells his/her love's perfume/cologne.
__________________________

You roll your eyes as a baby cries.

He/She gets a letter with pictures of his/her new child, and wonders if they'll ever meet
__________________________

You criticize the military, and say that war never solves anything.

He/She sees the innocent tortured and killed by their own people and remembers why he/she is fighting.
__________________________

You hear the jokes about war, and make fun of men/women like him/her.

He/She hears the gunfire, bombs and screams of the wounded.
__________________________

You see only what the media wants you to see.

He/She sees the broken bodies lying around him/her.
__________________________

You are asked to go to the store by your parents. You don't.

He/She does exactly what he/she is told.
__________________________

You stay at home and watch TV.

He/She takes whatever time he/she is given to call, write home, sleep, and eat.
__________________________

You crawl into your soft bed, with down pillows, and get comfortable.

He/She tries to sleep but gets woken by mortars and helicopters all night long. __________________________

You sit there and judge them, saying the world is probably a worse place because of people like them

If only there were more people like them
___________________________

If you support the troops, go a head and post here.

This is not limited to US troops. This post is sending its blessings to US, UK, Canadian, Australian, and all other troops for a safe trip back home.

I am taking myself out of the game. Not completely sure how to describe exactly my thoughts/feelings on this.

I am who I am. I am confident and proud of who and what I am. But I am completely and utterly sick and tired of the BS!!!

Seems that every man I run into, they are looking for someone to take care of them. They are self centered. I have spent my last 20 years raising them and quite frankly I am sick and tired of it. When is there a point and time that it stops? I guess I am the one who must take control of it and stop it.

The idea of a partnership is to be 50/50...pfffff yeah ok...

Please, do NOT think I am on here trashing all men....that is not my point. It is the men that find me or I find them.

As I talked to Deb this morning, I find it pitiful of the men and their mind sets that think that if you are "big woman" you are just "lucky" to get anything so you will settle for whatever BS they throw out at you...oh pllllllllllease give me a break.

Yes, many "big women" have that low self esteem and may fall into that trap, but believe when I say, I am not one of them. Ive never felt desperate a day in my life and damn sure dont now.

Every man who has passed through in my life, I have had to be the caretaker, provider, supporter, etc....I am so over that I could puke! I actually had one man tell me that because I am a big woman, I should appreciate the fact that he graces me with his presence....LMFAO....GRACES? APPRECIATE? oh my!!!!!!!!!

I guess I need to take down that big flashing neon sign above my door that says "losers welcome, free parking" lmao

Just makes me sick at some people's mentality....

In a nut shell....I QUIT!!!!!

I am loca - got the doctors note to prove it

k lot easier when im awake lol

ima box

Hey I hear there's going to be a wild comedy playin here soon!!

Brings in more popcorn!!

I'd like to wrap your legs around me
and my have me legs around you
and pull you deeply and fully into me
I'd like to make you climax so that
your brain loses all sense of reality
time, rationalism and focus
and have your brain swell instead
with a desire of lust that means more
than you have ever felt if before
I'd like to make you climax so that
I can feel you grow thicker and harder in me
and you can feel me tighten around you
I'd like to have you just for one night
so you can finally feel what it is to
be made love to and to imagine me in love with you