uuhhhh..... WHAT?

Columbia, the armpit of Missouri.

tramp stamps and bellybutton rings are a total turn on!

Playing is one thing, trying to establish a meaningful relationship is another.
I am here for friendship, if anything comes from that, it will be after I have chatted with them, met them on nuetral ground, and went out a few times. By then two people will know if there are any feelings. But that is just me.

the life blood of all that is morning!

1970: Long Hair
2000: Longing for hair

1970: The perfect high.
2000: The perfect high yield mutual fund.

1970: Keg.
2000: EKG.

1970: Acid Rock.
2000: Acid Reflux.

1970: Moving to California because it's cool.
2000: Moving to California because it's warm.

1970: Growing pot.
2000: Growing pot belly.

1970: Douglas Street bridge.
2000: Dental bridge.

1970: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your
parents.
2000: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your
children.

1970: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth
Taylor.
2000: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth
Taylor.

1970: Seeds and stems.
2000: Roughage.

1970: Popping pills, smoking joints.
2000: Popping joints.

1970: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
2000: Our president's struggle with fidelity.

1970: Paar.
2000: AARP.

1970: Being caught with Hustler magazine.
2000: Being caught with Hustler magazine.

1970: Killer weed.
2000: Weed killer.

1970: Hoping for a BMW.
2000: Hoping for a BM.

1970: The Grateful Dead.
2000: Dr. Kevorkian.

1970: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
2000: Getting a new hip joint.

1970: Rolling Stones.
2000: Kidney stones.

1970: Being called into the principal's office.
2000: Calling the principal's office.

1970: Screw the system!
2000: Upgrade the system.

1970: Peace sign.
2000: Mercedes logo.

1970: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
2000: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.

1970: Take acid.
2000: Take antacid.

1970: Passing the driver's test.
2000: Passing the vision test.

1970: "Whatever"
2000: "Depends"

ACCOUNTANTS are good with figures.

ACTORS do it on cue.

ADVERTISERS use the "new, improved" method.

AMBULANCE DRIVERS come quicker.

ANSI does it in the standard way

ARCHEOLOGISTS like it old.

ARCHITECTS have great plans.

ARTISTS are exhibitionists.

ASSEMBLY LINE WORKERS do it over and over.

ASTRONOMERS do it with Uranus.

ATTORNEYS make better motions.

AUDITORS like to examine figures.

BABYSITTERS charge by the hour.

BAILIFFS always come to order.

BAKERS knead it daily.

BAND MEMBERS play all night.

BANKERS do it with interest - penalty for early withdrawal.

BARBERS do it with shear pleasure.

BARTENDERS do it on the rocks.

BASEBALL PLAYERS make it to first base.

BASKETBALL PLAYERS score more often.

BEEKEEPERS like to eat their honey.

BEER BREWERS do it with more hops.

BEER DRINKERS get more head.

BICYCLISTS do it with 10 speeds.

BOOKKEEPERS do it with double entry.

BOSSES delegate the task to others.

BOWLERS have bigger balls.

BRICKLAYERS lay all day.

BRIDGE PLAYERS try to get a rubber.

BUS DRIVERS come early and pull out on time.

BUTCHERS have better meat.

C'Bers do it on the air.

CAMPERS do it in a tent.

CARPENTERS hammer it harder.

CARPET LAYERS do it on the floor.

CHEERLEADERS do it with more enthusiasm.

CHEMISTS like to experiment.

CHESS PLAYERS check their mates.

CHIROPRACTORS do it by manipulation.

CLOCK MAKERS do it mechanically.

CLOWNS do it for laughs.

COACHES whistle while they work.

COBOL PROGRAMMERS do it with bugs.

COCKTAIL WAITRESSES serve highballs.

COMPUTER GAME PLAYERS just can't stop.

COMPUTER OPERATORS get the most out of their software.

CONSTRUCTION WORKERS lay a better foundation.

CONSULTANTS tell other how to do it.

COPS have bigger guns.

COWBOYS handle anything horny.

COWGIRLS like to ride bareback.

CRANE OPERATORS have swinging balls.

CREDIT MANAGERS always collect.

DANCERS do it in leaps and bounds.

DEADHEADS do it with Jerry.

DEER HUNTERS will do anything for a buck.

DENTAL HYGIENISTS do it till it hurts.

DENTISTS do it in your mouth.

DETECTIVES do it under cover.

DIETICIANS eat better.

DIRECT MAILERS get it in the sack.

DIVERS do it deeper.

DOCTORS do it with patience.

DRUGGISTS fill your prescription.

DRUMMERS do it in 4/4 time.

DRY WALLER'S are better bangers.

ELECTRICIANS check your shorts.

ENGINEERS charge by the hour.

EXECUTIVES have large staffs.

FARMERS spread it around.

FIREMEN are always in heat.

FISHERMEN are proud of their rods.

FOOTBALL PLAYERS are measured by the yard.

FOUR-WHEELERS eat more bush.

FURRIERS appreciate good beaver.

GARBAGE MEN come once a week.

GARDENERS have 50 foot hoses.

GAS STATION ATTENDANTS pump all day.

GEOLOGISTS are great explorers.

GOLFERS do it in 18 holes.

GYMNASTS mount and dismount well.

HACKERS do it with fewer instructions.

HAIRDRESSERS give the best blow jobs.

HAM OPERATORS do it with frequency.

HANDYMEN like good screws.

HEWLETT PACKARD does it with precision.

HORSEBACK RIDERS stay in the saddle longer.

HUNTERS do it with a bang.

INSURANCE SALESMEN are premium lovers.

INTERIOR DECORATORS do it all over the house.

INVENTORS find a way.

JANITORS clean up afterwards.

JEWELERS mount real gems.

JOGGERS do it on the run.

LANDSCAPERS plant it deeper.

LAWYERS do it in their briefs.

LIBRARIANS do it quietly.

LOCKSMITHS can get into anything.

LONG DISTANCE RUNNERS last longer.

MACHINISTS make the best screws.

MAGICIANS are quicker than the eye.

MAINTENANCE MEN sweep 'em off their feet.

MANAGERS supervise others.

MARKETING REPs do it on commission.

MILKMEN deliver twice a week.

MILLIONAIRES pay to have it done.

MINERS sink deeper shafts.

MINISTERS do it on Sundays.

MISSILE MEN have better thrust.

MODELS do it in any position.

MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.

MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.

MOVIE STARS do it on film.

MUSICIANS do it with rhythm.

NONSMOKERS do it without huffing and puffing.

NURSES call the shots.

OCEANOGRAPHERS do it down under.

OPERATORS do it person-to-person.

OPTOMETRISTS do it face-to-face.

PAINTERS do it with longer strokes.

PARAMEDICS PHOTOGRAPHERS do it with a flash.

PHYSICISTS do it with uniform harmonic motion.

PILOTS keep it up longer.

PLUMBERS do it under the sink.

POLICEMEN like big busts.

POLITICIANS do it for 4 years then have to get re-erected.

POSTMEN come slower.

PRINTERS do it without wrinkling the sheets.

PRINTERS reproduce the fastest.

PROCTOLOGISTS do it in the end.

PROFESSORS do it by the book.

RACERS like to come in first.

RACQUETBALL PLAYERS do it off the wall..

RADIO and TV ANNOUNCERS broadcast it.

REAL ESTATE PEOPLE know all the prime spots.

RECYCLERS use it again.

REPAIRMEN can fix anything.

REPORTERS do it daily.

RESEARCHERS are still looking for it.

RETAILERS move their merchandise.

ROOFERS do it on top.

RUNNERS get into more pants.

SAILORS like to be blown.

SALESPEOPLE have away with their tongues.

SCIENTISTS discovered it.

SECRETARIES do it from 9 to 5.

SKYDIVERS are good till the last drop.

SOCCER PLAYERS have leather balls.

SPEECH PATHOLOGISTS are oral specialists.

SPELUNKERS do it underground.

SPORTSCASTERS like an instant replay.

STEWARDESSES do it in the air.

STUDENTS use their heads.

SURGEONS are smooth operators.

TAILORS make it fit.

TAXI DRIVERS do it all over town.

TAXIDERMISTS mount anything.

TELEPHONE CO. EMPLOYEES let their fingers do the walking.

TELLERS can handle all deposits and withdrawals.

TENNIS PLAYERS have fuzzy balls.

TRUCK DRIVERS have bigger dipsticks.

TRUCKERS carry bigger loads.

TYPISTS do it in triplicate.

VETERINARIANS are ***** lovers.

VOLLEYBALL PLAYERS keep it up.

WAITRESSES serve it piping hot.

WATER SKIERS come down harder.

WELDERS have hotter rods.

WRESTLERS know the best holds.

WRITERS have novel ways.

ZOOLOGISTS do it with animal instinct.

My man came home to his wife with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, she squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.

I think the kitty is in heaven!

When i went to check my mail, i locked across the road and saw this person jacking himself in front of the ATM machine. So i went across the road and asked him "why are you jacking yourself "and he said "This machine just said insert pin"

A naked man was standing in front of a mirror holding his penis. He said very proudly another two inches long i would have been a King.His wife says from the back and another two inches less you would have been a queen

A boy comes home from his daily shift in the chip-shop.’’Whats the matter son.’’ his dad asks.’’I got fired.’’the boy replied. His dad marched down to the chip-shop and asks to speak to the manger. The dad says ’’Why did you fire my son.’’ the manger replies ’’I caught he sticking his **** in the potato peeler. ’’May I see the potato peeler.’’ the dad asks. ’’The manger replies ’’No i fired her too.’’

A man had ’ I love you ’ tattooed on his penis and showed it to his wife.
She said to him, ’ There you go again,trying to put words in my mouth. ’

A blind man and his friend are walking down a street. the blind man is depressed because a doctor told him he would die soon. the friend left the blind man for a few minutes to run some errands. the blind man notices noises that sound like a bar. he goes into it and yells, "i dont want to die a virgin."
later he comes out and is met by his friend, who asks why he seems happier. the blind man explains that he had sex with someone in the bar behind him. the friend says, "thats a gay bar."

Two guys are driving down the highway on a long long road trip. Eventually one of them gets so bored he suggests playing 20 questions. The other agrees and decides to go first. He thinks and thinks and thinks for something that his buddy will never guess and finally he comes up with it. A Moosecock. "Got it" he says, "start guessing."

So his buddy ponders for a second and asks his first question.."Can you eat it?"

A little puzzled and a little humered the guy replies, "Yeah..yeah I guess you could eat it."

And the man says, "Is it a moosecock?"

There are three kinds of sex:
1: House Sex: When you and your wife are newlyweds and you have sex all over the house.
2:Hall Sex: When you have been married for many years and when you see your wife in the hall, you both say **** you
3:Court Sex: When you and your wife have been married for many many years and your wife and her lawyer f**k you in front of many people for every penny you got

My girlfriend says that because she is a woman she is good at doing two things at the same time.
I said to her, ’ then why is a threesome out of the question?

Nice man! thanx for making me feel at "HOME".

I'm kinda new to the online dating thingy and so far I like this site alot! It's cool when you don't have to have a credit card to meet people.

A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder.
He asks the bartender if he would mind watching his monkey while he uses the restroom.
The bartender agrees and the man heads to the john.
meanwhile, the monkey runs down to the end of the bar and leaps onto the pooltable, grabs the eightball and swallows it, then he returns to his seat.
The man comes out of the bathroom only to be confronted by the bartender.
Do you know what your monkey just did?, says the bartender.
No says the man.
He just ran down the bar, jumped on the pool table and swallowed my eightball!
Don't worry says the man, I'll get it back in a few days.
The man comes back a few days later with the monkey, holding a nice shiney eightball.
He hands it to the bartender and again asks is the bartender would mind watching his monkey again while he uses the restroom.
The bartender agrees and the man goes to the john.
The monkey then grabs a peanut from the bowl on the bar, and sticks it in his butt, then eats it. He grabs another and does the same thing. after a few more, the man comes out of the bathroom and again is confronted by the bartender.
Now your monkey is sticking peanuts in his butt and eating them! yells the bartender.

Oh yeah, says the man. After that eightball incedent, he measures everything before he eats it!