Hey Tom,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Lookin' good and love all the jokes you post here

It's the nose thing that got me. Sorry, still don't have a man in my life

Country you are funny!!!

If you were a guy I would probably want to sit on you're face!!

the floor is all yours babe i love the competition

good night!

jokes...I'm going to bed good night all

don't know why

Me too!

no competition i like all jokes just trying to liven things up

it's done like this in case you forgot

ok but I gotta go to bed soon cause I'm gettin tired. feel bad for ya

The last 4 posts have been from me what's up?

everyone tired?




ok now 5

Jane and Arlene are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. Jane pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts i t over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

Arlene: What in the hell is that?

Jane : A condom.
This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

Arlene: Where did you get it?

Jane : You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, Arlene hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that
she wants a box of condoms.

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

'Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel.'
The pharmacist fainted.

yeah, just trying to rid all of us of the boredom. Tired of listening to the whine and not handling it and thank you.

Glad you all like it

IF MY BODY WERE A CAR...

If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull .... But that's not the worst of it.


My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close

My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.


It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

But here's the worst of it --


Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter. ...either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?'
He says 'Yes - just caffeine'

'Have you ever been in the service?"
'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks,
'Are you disabled in any way?
The guy says, 'Yes 100%...an IED exploded near me and blew my testicles off.'

The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?

'This is a government job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.'

Body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have."

He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive calves you have."
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, baby."

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!"

not me