Nice list - thanks for sharing.



Fortunately, I've never had to deal with 1) or 2). With regard to 3) I haven't had anyone be short tempered at the dating/early stage, but it surfaced later on.... 4) something like that might have happened during a quarrel but not normally.



1) If they don't post a picture where they look "human"/kind/unassuming to me, I would trust my intuition and not respond.
2) Yes, lack of eye contact with me would be a red flag.
3) Affectionate is a prerequisite for me as well.
4) Very much relate to the phone call/keeping in touch during the day... as you said, just knowing that he's thinking of you is important; I need that!

You make some very valid points, but the general expectation these days is to post a recent, non-blurred picture which actually shows your face as it is now. Given that this is SO easy in this day and age, NOT doing this is going be a red flag to anyone with an iota of emotional intelligence/ self preservation!

I just hope that you are only approaching the women WITHOUT pictures... to approach women with pictures would be highly hypocritical.

The fact that he has a picture but won't display it on his profile demonstrates that he's probably already in a relationship, and doesn't want to be recognized on here by an acquaintance.

On all dating sites, there always seem to be some people without pictures or blurred pictures/pictures with just sunglasses (effectively no picture). This kind of defeats the purpose of internet dating... don't you think?!

Has anyone been contacted by a pictureless/blurred picture person? Do you rule them out immediately? (I do, of course!) I wonder whether they just communicate with other people with no pictures... I've always found it baffling...Anyway, what are your thoughts/experiences? If you are one of those people, why do you do it? I'd be interested in hearing your views.

I don't have one thing but a number things that I find attractive:

*Genuine kindness (everyone says they're kind) but someone who really is kind and gentle; someone with integrity.

*Someone who shares my unusual pro-social justice/pro-life values.

*Someone who doesn't play the social games that 99.9% of people play.

I have a lot more to add but I'll end up writing an essay if I continue!

I seem to always be the one that ends the relationship. The last two I ended because the men were playing games regarding phoning... I can't be with someone who I can't be myself with.

Let's just agree to disagree.

Great list; thanks for sharing... these are my comments:

1) Regarding shallowness, I feel that at least 99% of people are too shallow for me... it could be a high as 99.9%

2) Info on the person... you know, the initial profile (and message) is extremely important to me. That said, the next stage is communicating via email/the website and ascertaining how the person feels about some key values. Then I move on to the phone only if it looks like the person is a potentially good match based on what they have said so far in writing. I definitely agree that one can't take anything for granted and that you only get to know a person better after maybe meeting up a few times and talking at length on the phone.

3) Conversationally challenged... that's never been a problem for me because if he can't express himself well in writing I don't end up speaking to him.

4) There are lots of crazy men on dating sites; believe me! I don't interact with them because of the all the obvious red flags.

5) and 6) Do not read profiles/ do not fill out profiles... that is so annoying! But again, I never respond back to people who obviously haven't read my profile, so I never interact with those types.

7) Honestly, I don't think the general population knows what soulmate in a spiritual sense is... people into spiritual teachings and spiritual growth are the types who know what soulmate actually means. But even with them, I don't know the percentage who actually want a soulmate.

For people who are looking for a soulmate relationship, it is very important to actually know what you want and what you don't want. What are your unique "MUST HAVES" and "CAN'T STANDS?" These are mine...

MY UNIQUE MUST HAVES:

1) You "get" and like what I've said on my dating profile, which means you are able to write me a thoughtful message that does justice to what I have shared;

2) you have something authentic to say on your profile that gives me some idea of who you really are;

3) you have a sincere/genuine/gentle/unassuming vibe;

4) you actually want a soulmate (not a date)/ you are a "serious relationship only" person.

MY UNIQUE "CAN'T STANDS"

1) Shallowness: sexual innuendos on profiles/ promiscuity;

2) shallowness (e.g. short messages, cut and paste messages);

3) shallowness: obsession with your potential partner's physical appearance;

4) shallowness: obsession with the woman having to be younger than you/ no older.

If you're referring to the date I am supposed to have joined this site, I did join in 2012 and left the site a long time ago... I decided to rejoin a few days ago and found that the system has kept my email address and "forced" me to use what I thought was a deleted account (which I have now updated) but I still have my old username.

Regardless, I'm sure you know that any woman can "get any" as you call it... !:) Anyone can do that but not everyone has what it takes to make a lasting quality relationship. Sorry to go all deep when you were just joking... (and for some reason I can't get these smileys to work so that I can make my responses more jovial... oh well)

Glad to hear at least one person feels that way :) ... however looking over some of the comments in this thread it looks like some of my most cynical assumptions are confirmed.

My "no no" is very unusual given our "casual sex" culture today, and therefore I'd be pleasantly surprised if ANYONE agrees with me. Anyway, my advice is to NOT go on a date until you know enough about the person via email and phone to determine whether there's a chance of a serious relationship... the way I see it is there is no point in going on multiple dates with strange people and only being concerned about how they look... obviously if you're looking for casual sex, then that's okay... I'm answering this post with the assumption that some people are looking for long term serious relationships.

I absolutely agree that too many (actually most people) use the word "soulmate" too loosely. In my opinion, most people don't know what a soulmate is.



I can imagine what it would be like but I haven't experienced it yet; I really want to experience it... moving forward, I only want to be in a relationship if it is a soulmate relationship.



Very moving post... I'm sorry that you lost your soulmate... but you know, you experienced what most people will never experience... I hope you experience it again - it's never too late :)

I do wonder how many people genuinely want that... an awful lot of men seem to want to be treated badly; in other words, they seem to prefer women who are cold and aloof - women who illustrate the saying "treat em mean and keep em keen." I refuse to be like that; I'm not going to play games, and if I perceive that a man has the above-mentioned tendencies, I run a mile!

Yes I do, and I proudly chose "marriage" as my relationship goal on my profile despite the fact that I know that is almost sacrilegious in today's society!

'Wild Horses' by the Rolling Stones...a good song to play if you are in a sad mood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g69labQKuuU/