RIGHT ON!! THAT WAS GOOD COWBOY!

A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a
blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."

She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

He again answered, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her
biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F-
The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T."

The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. "T-G-I-F"
means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday' Get it, duuhhh?

The man answered, yes, 'S-H-I-T' means, 'Sorry, Honey, It's
Thursday."

Thanks. Glad you like em.I'll send what I can find. It's no big deal.
Find most of them on the internet anyway. As long as it puts a smile on
your faces, even if only for a moment........L8R

Just a note to say hello to everyone. I joined this sight a couple weeks
ago. Just thought I'd take time to say hi.Don't be affraid to say high
back. Just looking to "B.S." with people. Broaden my horizon if you
will. I'll be glad to visit with anyone. Everyone have a great day and a
better week!!

#1. Not no, but HELL NO!!

#2. Yes, but not if it meant leaving my son behind. (NEVER!!)

#3. Perhaps.

#4. Absolutely!!!

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all
perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St.
Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with
a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the
head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip the
tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St.
Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had
any contact with a male organ?" The girl is a little reluctant but
replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St.Peter says, "Okay,
dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."
All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One
girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the
front, St.Peter says, "Reva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl
replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do
it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather
curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'making out' from the
older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he
took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of
explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains
one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The
following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother. "Sis and
her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the
lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured 'Sis must be
getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have
thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her
heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the
doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he
was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting
and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold
because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and
began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end
of the couch. This was when her fever started. I knew it was a fever,
because Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was
making them so sick-a big eel ;had gotten inside his pants somehow. It
just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long,
honest, anyway he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away.
When Sis saw it, she got really scared-her eyes got big, and her mouth
fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She
said it was the biggest one she's ever seen; I should tell her about the
ones down at the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to
kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with
both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket
and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay
back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he
helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis
started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch.
I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. After
a while they both quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend got
up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung
there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out. Sis and her
boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to
courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the
eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I
guess eels are like cats- they have nine lives or something. This time,
Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35
minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead,
because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the
toilet.

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He's a
great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.

When I went to city Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I
would like a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like one, too!" Then I said,
"But this is for a dog." He said he didn't care what she looked like.
Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was 9 years
old." He winked and said, "You must have been quite a kid."

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I
told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a
special room for Sex. He said, "You don't need a special room. As long
as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do." I said, "Look, you
don't seem to understand. Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said,
"Funny -- I have the same problem."

One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began,
the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing
there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the
contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't
understand," I said, "I had hoped to have Sex on TV." He said, "Now that
cable is all over the place, it's no big deal anymore."

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of
the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married." The judge
said, "This courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case, please."
Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said "That's
not unusual. It happens to a lot of people."

Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking for him. A cop came
over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in
the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex.

My case comes up Friday.

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, "Dad, what is the
difference between potentially and realistically?" The
father thought for a moment, then answered, "Go ask your mother if she
would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars." Then ask your sister
if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then, ask
your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come
back and tell me what you learn from that."

So the boy went to his mother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt
for a million dollars?" The mother replied, "Of course I would! We could
really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great
University!"

The boy then went to his sister and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?" The girl replied, "Oh my God! I LOVE Brad
Pitt. I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?!?!?"

The boy then went to his brother and asked, "Would you sleep with Brad
Pitt for a million dollars?" "Of course," the brother
replied. "Do you know how much a million bucks would buy?"

The boy pondered the answers for a few days, then went back to his dad.
His father asked him, "Did you find out the difference between
potentially and realistically?"

The boy replied, "Yes... Potentially, you and I are sitting on Three
Million Dollars. but Realistically,......... we're living with two Sluts
and a Queer."

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while
he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey
grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced
limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball,
sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just
did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool
table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,"
replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll
pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill,
and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey
with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar
again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the
bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The
bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now
what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt,
then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats
everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he
measures everything first!"

Since it's getting close to Holloween, thought you might like this.

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRICK OR TREATING IS BETTER THAN SEX.....

10. You are guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.

9. If you get tired, you can wait 10 minutes and go at it again.

8. The uglier you look, the easier it is to get some.

7. You don't have to compliment the person who gives you some.

6. It's O.K. when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else,
because you are.

5. Forty years from now you'll still enjoy candy.

4. If you don't like what you get, you can always go next door.

3. It doesn't matter if the kids hear you moaning and groaning.

2. Less guilt the morning after.

1. You can do the whole neighborhood.

Tie the dog to a tree and walk away. Good riddance to bad rubbish!!

I'm new here, but I do have a My Space page. Kinda neat checking out all
the different pages set up there. Helps ya get a feel for what the
people are like that you chat with. www.myspace.com/kaluthe.

AMEN!!

Ahmen!! I was once told that in a 15 mile radius that there are on an
average about 15 women that could be considered my soul mate. Personaly
I think this term is over rated. My soul belongs to one. God. I do feel
however that there is that certain someone that is meant for you. I too
have a vision in my mind and in my heart of who she is. I just not have
met her yet. I feel that before we are granted this type of blessing
that we must first go through certain things in life so that when we do
finally meet, we will be that vision for each other. Don't get me wrong.
There is no such thing as a perfect person, but I do believe that we can
be perfect for each other. It's by dealing with life's ups and downs
that we become this. It's by the choice's we make and how we choose
handle the ups and downs that will in God's time, make us perfect for
each other.
Are my standards to high? I don't feel this is true. I think that they
where at best to low for to long. I will not settle for less again.