I agree with you, turtlepoet78. Being yourself has worked just fine for me.

I think jistme brings up a very good point. A lot of people seek out "gurus" in life whether they be spiritual, financial, etc. I think it is fine to look at what they are offering but ultimately the Truth for you is within yourself. Some of these people begin "worshiping" these "life" gurus thinking their way is THE way. A good example is that Tony Robbins guy. It's kind of sad, really. A true guru, at least in a spiritual sense, knows he is merely pointing a finger towards the Way. You are the one who has to walk the path.

That is not to say I haven't read motivational books here and there but as jistme has mentioned, everyone comes to a point when they "see the light". It took me hitting rock bottom emotionally before I had my day but once it happened, my whole world changed.

Whatupgangsta, I'll use delicate hands on this one. If you have only chatted with her for three days, don't you think that is just a period of getting to know someone? Is that even in the "friend" stage of getting to know someone? I personally don't see it as leading you on but trying to get to know you.

Now, the scenario you mentioned about being led on for three months is a completely different story.

My advice would obviously be to let this one go. It doesn't matter what her reason is. There are SO many people on this site so just chalk it up on the board as a loss. Realize that you are going to be rejected or reject others. The good thing about sites like this is that you can meet so many different people from all over the world. People who, 15 years ago, you would have never been able to communicate with.

I've had 77 views in the past 9 days. I have no idea if that is good or bad or what. Have had 14 mutual matches, 9 that have emailed back, two that have corresponded by IM, one of those for five days, 3 emails saying thanks for making me laugh and one thanking me for some advice I had given her. Two emails from another site asking if what I had written in my profile really happened (bionic hearts, secret government doctors, running in slow motion...hmmm, ok.)

Of all the free dating sites, I think this one is the absolute best. I am very happy with the results so far. Not that I didn't have some responses from other sites but there seems to be more active members on this site.

WhiteSox, is this the same Mystery that had a reality tv show a few months back where he trained guys that had trouble getting dates?

When I was younger I thought money was the key to happiness and that was my main motivation. I did the college thing and spent seven years in a cubicle crunching numbers. I made decent money but was incredibly jaded with life. I grew to hate myself as well as the world around me. It took me hitting rock bottom emotionally before I had a moment of clarity or an “epiphany” as some like to call it. I could either continue fighting the world or learn acceptance and take what comes my way and make it a learning experience and be grateful for the moments of true joy.

I took six months off after leaving my last job (had money saved) and just searched for something that could bring meaning into my life. Towards the end I finally found my answer. A week later an ad was posted on craigslist looking for a kennel attendant. I knew right after the interview that was what I was going to be doing with my life, working with dogs. I make absolute **** wages right now but I have never been happier in my entire life.

What gets me out of bed in the morning? This does:

http://www.baringvet.net/oshoto.htm

Left for dead and weighing only 20 pounds when taken to the vet. They were going to put her down but she lifted her head when the vet tech turned on the water faucet.

The wolf-hybrid you see as my main profile picture is the same dog, two months later.

The other attendants have a hard time getting her back down from the exercise area. On Friday, I took her up and when it was time to come down I called her name and she came running to me. My coworker asked me, “How in the world did you do that?” My answer? “I give her love everyday that I am here.”

I don't know why we are here or what created us. All I know is that getting up every morning and getting a kiss from this dog and a look of unconditional love in her eyes, is more than I could ever ask for. I wake each morning and take care of dogs as my way of thanking whatever created us.

Wouldn't it be nice, ChiefPUA, if the programs on television did the same thing? It's sad when they have things called a "political debate" or "discussion hour" and it always starts with a topic of discussion and ends with name calling. Can't say I haven't done it myself, but the "Jerry Springer" type discussions get old after awhile.

Hey mistyblue2012,

I agree with you about the postings on the forums. There is a certain individual who shall remain nameless that posts a negative comment every time a subject is brought up. This is the same person that complains about not getting any responses.

I looked at your profile and I must say it kicks ass. Your one paragraph was so direct and to the point but it gave a glimpse of your personality. Your profile is also a good example of one of those who has a ton of photos but each and everyone shows a different aspect of your life. Like I mentioned before, none of what I posted is the "law" about your profile. I just thought some of the things I mentioned might be a good start for those frustrated new members. I am new myself but I have had some pretty good luck with this site and I am very grateful for that.

I find it amusing at times that some focus on what they are looking for physically rather than the character of the individual. You really don't know what kind of "wrapping" your precious gift is going to come in. I can't lie and say that I don't have a preference for shorter women with meat on their bones and a librarian type look to them. However, if I met a six foot woman who had some of the characteristics I was looking for, I surely wouldn't turn her away. Yes, looks do matter but again it's the total package that ultimately counts, isn't it?

My post is for those new to this site and say they are having problems getting a response. I don't claim for it to be the "law" or set in stone. It is only my point of view based on the hundreds of profiles I have viewed. At least your photos show you in a different pose for each picture. I have seen one profile where there were sixteen pictures of the same basic pose and her head was turned slightly different in each one.

Thanks, Noden. The dogs you see in my profile pics aren't mine but were all rescued and stay at the kennel I work at. The wolf-hybrid was left for dead out in the middle of nowhere chained to a tree. She is recovering quickly and is a beautiful girl.

Thanks, heart4real. Hopefully it helps someone out. I know there are a lot of people on here having problems meeting others and don't how to improve their chances.

Thanks, blizzee. Should use my own advice, huh?

Personally I think it could help those people who are constantly saying no one responds to their profile. Just my opinion.

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Forewarning: This post will be quite lengthy...you have been warned!

I have seen a few posts on here with subject titles like “Look at my profile...would you date me?”, “How come I'm not getting any email responses” and “I suck...nobody likes me”. While the point of most of these posts is to get a temporary ego boost from others who are nice enough to say you are fine just the way you are, the boost is indeed only temporary. A day or so later the individual goes back into their depression when they see an empty mailbox and is back to square one.

I want to offer my two cents on how to improve your profile and hopefully increase the number of people who view you. I will preface this topic by saying I am NOT an expert nor do I claim to be. I have only been on this particular site for 9 days but I have viewed a couple hundred profiles and I am a member of six other free dating sites. What I will list below is not THE way but A way. Please understand the difference. It may work for some and not for others but I hope I am able to ignite a spark inside you to take some action instead of sitting there hoping and praying for someone to respond.

First, the number one thing people first look at is your picture. This will determine whether a person decides to read your profile or move on to another one. If you do not post a photo you will get very few views or responses, plain and simple. Your photo should be clear and close enough to see your face and eyes. Do not have a photo of you with your friends as your main profile photo. People will not be able to tell which one is you. Do not put up a pixelated, blurry, sideways or upside down picture where others cannot tell what your face looks like. Do not have something other than you as your main profile picture (i.e. Animal, nature scene, anime, etc.) Veterans on this site do some of these things but they have been here awhile and people know who they are. Have at least four but no more than six pictures. This is just my opinion. One picture doesn't really show much and sixteen is way too many especially if they are the same view with a slightly different pose. Show yourself doing what you love (your passion), with/without glasses or hat, a face shot, a full body shot, with a pet, etc. For women, keep the Playboy and Hustler photo spreads to a minimum. Guys, you should keep the shirtless ab shots and muscle flexes to a minimum as well.

Second is your profile heading. I would go with something that stands out a little and uses humor. Don't put, “Where are all the real men/women?” or “Liars, Cheaters and Deadbeats need not apply”. You instantly turn off a good portion of your viewers with negativity.

Third, when filling out your stats, be honest. Give an accurate view of what you look like physically. Don't lie about age, height, weight, etc. If you are a heavyset individual, then choose that description rather than “average” or “a few extra pounds”. One hundred pounds overweight is not a few extra pounds.

Fourth, your profile summary. This is the meat and potatoes of your profile and will ultimately determine if someone sends you a response or not. Do not use negativity towards others or yourself. Do not say you are looking for an honest, loyal and nice man/woman. That is a given. Do you think someone is going to respond saying they are a lair, cheater and total deadbeat? Leave it out of your profile. Really express yourself through your profile. Do NOT start your profile with “I really don't know what to say...” or “This is so hard. I don't know what to write about myself...” Yes you do. You know yourself better than anyone else so take some time and use a Word type document to outline some ideas. Write out a rough draft, read it over and revise. Have a family member or friend take a look at it and give an honest opinion. Look at the profile from the point of view of the opposite sex. If this was a woman/man with the same exact profile, would you respond? Humor is probably the best way to show off your personality. Look at the member geektothetenth for an excellent example of this.

Fifth, check your spelling, grammar and punctuation. Use the Word document to double check this. The same goes with long ass run on sentences.

Sixth, no yelling and keep the slang to a minimum. Typing in all caps indicates you are yelling. TyPiNg LiKe ThiZ is not cool or cute. Don't type in Ebonics either. You don't look cool, you look uneducated.

Seventh, when putting limitations for who can respond, leave the distance open. Just because someone does not live in a 100 mile radius of you doesn't mean they aren't worth getting to know.

Eighth, very few individuals can just post their picture without a summary and get responses. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it is a waste of time if you find out three emails later that the person is a drinker, smoker, raver, etc (i.e. something you are not looking for).

Lastly, duplicate and post your completed profile on several of the other free dating sites. Some are better than others and your response rate will vary. One response back from another site is one more you would not have received if you didn't put your profile up.

That about covers it from my perspective. Again, I am posting this based on what I have seen on other profiles, other free dating sites and on the responses I have received from my own profile. I don't claim that my profile is the “best” but it stands out for some people and they do respond to it.

Hopefully this helps some of you and please feel free to add to the list. I personally feel we should be helping each other here as we all basically have the same goal: to meet people. This could be in the form of friendship, online pals and/or long term partners. I stress that if someone starts interacting with you and only wants to be friends, do not discard them. Friends are still great to have and you never know if that person might know someone who is compatible with you.

I want to close with this comment: You are a total package. You are not solely your looks or personality or intelligence. Some will judge you on one or the other but it will take time for someone to get the big picture of who you really are. Just do your best to let that inner beauty really shine. Contrary to what you might think, there is someone out there for you. It won't happen overnight but if you take action, respond to those interested in you, use the mutual match function, send emails to those you are interested in and post on the forums, then you will increase your odds of finding someone.

Good luck to you all.

Your situation is almost exactly like my ex g/f's. She was in a verbal and physically abusive marriage before meeting me. During the first two years, I sympathized with her and lent my ear. During the third through seventh years, I started to get pissed about hearing it all the time. In the eighth and ninth year, I considered what she was doing to be incredibly disrespectful.

Whatever it is you are dealing with, YOU have to come to terms with it. I totally agree with your current b/f in that you both need to take time off. Even the most patient man will reach his limit with this kind of bull****. And yes, it is bull****. I don't care how abusive the relationship was, it is up to you to seek help for it. Professional help may work or look into other options. It's your choice to be a victim or not.

There is always a fear of getting hurt in your next relationship. You need to get over that fear. No one can promise forever as people change over time.

Hope this helps and good luck.

Jistme, you hit the nail right on the head. When I read these lengthy posts by individuals such as ChiefPUA, I can't help but think of hardcore Christians who have found God and spend every waking moment trying to convince others of their newfound beliefs. If it works for you, fantastic, I wish you the best of luck and congratulate you on your success but it is not THE truth for everyone.

I have found that just being who I am has attracted women. I am not much to look at, probably average to a little above average in the looks department depending on your perspective, but I am the real deal. I don't bull**** you and I don't try and add fluff to make myself look better. Will this "approach" work for everyone? No, but I'm not concerned with trying to "stack" the odds in my favor with manipulation and tactics. That means nothing to me.



I wish people would take this statement that you have posted and print it out and place it around the house and place of employment. Acceptance is such a powerful thing. Not necessarily agreeing with what is happening in your life but looking at it as a learning lesson. Giving thanks for those moments of true happiness and rising to the occasion when obstacles are placed before you. "Going with the flow" as they use to say.

Excellent post, jistme. And by the way, you have one kick ass profile.

That ain't revenge, Geek, that is just plain EVIL!

Great story...too bad it isn't true. That would be pretty kick ass, though, if someone did that. This is one of those urban legends. Just do a search on the term Clemson University wedding and you will see what I mean.

One thing you might do is email the admins here and ask if they can look into adding a section in your profile that gives a description of the type of person you are looking for. It could be general enough to include several different body types, height, hair color, etc. Might make it easier for you to see if they are into full figured women or not.

I don't care if she is Miss America, anyone that treats you like that does not deserve your time and energy. I personally wouldn't have even left a message. Treating someone like that is immaturity at it's highest level. I personally won't date a drinker but that is just me. A drink here and there, fine. Hitting the bar and closing it down, hell to the no.

Short and sweet answer? Move On.