Simply be very careful. Friends at first meeting is a safe thing or a friend calling you periodically throughout your date and knowing where you are going to be. I have dated women who did this initially and it made perfect sense to me. You really have no clue about the person, about who they really are.

A dear lady friend of mine chatted with a guy she met online for over a month and had many phone calls. They really hit it off. Then they met and spent a wonderful day together at a tourist town in Florida. Everything seemed great. That evening they got a hotel and the moment the door closed he became a monster and beat her and raped her. According to her nothing prior to that would have indicated such a thing was possible. Nothing in a month of chatting and phone calls and an entire day together. Sadly she did not report it to the police so he is out there still doing this no doubt.

If friends knew where she was and were supposed to call her periodically and act if no answer then maybe it would not have happened ... the guy would be aware she had a safe plan and maybe left her alone that night.

Be safe!

We have been deeply in love for the last year.

"If you over analyze the situation you will ruin it. Just go with the flow let Fate take over give God the wheel. Whats meant to be will always find away."

Thank you. "Go with the flow" ... I agree ... but being so darn analytical ... here I posted to see if people feel like I do in my heart.

Best of luck to you.

from 50 50 I mean I have little respect for men who do nothing while the woman does all the work. It is in terms of not being a lazy lout while the woman does all.

Gosh, I simply tried to give so personal background and now I am tagged superior elitist ... come on! I had no control over which parents gave birth to me and how I was raised nor did you.

What I see of many of the ex military guys with Asian wives is they use them like slaves to do housework and provide sex and DO NOT love them. Having loved this woman for a year I have seen plenty of these military + Asian marriages and they stink. They find a woman they CAN be superior over and do nothing.

Please do not judge one you do not know so harshly. Simply stating the facts. I do not believe in the superiority of one over another. That comes from insecurity, the need to be "better" than someone else.

I know the statement of the disparity could be interpreted by some as a perceived superiority yet it is simply as it is. She is a much better cook than I, she speaks five languages fluently ... does that not make her "superior"?

Please .... just looking for not hurtful input here.

Honestly looking for community input here...

I have fallen in love with her and she with me for the last year after two years being single. I am 50 and she 41. Yet, we are so different and that is the nagging little wonder that I have about it. It makes me wonder if these differences can eventually unravel the deeply heartfelt mature love that we have for each other. Please read on and lend your honest opinion... I know the following sounds cliche' but it is not!

She is relatively lovely Filipina who lived here for five years. Very sweet and true of heart and of an old world set of beliefs and norms found so rarely today. She strives to take care of me in every way and gets pleasure from that, the simple things like cooking and cleaning and elsewhere. Yet she has a high school education, does not conceptualize so well. She grew up poor and lived comfortably and lower income through her own efforts. She has pretty good manners and natural class. She is not refined, not well educated or intellectual at all though she has enjoyed museums we have gone to and is acquiring an appreciation for the beauty of nature. Importantly her parents had a healthy marriage and healthy home as is true of mine.

Please excuse me talking of my perception of myself. I was raised in moderate wealth though now almost a pauper from an extended divorce battle against a rich vicious woman. I have been raised with manners and my parents and grandparents were in "society". Not raised a snob as this may sound but certainly with a perception of class in terms of behavior not in terms of socio-economic place. I have college degree yet I know from others that my intelligence exceeds my degree. I more an education and appreciation of art, history, and love of nature. I have no desire to be taken care of as in the 1950's and that has been a little difficult for me believing in 50/50.

I have divorced after 13 years "the perfect match", highly intelligent, same socio-economic place, traveler, professed beliefs of honesty and open mindedness and love (that were not so) and her psychological unhealthiness and years of deception ended that. So I have learned the perceived alignment of match points is not valid for lasting love.

It boils down to two good people with true hearts from extremely different backgrounds deeply in love with each other with a big disparity in intelligence, culture, and job level. I believe in the strength of love to conquer all yet I still wonder about this never having had a love like this.

Elsa, I agree with you. They have the same responsibility as anyone to treat the public, their clients, with respect.

In my life I have seen police purger themselves on the stand, a detective who was the father of a friend of mine selling stereos from the stolen property room, a woman beaten by police for walking her dog on a pier and not moving as fast as they thought she should, police hassling my best friend who is black in front of my house simply because he was black in a white neighborhood, other things not to remain in cyberspace forever, a law enforcement friend say he drives as fast as he feels like since "cops don't give cops tickets" and another good friend who is a system analyst who quit being a police man because he "was becoming like the scum I was arresting". The sense I have gotten is that in general they consider themselves a class apart from society and not a part of it.

I have met many wonderful women through other sites ... new to this one. Made some really great lasting friends too through it. Heck everyone has baggage of some sort. To expect otherwise is to live a fantasy. You don't get though life without picking up some baggage ... unless you are living in a cave your whole life alone or are comatose.

I think people just put up a fake image sometimes, well guys from what I am told, and there is no faking long term so just be real and pass on those who are not.

If you are confident, secure, and enjoy life and people I think it makes you attractive to the ones who may be right for you. Respect and treat others as you want for yourself in return and you cannot got wrong ... In my humble opinion anyway...LOL

How to get over it???
Assume that you do not own anyone. Assume that she has self esteem issues that you nor anyone else will ever solve for her ... well maybe a shrink. Recognize that YOU did not cheat and are a good guy (I assume) so her loss. Assume that through what she is lacking she is going to go through lame, lying, cheating, scuzzy dog after scuzzy dog in search of happiness through a man's erection and short term attention ... and at the same time you are going to be well received by many many wonderful, intelligent, interesting women waiting to FINALLY meet a decent guy. Her loss buddy ... just remember that and remember the good times you had together and move on. Don't wallow in it but put it in a box and toss it in the trash. Give yourself the time you need but also make friends with some great women (friends I said, not lover) and see that there are so many wonderful women that are honest and trustworthy.

It isn't you, it is her. Heck consider how lucky you are to have discovered it and can find a really good woman when you are ready and make a much better choice.

Good luck to you ... from a guy with three kids and a crazy ex that would have made your wife blush re the "cheating".