The sooner you stop trying to perform and impress, the sooner you're going to become the most impressive performer you've ever been.

The most successful guys in the dating world may look like they are deriving their success from confidence, but it's actually indifference, or more specifically, a lack of self-consciousness.

You're judging yourself way harder than any woman would judge you. In fact, she's judging herself more than you're judging her. With that realization, it should be easy for you to let go of self-consciousness to become indifferent, ultimately allowing you to radiate a glowing sense of confidence.

-Chief

You will feel less fear once you realize how empowered you can feel with something that's a very natural part of you as a woman: your sexuality.

Your sexuality can empower you. I believe that a woman feels more lost, confused, frustrated and powerless if she loses touch with her sexuality.

I would recommend just going out to a bar for a fun night out socializing. Don't think about meeting a man; just have fun and let it happen if it happens. When the opportunity arises, exercise your sexuality (all the way from the ice-breaker to the bedroom) and let it give you some clarity as a woman.

Psh, don't be PATIENT. Life isn't going to shower you with gifts. You have to step up and earn your claim.

Goofball73 touched on this already, but you're socially programmed to be a "nice guy."

I'm going to go through a crude summary of the whole "socially programmed nice guy" spiel and how you can turn yourself from that "just friends" guy to a "lover." This may sound offensive and politically incorrect, but bear with me. It's a crude summary touching only a few points.

"Nice guys" are programmed by the media, etc., to respect women SO MUCH that they oftentimes forget to respect themselves. They even force themselves to suppress their own desires to appease women because this is what they perceive society is telling them to do.

To become pigeonholed as a lover instead of just a friend in a woman's mind, you have to trigger certain feelings within her that a socially programmed "nice guy" simply cannot do.

For starters, don't be afraid to touch her. Now, don't read this and go around groping every attractive woman you see. When you're talking to a girl casually, I bet you are AFRAID to just touch her shoulder to emphasize a point or something regular like that. Being a lover instead of a friend means she sees you as someone she can have sex with. Sex, among many things, is a physical act. Therefore, you must get physical. Just be a casually touchy guy, but use your social intuition to calibrate if you're going too far at any point.

Women loved to be touched. They pay people a ton of money to touch them at the spa and massage parlors. It feels good. Physical human contact makes us feel alive.

Also, read my post about Chemistry in this section of the forum. If you have any further questions, feel free to send me a private message.

Don't listen to your heart. Don't listen to your head. Listen to YOURSELF. You are not your feelings. You are not your brain. Like Tyler Durden says in Fight Club, "you are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world."

Now, you're probably thinking to yourself, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS GUY TALKING ABOUT???" lol I don't blame ya. This is kind of a weird concept, and I could only come to terms with really understanding it through meditation.

I guess you can only listen to "yourself" as I mentioned above if you "know thyself."

I can sketch out a simplified version of what I'm talking about by talking about VALUES. What are your core values, and in what order would you prioritize them? Let your own internal SOLID system of values be your guidance in this situation.

If you need help discovering your core values, consult anyone that does cold reading or practices NLP, which is a branch of hypnosis.

BlueskyJ, playing the wounded puppy isn't exactly what I was talking about. A lot of guys are confused (whether they know it or not) about this whole vulnerability thing.

As a general rule, I don't mention ANYTHING bad about my exes, unless it's about a conflict she has been through that other women can relate to.

Gypsy41 aint lying, dude. If a guy shows that he is all about vulnerability, it's going to be a MAJOR turn off. Sure, it's going to trigger women's mothering nature and make her want to take care of you, but that automatically pigeonholes you into a weak role that can never be associated with a LOVER.

However, exposing your genuine vulnerabilities in a certain way can have a powerful effect. You have to add another ingredient, though: Strength. Sean Messenger (one of the pickup "gurus") once said, "Every woman gets wet at the thought of some calloused-hand construction worker type holding an infant."

It's like Superman. He's a super-powered dude who can kick total butt, BUT HE HAS A WEAKNESS: kryptonite.

Too many guys (especially those in the "emo" culture lol) make the mistake of tossing aside the strength of their manhood to adopt a fake identity of complete vulnerability because they're THAT desperate for female attention.

I would go into this in more depth by explaining other things like how this relates to what the yin-yang symbolizes in Taoism, but I think I made my point.

Alright, so I responded in another thread where people were discrediting "game," saying they would rather "get to the point." I think this would fit better as a separate thread:

I know it's been ages since I've posted anything on JSH...ahem sorry... I mean MINGLE2, but allow me to tell all you guys a little something about CHEMISTRY.

If you're saying that you want to skip the game and just be "straight up and say it from the beginning," you are essentially prioritizing compatibility. You just want to get to the point and see if the two of you are going to work out together, right? Sure, that may sound great, but you're sacrificing something important along the way.

Chemistry is essentially spawned from sexual tension. All women with experience in dating and sex are reading that statement right now and nodding their heads in agreement. Most men, however, will be utterly confused. "Isn't tension a bad thing? Isn't resolution always the end goal?" they will ask.

Would you really want to watch a movie that has JUST a happy ending without all the mess in the middle? Be my guest to pay ten bucks to go watch that movie, but I ain't joining ya.

Playing the game isn't a waste of time. It's an opportunity to build sexual tension, create chemistry, and really get to know the other person through a fun and challenging experience. There WILL be conflict, but that's where the necessary tension comes from. In fact, I oftentimes FAKE conflict with women (and they KNOW it's fake but they play along) to create a flirty vibe between me and her.

The tension makes the release all that much better. It's like building up an orgasm within a woman - you keep bringing her to the brink of orgasm but you tell her to relax her body so that she's unable to... after you do this several times, you tell her to cum and the result is an explosion of pleasure multiplied several times over. The push/pull dynamic between the tension and the release that follows is essentially what the game is, and that is what makes interactions between the sexes fun and fulfilling.

Calling the game "BS" is just nonsense.

Great points, Nursenell76. Above, I have quoted the ones I fully agree with. I think the omitted ones are essentially useless for men to focus on.

Although I disagree with ChuckinSarasota in most of his points (I seriously doubt Dale Carnegie would condone his methods of communication here...in fact, he would probably say that he's trying to take toothpicks out of people's eyes while he's got a log in his), I do think that it would be better to frame these points in a positive way. Instead of "Don't be indecisive," it would be a lot more effective to say "Be decisive." The subconscious mind does not process negatives. Instead, negativity confuses the subconscious mind and creates problems.

I know it's been ages since I've posted anything on JSH...ahem sorry... I mean MINGLE2, but allow me to tell all you guys a little something about CHEMISTRY.

If you're saying that you want to skip the game and just be "straight up and say it from the beginning," you are essentially prioritizing compatibility. You just want to get to the point and see if the two of you are going to work out together, right? Sure, that may sound great, but you're sacrificing something important along the way.

Chemistry is essentially spawned from sexual tension. All women with experience in dating and sex are reading that statement right now and nodding their heads in agreement. Most men, however, will be utterly confused. "Isn't tension a bad thing? Isn't resolution always the end goal?" they will ask.

Would you really want to watch a movie that has JUST a happy ending without all the mess in the middle? Be my guest to pay ten bucks to go watch that movie, but I ain't joining ya.

Playing the game isn't a waste of time. It's an opportunity to build sexual tension, create chemistry, and really get to know the other person through a fun and challenging experience. There WILL be conflict, but that's where the necessary tension comes from. In fact, I oftentimes FAKE conflict with women (and they KNOW it's fake but they play along) to create a flirty vibe between me and her.

The tension makes the release all that much better. It's like building up an orgasm within a woman - you keep bringing her to the brink of orgasm but you tell her to relax her body so that she's unable to... after you do this several times, you tell her to cum and the result is an explosion of pleasure multiplied several times over. The push/pull dynamic between the tension and the release that follows is essentially what the game is, and that is what makes interactions between the sexes fun and fulfilling.

Calling the game "BS" is just nonsense.

What women say and what they actually respond to can be very different things. This is because most people aren't fully self-aware.

We men are the same way in many regards. Think about it, would you like to have a million dollars just handed to you every day?

OF COURSE!!!

Think again. If you were to have a million dollars handed to you every day, it would turn you into an ungrateful, scornful, miserable, bratty old man in no time. It would become a lot harder for you to see the true value of things. It would be harder for you to have a deeper appreciation for anything. You'd be unhappy.

However, if you rightfully EARNED a million dollars a day with genuine hard work, I guarantee you you'd be one of the happiest men alive. In that same sense, a woman has to feel like she's earned affection and attention from a man to really appreciate it. That's why they are drawn to men who play "games."

As for cheating, fvck that sh!t.

get out of the house
single women are everywhere
everrrrrryyyywwhhheeeeere

sup brother

I'm that minus the Phi

in hoc signo vinces

Just wondering if anyone went Greek here, or if I've got any brothers here

lol silly dragon
May you find what you are looking for on whatever path you choose to take

Sorry, I'd rather lead and sweep a woman off her feet.

OK, I lied. I'm not actually sorry

I really don't see the point in asking. Women just want to be taken, and men must realize their innate desire to just take... provided that they know what they're doing, of course

Yeah, I've never actually heard that one before, but I can imagine what it COULD mean...

At first, I admit, I was stumped, and if I was thrown that line in real like, in-field, I may not have passed that congruence test. However, the internet gives like unlimited time

OK, so... "I need you to justify me" could easily mean that she's confused by how you are making her feel. You've successfully implemented tension loops and emotional swings, probably because you have successfully pushed/pulled.

The "you" in that phrase symbolizes how she has anchored the sequence of her emotional experience to you. Good. The embedded command "justify me" shows that her emotional experience with you has not been stagnant and that sexual tension exists with you as the source. Good.

You're money. Don't justify her...yet

My mom loves me

And I love my mom

All those other girls mean nothing in comparison!

I can think of one specific friend of mine I do not respect or trust. He has a reputation for telling all these stories, always lying. You can never tell when he's telling the truth, or if he's ever telling the truth at all. He lies to make himself look better, to brag.
I accept/tolerate him because I don't know his story. I don't know why he's a chronic liar. I don't know him better than anyone else does, so I just know that I cannot judge and withhold my compassion because of it. Now, I'm not dumb, so I don't get too close to him. I heed the warning signs. However, I have yet to have a personal reason to completely disassociate myself to him. Other than the fact that he wears crocs. I hate crocs.

As for a Lover, some level of mutual respect and some level of mutual trust are mandatory.

Allow me to offer my input.

You say that the divorce was over five years ago. If that's the case, I'd trust that you and your ex husband have both matured enough as independent divorced adults to be able to handle living together temporarily. The pair-bond has most likely long been expired on both sides.

Things could get awkward (especially for the children) if either of you are bringing lovers back to the house during the late nights, so I'd advise you two to make an agreement to be sleeping over at other people's houses for those kind of things.

EtherealEmbers - Haha! I love that hotdog picture in your display pic!

Oh, and my standard response to posts in all caps...

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE YELLING ABOUT!!