eh, I told this one already...

Hickory ****ory Dock
3 mice ran up the clock.
the clock struck one,
and the other two filed a class action lawsuit.

I will give you a disaster, but I don't know that it is laughable.

I met and talked to a female for a little while on this site. We emailed, IM'd, and talked on the phone for a while. I liked her personality, and I felt that I got along with her well. Since she lived a distance away, I took a trip to visit her. The plane ride was a disaster and I landed at 12:15 in the morning - 4.5 hours later than planned, without luggage and sorely lacking sleep. To top off the whole thing, the person I was supposed to meet no longer wished to meet me. So I spent a weekend by myself in a hotel room in a different state.

I wish if people posted links they would make them clickable

That was a good one!

OH MAN! that was funny!

Clenching one fist is the size of your heart.
clenching two fists next to each other is the size of your brain.

Your neck is 1/4 the size of your waist.
(if you dont believe me, take a pair of pants that fits your waist. make sure the pants are fastened, and wrap the outside of the waistband around your neck. It will fit about the same as it fits your waist)

What is the difference between God and Bill Gates?


God doesn't think he is Bill Gates.

Eh... Half those wouldn't work.
Like firing at a persons car would get YOU arrested despite the fact that they were on your property.
Best way to get rid of JWs. Say this: I want to be put on your list of do not calls. Do not come back.

A man decides that he will visit his father.
When he gets there, his dad has lunch waiting for him. As they eat their ham sandwiches they talk about the old days.The son notices that his dad has gotten a new dog.
All the father will say about the dog is that he is a stray and is very close with him.
Supper time rolls around and the father makes his son's favorite, spaghetti. The man digs in. When he gets done eating, he happens to notice some mayo still on the plate from lunch.
He says "Dad, I think you missed a spot."
His dad replies, "Son, those plates are as clean as cold water can get them."
Not wanting to ruin the trip, the man doesn't say anything else about it. He goes to bed soon after that.
The next morning he wakes up and his dad already has breakfast cooked - Eggs and Bacon. The son looks at the plate and sure enough there is spaghetti sauce still clinging to the plate.
"Dad, these plates aren't clean"
His father replies "They are as clean as cold water can get them!"
The son eats the food but keeps away from the sauce on the plate. He then goes and packs his things to head home. He and his dad chat until noon and then have lunch. Looking at the plate, it has spaghetti sauce and egg yolk on it.
Disgusted, the son stresses to his dad "Dad, these plates are really not clean. This isn't healthy."
His Dad replies "Those plates are as clean as cold water can get them! I don't ever want to hear you mention it again!"
After finishing lunch the man decides it is time to leave and says his goodbye to his dad. When he gets to the front door, the dog is laying in the way. The son prods and pushes, but can't get the dog to move.
Calling to his dad for help "Hey dad, you dog won't get out of the way of the door!"
The father yells "Cold Water get over here!!"

only 21 for me

Wheee, I am creepy...

very funny

yo momma so skinny that when she turns sideways you can't see her. Yo momma so ugly when she turns forwards you wish she'd turn sideways again.

In person: I look at the eyes (aren't most guys attracted to beautiful eyes?), then how she treats others. (If she is being a jerk to the people she is hanging out with, why would she treat me any different?)
Online: Pictures are good, but I have to agree with roadie: what and how something is written counts a lot. Grammar and spelling can tell you how much she text messages others.

(actually I have one of those magic 8-ball things sitting on my computer desk to tell me if they are right for me )

Thank you all for the warm welcome.
I hope I will be able to visit this place often.

Hello, I thought I would say hi.
Being the techie that I am, I found this place via Seomoz.org.
The co-founder left and essentially joined this place.
funny how life is.

missfabulous - I wouldn't worry about not getting this joke.
I tell it a lot, and a majority of the time I get a blank stare.

You are probably thinking a "drinking establishment" = bar
the joke is talking about a "horizontal steel rod" = bar

2 men walk into a horizontal steel rod the 3rd one ducks. It just doesnt sound as funny.