<SIGH>
You know you are not happy. You know he is treating you badly. You know you'd like him to change. Your choice is to stay there and be a doormat waiting for a miracle to change Dracula into Prince Charming, or to walk away saying "when you change to being nice look me up". IT IS STILL A CHOICE!

Inability to make a decision does not negate that a decision has been made. Indecision is also a decision. The relative "value" of your decision is told in the outcome. What is the definition of insanity?: To do the same thing over and over and expect different results.

If turning queer is your decision then be happy with it. If living in poverty is better than being abused then be happy with it. But quit whining about your indecision and DO something about it. At the very least you'll increase your self esteem by the effort.

Change happens. It is inevitable and can not be avoided. To artificially manipulate the naturally occurring changes is to invite disaster and disappointment. The relationship will determine if those changes are pleasurable or annoying. Remember as much as you are trying to change your partner you are also changing you, which is why the divorce rate is so high. Act in a manner that insures he/she will remain in love with you and the natural changes will be to your liking.

Of course I gave up celebrating birthdays a long time ago. I like the children's expectations and pleasure at Christmas. As far as all the other "Hallmark" holidays, I'd just as soon not. If she doesn't feel loved the other 364 days a year, remembering the anniversary ain't going to cut it.

I will not defend the abhorrent actions of guys who get off being abusive, either verbally or physically. They are not men and have no concept what being an adult is let alone being a man. That being said, it is as much the woman's fault for allowing it. At the first sign of controlling nature and abusive behavior she needs to lay down the law. Where are her limits? Did she ever tell him that type of behavior is unacceptable? Did she leave after it happened the first time?

When it is adult to adult abuse, like slavery, is a choice. I grant you that the choice between slavery and death sucks, it is still a choice! The same is true for abusive relationships. I know men who ***** about not getting enough sex after they got married. Again it is a choice! You made it, you deal with it.

Sorry to be a hard *** about it.

MBD! (Male Bovine Droppings)
Dating is a game. It's a game for men and women to find another person, a mate, to help provide what they alone can not provide. Dating site lingo, "serious" means marriage is the desired goal.

Not a matter of "imposing my will" on her. She is free to do as she pleases. It is a matter of stating my preference and adding an additional weight of importance to that preference. Will I stop loving her if her hair were short? No of course not. But it would diminish the relationship because she is saying that my preferences are not as important has hers. Add three or four of these little things and a deal breaker is in the works.

Same type of thread as many others. A romantic/love/relationship takes "friendship" to a much higher level. Naturally you're friends first, and you progress upward to reach a love status (regardless of sex). Once you've attained that higher level we call love then no you can't have dual loves of equal value. It is impossible to have two "best friends". Do not argue this fact because the word "best" means top, number 1, none equal or higher.

If you are willing to forsake your morals, your self esteem, or your principals for the illusion of love or caring, then that is your choice. Just don't add self-deception to the list of your depravity.

Like and Lust happen on the "net".
Love happens in person. Sorry there are no short cuts to this truth.

learn how to write and spell

Spouse = marriage. A marriage is between a man and a woman for the purpose of starting a family. No where in any vows or definition I've ever heard was in-laws mentioned. Friends, ex;s, parents, siblings, etc. are all great dinner guest not room mates.

Never give money! If they ask then it is not love. Friends happen on-line. Love happens in person.

Best way to put it!

If its been 20 years since she's been dating then she should be old enough and strong enough to know what she wants and ask for it. If she needs advice she's not ready to be dating.

The "thing" belongs not to the woman nor the man. Talk before you get engaged and/or married. Be honest and state what it is you want. If she (or he) tries to make changes then simply say no. Make them anyway and you show them the door. I said cutting her hair was an action worthy of divorce. So she has had long hair from the day we got together. Be honest about what you want and stay strong to the end.

If she (he) loves you then compromise will be agreed on. If not then you're better off single.

Op you answered your own question. If you hold sex dear and a potential partner holds it with disdain, that relationship is doomed. No matter how many other factors are lined up, have a major one displaced and disaster will follow. If one is a clean freak and the other a plop 'n' drop slob that too will doom the relationship.

Important factor = important factor = success.
Important factor = unimportant factor = distress

Quite simple if you can make the determination.

Friendship is a form of love but is well short of the expectations of a committed "love" relationship. Once you commit to an exclusive relationship then you do not own, and have not the right, to give away the affection (sex) that was given to another. If you are simply cyber-friends without the stated exclusive commitment, then there is no expected or implied bonding (marriage).

Once a partner has cheated do we afford any leniency? That is a hard one. Love can conquer all but trust betrayed can destroy all. Children, length of time together, strength of your love, religious convictions, and a few more factors are all part of the equation. It is a personal decision to forgive only and leave or to forgive and try again. Only when you are in the situation can you say which way the current will take you.

As for myself I would be and have been called dominate. I am an accountant so the finances, bill paying, and banking are run through me. Opposing that the spreadsheet records are a matter of public record for her to review and the checkbook is open all the time and balanced twice a month. No purchase over $50 is made without two yeah votes. Both partners have total veto power.

Domicile decorations, pets allowed, and standard placement of important utilities (the remote) are also subject to the I rule within the power of your veto rule. Personal hygiene, body decorations, and sex take on an importance beyond the rules of living together. Hair on the head = long, hair on the ***** = gone. Piercings (other than ears) = not. Tattoos that show = not. Of course this would have been discussed before any long term agreement is reached.

I try to be open and flexible but I fear that I come across quite the dominate and controlling hard ***. I take care of my body and how I look, being showered, shaved, and well groomed daily naturally I expect my other half to be the same.

Sex first through tenth.
Eleventh place comes in for being able to laugh at themselves, me and us.
Twelfth place is is for being reasonable and understanding men are not women and we'll never think (or not think) the way y'all do.
Thirteenth doesn't matter

The difference is often one of perspective not of distance. Love to one may appear to be hate to another. So without a definition of each "opposite" you may be experiencing a personality shift. We all are attracted to those qualities that we lack within ourselves, so in that definition opposites do attract.

So what. If you've progressed to the point of meeting it shoudn't make a difference. It would result in you feeling lied to or you being shallow.