Hey gf, longtime no see :-)

If the "event" was public.... then a public apology would be the right thing to do.

Otherwise it's a load of crap trying to make themselves look good

All I know is that if she doesn't give you a second chance after reading that then SHE is the stupid one.

A few of you know me outside of Mingle. Which means there are a few of you who know what goes on in my personal life. I rarely ever talk about things that are personal on this site. Always felt it was better to not do so. And yet, here I am. About to type out this here post to do a bit of "therapy" for myself. Maybe this will help some of you who have been through this situation. I don't know. If you read it, I just hope in someway that it'll help.

In life, we all make choices. Some are great, positive awe inspiring choices that propel us forward in this thing we call life. Some aren't so great. We dwell on these because we feel doomed by them. Or rather, we beat our heads against the wall wondering why we chose it. Thing is, even these bad choices help mold us. Yes, even as an adult, we make dumb choices. Lol. If only life were so easy right?

So, here is where Goof gets personal with all of you. Few months back, I made a choice that I "felt" was best for me. Selfish? Little bit, cause it involved a woman. I chose to break it off with her, and in doing so, I felt I was making the best decision I could. It hurts to do something like that cause you know you are hurting someone else. Even if it is the truth, it freaking hurts. I won't go into why I chose to end it, cept to say that life truly wasn't on our side. Least, that's how I felt (at the time).

You guys need to understand something. This woman helped me more in this short time I was with her than any other woman has. They say you meet people at certain times in your life and they influence you. I believe God put her there for this reason. I mean, call it God, or Divine Intervention, or whatever you want to. Point is, the moment I met her, she did nothing but make me want to do better. Sometimes it takes the right person saying something that you have probably heard said to you many times over to make it stick. Well, she did that.

Ok, so now you will ask...."Ok dumb butt....then why did you decide to end it with her"? Well, I know now I was wrong. I'm not looking for sympathy. I know that hindsight is always 20/20. I made the wrong call. Sure. I have a lot going for me. Great job, finishing my BA. But for the first time in my life, I have regret. I know it is said to never regret. But, in this case, I do.

I wasn't strong enough to stay and fight. I wasn't strong enough to see the bigger picture. And that is where I was wrong. I should have communicated better and not allow others to say that I was silly thinking that in a year or two she would be there. I lost my way cause I allowed it to happen. And for that, I was wrong. And while it is a regret, I have learned that once I have moved on from this....from her....I won't make the same mistake twice.

And that's the thing. The hard part isn't admitting I was wrong. The hard part? Is knowing that I may have lost something wonderful. More than likely, I did. Now, I have two thoughts here. One is that maybe life will grant me a second chance. Could it be with this woman? There is a small chance that it could happen. I just pray that, when I am ready, I will meet someone just gives me that "vibe" (I am sure you guys know what I am talking about). The other thought I have is that I blew it. That I had something more than just special and I fell. I haven't decided which path is gonna be my life. All I do know is that I must move on.

Then again, moving on isn't always so easy. Oh, in my career and school, it's easy. And, to both of those areas, I owe this woman all the grattitude in the world for helping me realize that I had more worth. That I could achieve so much. I just needed an inspiration. And she gave that to me.

My point here is this. We...all of us....phuck's up. Sometimes it is small. Other times? Oh man it is Earth shattering. Life does go on. It has to. Still, I will hold this choice close to my heart cause of what it did to me....and what it did to her. Am I being dramatic? Some will say I am. I just believe I am looking at myself and the wrong decision I made. It's always easy to deflect. To say that, "Well, this person did this to me, so I just got them back". Or, "I was feeling this or that, and blah, blah, blah". Thing is, I know the blame begins and ends with me on this one. And, I accept it.

This is the last post I am gonna make here for quite some time. So, I am gonna end with this. I don't know if time will heal this for me. Honestly, it may heal it some. All I know is that there will come a day when I can move forward. At that point, the choice will be simple. Or, maybe I will be surprised one day and feel the "magic" I felt with her. The latter may never happen though. And, I am beginning to be ok with this. Still, it doesn't change the regret. I was wrong. One day I may get the chance to prove I am worthy of showing how strong I am....and how strong I should have been.

I hope that this maybe helped someone. Sorry it was long whinded. Lol. My self therapy session is over. Haha.

Glad to see you back.

Stefy! Where ya been?

"We are not going to do things on your terms"

...wtf does that mean?

damn you wind!
calm down.
you're going to make me have a panic attack.
my jeans went missing.
>.<
wtf.
who stole em?
grrr.
it's so damn cold.
i feel like vomiting.
i don't want to talk to you.
i don't want to think about tomorrow.
i'm going to throw all of my neighbor's wind chimes in the trash.
i get to see my brother.
:D
yay.
oh no.
i get to see that other guy.
O.O
i swear i will slit his throat this time if he says the tiniest little comment.
one more day til lego moleskins come out.
hooray.
i still need tons of canvas.
i want a studio.
i've wanted one forever.
i should lease out a building.
oh wait.
my sister is looking for a place.
i'll tell her to find one for me as well.
i gave her shoes today.
meh.
i have way too many that i never wear.
i need water.
i hope like hell nothing makes me want to slit my wrists.
>.<
perhaps i'll get drunk.
bleh.
no i won't.
oh yay.
peppermints.
i should go to bed.
i have to get up at four.
o.O
ah ****.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
sit and observe the little things that people do.
you'll laugh hysterically.