YEP BIG FLIRT .....sorry jus' bein me

Ok for those who have read my profile & those that will....

This is created for all who have little or BIG quirks & want to know who would put up with us.

Hmmmmmmmmmm hello? What a novel idea...... might have 2 try that sometime......

Guess i get skeeeeeerd....

Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street.

The first one says "I've never come this way before"

The second one replies "Must be the cobbles"

well ....breathin is always nice......

gonna hog tie him

(((((sprite darlin'))))))

A Texas cowboy walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male
Pharmacist. The elderly woman he was talking to said that she was the
Pharmacist and as she and her also widowed elderly sister owned the
Store, there were no males employed there.
She then asked if she could help the gentlemen.
The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more
Comfortable discussing this with a male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional
And whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident
That she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.
The old bronco-buster agreed and began by saying, 'this is tough for me
To discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of
Problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could
Give me for it.'
The pharmacist s aid, 'Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister.'
When she returned, she said, 'We discussed it at length and the absolute
Best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3,000
A month, plus living expenses.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'

How do you fix a woman's watch?

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.



Be 4 all the hate mail I do not believe all this

Excitable -- Shorts half twisted around, can't find hole, rips shorts.

Sociable -- Joins friends and pisses whether he has to or not, figures it doesn't cost anything.

Cross-eyed -- Looks in the urinal on the left, pisses in the middle, and flushes the one on the right.

Timid -- Can't piss if someone is watching. Flushes and comes back later.

Indifferent -- All urinals are being used, pisses in sink.

Clever -- Look Ma, no hands! Fixes tie, looks around and pisses on floor.

Worried -- Not sure if he has been in lately, stops in for a quick check.

Frivolous -- Plays stream up, down, and across urinals, tries to hit a bug on the wall.

Childish -- Pisses directly in the bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

Absent-minded -- Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

Sneak -- Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows guy in next stall will get blamed.

Patient -- Stands very close for a long time waiting, reads a newspaper with his free hand.

Desperate -- Waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

Tough -- Bangs di#k on side of urinal to dry it.

Efficient -- Waits until he has to crap, then does both.

Fat - Backs up and takes long shot at urinal, pisses on his shoe.

Drunk - Holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.

Disgruntled - Stands waiting for a long time, gives up, walks away.

Conceited -- Holds two inch di#k like baseball bat.

worked 2nd shift. ..... was bored & need somethin 2 do....

Are you a member of the Taliban?

(taken from the Guantanamo interrogation guide)

You might be Taliban if -

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a £3,000 machine gun and £5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your arse with your bare left hand, but consider pork "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that mobile phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You've ever uttered the phrase,"I love what you've done with your cave."
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
11. You bathe at least monthly whether necessary or not.
12. You've ever had a crush on your neighbor's goat.

Toured the HD Factory last March in Ol' Mil.

so that's what happened 2 mine?

I was really thinkin' somethin' else.....

hmmmmmmmmmmm minds wanderin' now....

that's fine , but the cleanin' bills on you.

How'd u type this??

Lookin for a lady that will do laundry .I will do the cookin'.....