As I sit here and listen to my own screaming mind, some thoughts seem to be louder than others. I oftentimes hear things I shouldn't hear, especially when I am trying to do other things, but I guess there is no rest for a fast paced mind. I think it's time to write them out. Where do I start? That's the thing about me; I never know where to start. Some would state that that is a good thing. It keeps things fresh, exciting and unpredictable. I personally hate it because I need some form of structure to cling to in most cases. Sure I can go on a rampage and be random, but that doesn't always work all the time. Anyway, I am digressing. Again. Let me just say what I have to say and be done with it.

First of all, I am working off of three hours of sleep. That's never a good thing, but, who truly gives a damn as long as a deadline is met, right? Does it bother me personally? Not at the moment, no. However, I do tend to get a bit cranky when I don't have adequate sleep. For those of you who truly know me, they know I speak the truth. But you didn't come here to read about my sleeping habits, did you? I didn't think so. Moving right along. For those of you who know, or choose to care, I make videos in my spare time. Before I continue, let me give you my definition of 'spare time'. Spare time is the time that one has leftover once all of the daily tasks are finished, and the stresses accumulated in the current 24 hour span have melted away. So as you can see I barely have any spare time for pleasurable activities, sufficed to say. It sucks, I admit. But, I somehow manage to force a smile on my face to give an appearance of joy to some. I truly don't understand why I do it myself honestly. I guess I take it upon myself to be some sort of 'good guy'. Who knows anymore, because I sure as hell don't.

Anyway, like I stated before, I make videos. Juicebox Mediabox Productions to be exact. Check it out, refer your friends, 'like' my page. Whatever. I'm there, I'll stay there. I'm on YouTube if you're curious. Now that my shameless self promotion is over with, I can now rant about it. As much time, effort and thought I put into my videos, I feel no one really watches them or understands them. Am I complaining? Possibly. Hell, I wish I knew what I was rambling about right now. Like I said, I am running off of three hours of sleep. I do these videos, vlogs to be more specific, because I enjoy telling my views on a subject, or to talk to the world about the things on my mind. The way I feel when I pick up a pen and write my innermost thoughts is the same feeling I get when I place myself in front of the camera. It's a rush for me; a truly unexplainable rush. I feel better when I am in front of the camera, if that makes any sense. Maybe it doesn't. To each their own, I guess.

What else has been going on with me lately? Outside of school and work, nothing really. I don't have time for anything else, and with gas steadily going up everyone's ***, I don't think anyone is going to have money to do anything remotely fun. Well, outside of the free things like doing cartwheels in a field, poking a sleeping person or masturbating in a closet. Whatever floats your boat. I'm not here to judge. I guess at the end of the day, before I lay my head on my pillow at night, I wonder if I am in the right place in my life. I look back at where I was, then I look at where I am, and I truly wonder if I ****ed up somewhere previously to be in the current state I'm in. Of course this might just be in my head, and I'm ok with that. I am. I just wish I knew what to tell myself when I felt this way. Again, this might just be the lack of sleep talking, or it might just be close to the end of my rant. Another nonsensical rant without any real structure or reasoning. Hey, we think jumbled thoughts, do we not? I tend to write mine out, so sue me.

Allow me to pose this question: if you had one chance to change something in your life, be it the past or the present, would you take the chance, or would you continue on your present path? I think everyone has that thought at some point in their lives. I tend to think about life and its many aspects quite often. I also tend to 'scare' people when I go deep inside myself and talk about the things that are close to my heart. Some people state that I am too deep for them to handle, or they try to pussyfoot around an issue I bring up. Here's the one I tend to chuckle at most times, some people try to rephrase what I state to make it seem less credible than when I stated it. I'm not a fool by any means. I am an intelligent man in many aspects. An intelligent man who has very little patience for ******** and idiocy. I'm far from an SAT, so please don't try to test me. Thanks in advance.

Some of you may be wondering what I am even writing about, aren't you? If you figure it out, let me know, will you please? I think I am just spilling my mind out on paper, or in this case, my keyboard. It's better than laying awake in my bedroom staring at the wall, isn't it? I like to think so, personally. I guess I'll end this...thing...here for now. Take care folks.


P.S. - Be proud of who you are and who you choose to be. You have one voice: use it. You have one heart: let it beat. You have one life: live it. At the start of the day, I dare you to be different. I do. Can you?

Thanks, 2Kids.

Have you ever had someone in your life that you cared about to the point that it hurt? I’ve been in that situation as of late, but my situation seems a bit strange. You see, like I stated in a previous note, I had an older sister named Jessica. She passed away after she was born on June 23rd, 1985. My mom gets sad around that time, and it really shows. She lost her daughter, and I can only be there for her to help her grieve, if need be. However, I can’t really feel her heartache, if that makes sense. At least not in the way she feels it. But to be honest, I can’t even put a label on the whole ‘gender specific pain’ that seems to be floating around. I’ve loved and lost as well, and to be blunt, it hurts like a son of a *****. Sometimes at night, I find myself wide awake (This is nothing new, trust me.) thinking about what my life could’ve been like had Jessica lived. How I would interact with people, or how my own family life would be. Would I be more social with family as opposed to right now? Would I have this anger and distance from my half-sisters? Better question: Would my immediate family be like it is right now? Despite all of the anger, the fights, the good times, the laughter, the tears and the follies, would we all be close like we are now had she lived? The mere thought of it makes me cry, because I’ll never know the answer.



It may seem selfish to some, you know, writing about this. But I feel like I owe this to her in some respect. I wonder if Jessie and I would have the same tastes in music, art, food or even clothing. Despite her being roughly a year older than me, would I have played the role of ‘protector’ toward her? Here’s a question I almost shudder to think of: Would my dad be ‘that dad’ when she brought guys over to meet us? You know what I’m talking about, right? The big guy with the shotgun who just stares at you, hoping to find an ounce of deceit within you, as he happily, and a bit cynically, strokes the barrel of his gun, all the while talking to you about how precious his little girl is and whatnot. Yeah, it scared me too. But, I wouldn’t put it past my dad. He loves his daughter, my half-sister Da’Nae for those of you who were wondering, or gave a damn, and me equally. If someone hurt her, I’m fairly sure he’d tear the world apart to find out who did it. Kudos, pops. However, I digress. These thoughts of mine get stronger by the day, and I find myself asking more ‘whys’ as opposed to anything else. Outside of my other half-sister Kindra, my mom’s daughter, did God (Or whatever religious figure you believe in. I don’t judge.) even want my mom to have more than one child? Jessica died as soon as she had three minutes of life outside of the womb, and I was damn near dead at several points during my first ten months of my life. It seems like a sick joke if you ask me.



I think I know why my mother cries now, honestly. Maybe she, too, has these questions. Not so much from a sibling to sibling stance like I do, but more along the lines of the mother/daughter relationship. How would she and my mom interact with one another? Would Jessica and my mom share the same things that my mom and I share? Would they be clones of one another? Would she drive me crazy at some point? I don’t know, nor will I ever get the chance to know. However, I think this is exactly why, when I have children of my own, I want a large family. One child would be awesome, sure, but I don’t want my son, or my daughter, to grow up alone, if you will. You can have all the friends you want, but at the end of the day, when you get picked up from school, or you get picked up from grandma and grandpa’s house, you’re getting picked up alone. You go home alone. That bothers me a great deal, especially since I dealt with it during my own life. I don’t want my little boy, or my little girl, to grow up without a brother or sister. I don’t want them to know what it’s like to be alone, at least from a sibling point of view. I’m all for kids having spontaneity and imagination, or even imaginary friends, but, in my honest opinion, that can only go so far. And for the record, imaginary friends don’t work. I’ve tried it when I was younger, and I’m not ashamed to admit it. As I sit here and think more about Jessica and what life could’ve been like, I find myself reverting back to thoughts of school and whatnot. I’m not sure why. Probably has something to do with the whole ‘finding yourself’ thing, especially when it comes to junior high and high school. What would that have been like? I was pretty quiet and standoffish in high school for the most part, but as I got used to my surroundings, I was pretty cool. I often wonder what my sister would’ve been like though. Would she be the social butterfly, or the hardcore studier? Would she be a rebel, or a teacher’s pet? Personally, I think it would be kind of cool if she stood up for friends who deserved it and such. Hell, I think it would be cool if she invited me over to sit down and have lunch with her from time to time. It’s the little things that make life awesome, you know?



I’m 25 years old. 26 this year. Had she lived, Jessica would be 26 going on 27. Looking back on my own life, a part of me wants to say it was wasted, while another part of me wants to say it was miraculous. However, I think my life is just what it is: life. Life isn’t perfect, no matter how much you want it to be or wish it was. You take the hand you’re dealt, and you play the hell out of it. I just wish the dealer would’ve given Jessica more time to get her hand organized before they made her fold. It angers me outright, and I am not ashamed to admit this either. I crave a sibling. I do. Yes, I have half-sisters, but we’re not close at all. Legitimately. One of them is in God-Knows-Where North Carolina (Last I heard), while my other half-sister is somewhere in Illinois. Every time I see either of them, I get somewhat sick to my stomach, and yet, I put on a smile to ensure that things are alright, at least for the sake of my parents. But then I think about Jessica, and how I would be had she lived. Would this feeling even come to fruition? Better yet, would she feel the same way I do? Who knows. All I know is that I miss my big sister, even though I never laid eyes on her, nor have I uttered a word to her. I don’t think it’s silly at all, nor do I think it’s foolish to feel this way. She’s my family. She’s my blood. Regardless of consequence, fate or otherwise, that much remains true. I shed my tears for her.



I love you, Jessica. With all of my heart.



-Your younger brother,

James

Whatever juice you want it to be lol. Thank you for the positive response!

Good evening, 2Kids!

Thanks for the feedback!

“What’s on your mind today, James?” I hear that question a lot these days, and to be honest, I never really have a definite answer for people when they ask me that. That’s almost like asking someone, “Hey, what millisecond is it right now?” Things are always changing, and my mind is no different. I’m always thinking about something, some little mundane detail or quirk, regardless if I notice it or not is irrelevant. Why did I start this off in this way? You’ll find out shortly. Over the past few weeks, in addition to today, I have been tossing around some things in my head. Some good. Some bad. Some indifferent. Let’s just get into it, shall we?



I have friends who I legitimately care about. Some I’ve known longer than others, but at the end of the day, I care for you like a brother or a sister. I am not going to mention names, since some of those people may, or may not, be reading this right now. What is my definition of friendship? It’s ironic, my mother asked me this question last night at dinner, and I told her the same thing I am about to tell you all. Friendship is a relationship in which one spends time with another while they have the time to spend with one another. That was a mouthful, right? Let me break it down further. We all have a limited time on this Earth, and not everyone has the same length of time as others. If you have friends, I’m talking real, legitimate, honest friends, spend time with them. No one is guaranteed tomorrow, and I think a lot of people take that for granted. I never did, but I know some people that are right now. Again, I’m not naming names. I love my friends. I’ve said to them over the telephone, I’ve said this to their faces. When I use the phrase ‘I love you’, you can bet your *** I mean it. I don’t say it in a way these kids today say it. No. I legitimately mean what I say. I have my brothers, and I have my sisters. I cherish them, even though we may not speak with one another all the time. My main gripe about friendship is when people take the friendships for granted. Allow me to give you an example.



Let’s say, hypothetically, you get a call or a text from one of your friends. You want to hang out, have a good time (Whatever that might mean), have some laughs, whatever. You go meet up at their home, or at a public place, and you commence to have a ball. Fun, right? But what happens when that fun gets stretched to the point of borderline snapping in two? What do I mean by that? Outside things get in the way of one’s life, and I truly get that. I do. It’s happened to me countless times. However, I never forgot that I had friends. I never forgot that I had people in my life, outside of blood family, that I love, respect and would do anything for. A simple five minute phone conversation can do wonders for a person. If you don’t know what I am talking about, try calling a person, as opposed to texting them for a change. You’ll definitely see, and feel, the difference. However, I am digressing to some degree, so I will continue on. Work, girlfriends, boyfriends, school, bills, etc. These are the key things in causing some ‘distance’ between friends. Some see it, while others don’t. This causes some friction amongst some groups of friends, but if one sees it before it gets too bad, then those individuals are applauded for trying to make time for those who care about them. If you get into a bind, and you truly need a friend to help you cope, or just to listen to their voice of reassurance, and they blow you off for their girlfriend/boyfriend, a new video game, or for a potential date with the hot redhead at the corner grocery, wouldn’t that piss you off a little bit? Wouldn’t that make you look at that person in a different light, so to speak? Has this occurred in my life before? Yes. Do I hate or despise those people who chose to abuse the relationship we built upon? I’m not going to lie: I used to. However, I grew up quite quickly. My whole thing is as follows: I was doing great before I met you, and I’ll continue to do great without you. As harsh as that might sound, and as much as it might hurt at some point, it’s the dead honest truth. Take it for what you will. Or don’t. It’s not an issue to me. Chances are you probably won’t even comprehend it, let alone grasp the concept of such. We’ll still be ‘friends’, right?



I am an intellectual. I crave intellect like one craves sex, drugs or any other vice. It’s a turn on for me, if you will. If someone of the opposite sex can sit down with me, have an actual conversation (None of that ‘LOLOMGWTF’ ****) and provide proof for her stance, then I’ll pretty much get my fix. Regardless of who’s ‘right or wrong’ in the topic at hand is seriously irrelevant. It’s about feeding one’s mind based on the mind of another. I want that more than anything, and I seriously can’t find that with women around here. And before I continue, yes, there is a difference between girls and women. If you need to ask me what it is, you should seriously kick your own ***. Anyway, like I was saying, that is a major turn on for me. If you can get what I am saying, without having to ‘pretend’ that you do, you’re pretty much spot on with me. If you can make me laugh, it’s a huge bonus. If you enjoy spontaneity, that, too, is a huge bonus. If you have those moments where you just want to sit back, relax and play some games, I’m okay with that. However, don’t be simpleminded. I’m not saying be well immersed in every aspect of life as we know it. That’s overkill, and quite frankly it’ll make your head explode from the inside out. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Just be able to hold a conversation, you know? For once in my dating life, I would love to be able to hold a two hour conversation, nonstop mind you, with someone, as opposed to having a brief encounter with someone who can’t hold any form of logic. That truly bothers me. Maybe I’m being picky. We all are picky. We all have standards, if you will. Me? I just want my fix. Maybe this is why I truly am okay with being single. Yes. I am okay with being on my own. Unlike most people who cry, *****, moan and borderline maim themselves, I am alright with waking up alone, going to bed alone and enjoying a night alone. It’s peaceful. Do I miss the company? Sometimes. It’s normal to do so. However, it’s not going to make me want to ‘end it all’ because I don’t have anyone to share the night with. I’m not that cynical.



I think that’s enough rage for one day. I’m fairly sure I’ll have something more uplifting and jovial to post at some point down the road, but, hey, you never know with me. Whatever pops into my head, you know? If it’s worth writing about, I’ll do it. No questions asked. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some other matters to attend to. Much love to you all. Take it easy.

That's pretty interesting, actually. I never knew about that, and I thank you for sharing that with everyone. :) I don't particularly agree with it to be honest, but, I can see why some people would. The only thing I adore about hips and waists are if I can hold them when I hold my lover. Other than that, the science behind hit just makes me think too much lol.

The pleasure is all mine. I will be writing more. :)

Thank you, 2KidsMom! Much appreciated! My writings can be a bit lengthy, I admit lol.

I've always heard, from various people growing up, that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That a person's inside was what mattered, as opposed to their outside. As I got older, I saw, and witnessed, that this wasn't the case. Let's just be real here: people are selfish bastards who will easily say, "We can be friends" or "I love you like a friend. A brother/sister, actually!" to someone who isn't their personal definition of 'attractive', but will turn around and spread their legs to a 'cute' guy, or in today's world, the ******** and douche bags, or get their ***** hard for the next 'piece of ***' that walks in their direction. The world is driven, and attracted to, this idea that physical perfection is the basis for a long and illustrious relationship. Size 0's and fake breasts are all that one man needs to be happy, while a sizable bank account and a closet full of shoes are all that one woman needs to be happy. ********. Absolute, utter ********. Why is it ********? Well, I guess to find the answer to that, you'll have to keep reading, don't you?



It's no secret that I am a large man. I am not a skinny man, nor have I ever been. I've been a bigger guy for as long as I can remember, and as far as I know, I've always been ridiculed for it. What can I say, kids are ********. It's called life. We've discussed this before, did we not? Moving on. But I think I discovered just how harsh the world can be when I finally looked at girls in a different light. Puberty tends to do that, you know? Crushes, staring from afar, admiring from a distance, imagining yourself with your crush, etc. You name it, I did it. It's normal. When I was in high school, this all changed. I had a lot of crushes, but I never acted on any of them. Why? For one, they all seemed to have boyfriends, or the appearance of such. Two, they were athletic, while I wasn't. Major turn off from what I hear. And finally, it seemed as if every girl I ever developed feelings for was on some sort of medication, or needed to be ON some sort of medication. Think about that for a moment. I recall this one moment during my Sophomore year of high school. I was given a red rose during my 7th period art class. I didn't know what it meant, but it was nice. Yes, I like getting flowers. And I adore roses. There you go. Anyway, I went back to my locker, and there was a note stuffed inside of it. It said, 'From an admirer'. I never got anything like that before, and it made me feel good. A few weeks later, I finally found out who did it. For the sake of keeping this person's identity a secret, I will just call her 'Iris'. Iris was the one who put the note in my locker, but her intentions weren't to get to know me like I had thought and dreamed about for weeks afterward. Her intentions weren't to be asked out to the dance that was coming up in a few short weeks. No. It was to make the fat man feel good. You ever dangle food in front of a dog? And you see that longing look of hope in its eyes? Yeah. I had that look. I found out the truth from one of my closest friends at the time, and it crushed me something fierce. I cursed her out with the most venomous things I could think of at the time, and I flipped her off. I got a detention for it, but in my mind it was worth it. I was heartbroken, and you never, ever play with someone's heart.



Needless to say, I didn't trust girls much after that, even though you're not exactly supposed to let one bad apple destroy the bunch. My high school love life was pretty much nonexistent, which was fine. I didn't have time to be caught up in drama, nor did I have time to ogle at who got pregnant that week. I can't begin to tell you how many times I wanted to legit rage quit and just not go to school. That's another story for another day. Trust me. Moving right along here. You're probably asking yourself, “What does this have to do with anything?” Well, it's quite simple. As I grew older, and as soon as college became a part of my life, I've seen how men and women handle other types of men and women. I'm no expert, but I can tell you how many times I've heard, “I like you as a brother”, “I love you as a friend”, “Any girl will be lucky to have you”, etc. I am so tired of hearing that stuff from women nowadays. It makes me want to legitimately taze them. There is no joke here. I'm honest with them; be honest with me in return. It's funny how a smile from one person can mean something, while that same smile from someone else can mean something totally different. People base way too much on appearance. People look at appearance more than they look at the heart and soul of a person. That really pisses me off. But, I will say this, I find it hilarious when a 'pretty' girl has issues with her loved one. Why? They always, ALWAYS run to someone like me. And they seriously think that we want to hear about their problems? Not always, no. If you opened your eyes and saw the good man, or the good woman, in front of you, you wouldn't BE crying your heart out right now, would you? I don't think so. As far as I go, I love women period. I don't have a size preference. I just ask for honesty, a sense of humor and intellect. It seems as though when I'm out with them, all they see is a big guy. They don't bother to get to know James Jones III, nor do they get to know my depths. They see my body, and then they either friend zone my ***, or they play the 'brother card'. Or, my personal favorite, the 'We should hang out again sometime' speech. It's always nice to hang out again, but you never have time TO hang out. Yeah. I got a chuckle out of it too.



Some of you may think that this is just sour grapes. Well, you couldn't be more wrong. This is about my borderline seething hatred for people relying on society's image of beauty and perfection, as opposed to trusting in yourself to see the beauty and perfection in others. Do I find size 0's attractive? It depends, really. If you're an angry size 0, then I will feed you so you can calm down. If you're a happy-go-lucky size 0, I will give you a hug. That's just how I am. I get to know people: I don't give a flying **** what you look like. Big, small, tall, short, fat, skinny, I don't care. I never cared. I have another example for you all. A few months ago or so, I went out on a dinner outing with a young lady at Panera Bread. Now, she's skinny, shorter than I am and she's a bit shy. I didn't care. I just wanted to eat dinner with her and get to know her a bit better. We were talking, and she was telling me about her plans for herself after college when she finally graduated. When I am interested in what you're saying, I look at you. I smile. I actually listen to what you have to say. It's called 'being courteous'. Try it sometime, ladies and gentlemen. Anyway, she stopped in the middle of her conversation and asked me what I was looking at. I wasn't really looking at anything in particular, but I was listening to what she was saying. After we ate, we said our goodbyes and went home. Later that night, I get a text from her saying that she just wanted to be friends, and that she wasn't looking for anyone right now. That's another one of my favorites, by the way. I wasn't looking for anything either, and I was somewhat taken aback when she sent me that text. If I was interested in you, I would've told you up front. Besides that, I enjoy having conversation over dinner, or any meal for that matter. If I wanted to eat and run, I would've just went home. That really bothered me for a few days, especially since she just assumed that I was wanting to get with her. Nay, madam. Nay.



All I have to say is this: love the skin you're in. Don't follow the hype or the whore that is the media. This reality TV ******** is NOT our reality, so stop worshiping it like it's some sort of god. I know plenty of women, who are larger in size, who are ****ing beautiful. If they didn't live far from me, or if they actually took a chance and said a slow yes, I would love to see where things went with us. Again, that's a different story for a different day. Honesty is the best policy, this is true. However, don't use lies camouflaged as honesty. That just makes you look like a cynic. A coward. An *******. I am who I am. I love who I am, and I love the man I see in the mirror. At some points in my life, there have been women who did the same. I don't try to be someone I'm not. I am James Jones III, and at the end of the day I will remain James Jones III. To all of those women who starve yourselves to look like a Jennifer Lopez, or a runway model: stop. It's not healthy, and it's not attractive. Be proud of who you are. If you weigh 85 pounds, or 285 pounds, be damn proud of it. There will always, ALWAYS be a man out there who love every curve on your body. Guys, stop trying to kill yourselves with these schemes to get buff quick. Stop trying to appeal to this idea of perfection. You're perfect the way you are. Trust me. Everyone is different. Be damn proud that you're different from the other 6 billion people on this planet. DARE to be different. It's not just a phrase: it's a way of life. If you have something about yourself that you truly don't like and can do without, do away with it for YOU: not for society's warped image of what you NEED to look like. Take it from me, you'll hate yourself in the long run.



That's enough for right now. I just had to speak on this issue, especially since it's something that I hold close to my heart. For all I know, those who are reading this may have been in my shoes. Take it easy, guys. Have a good one.

Ladies, perhaps some of you can explain this to me.

Last Friday, I asked a friend of mine if she would like to go to Borders with me. Our particular Borders has a Starbucks attached to it, so, I figured it'd be nice to catch up on each others lives over a few cups of coffee. She said that she had somethings to do during the time I asked her about, so, I said that we would hang out another time. I really like this girl, but I don't want to wear my heart on my sleeve, you know? Anyway, I am digressing.

I went to the Borders anyway, seeing as how I like to sit and read in a relaxing place. I bought a Garfield book, paid for it, and got myself some coffee. I sat in the Starbucks and read the book, and maybe 20 minutes into it, I happened to look up. I saw the girl I was asking to come with me that night, and she was with another guy, and they looked fairly happy, or serious. I'm old fashioned, and I don't really assume a whole lot. But at that moment, I realized the phrase "Maybe we could go out for some coffee" was officially the equivalent of holding a pin-less grenade.

I don't worry about my weight whatsoever. Yes, I work out and whatnot, but, I don't worry about looking in the mirror and hating the guy I see looking back at me. I'm a BBM, and I am so darn proud of it.

Besides? The thicker the better.

I agree with this 100%

JuiceboxJJ3

The "Juice" and/or "Juicebox" portion is a nickname I've had since high school.

The "JJ3" portion happens to be my initials (James Jones III)

I've often thought about this issue for a while, and I, too, wonder if more years of meaningless education is worth the hassle. While I am all for getting that piece of fancy paper with my university's name on it, I look at it from another perspective: the time I spent stressing out over grades, worrying myself sick to meet deadlines, or cramming knowledge into my brain to the point where I became physically ill, could I have been doing something else?

For example, my major is Radio Broadcasting, and there are numerous ways I can get my voice heard. While many people frown upon the idea of radio, I happen to view it as a way to reach the masses 24/7. Podcasting, Youtube, heck, even broadcasting from your own basement, granted you have the means to do so, can get you noticed, and possibly employed, be it with a company or by the self.

Do I knock those individuals who "wasted away" in school? Never. More power to them. Do I salute the "dropouts" who left to pursue other things? Not really. If you have the drive to succeed, and you make the moves needed to do what you love, then you'll be alright. Look at your auto mechanics and your bankers. Some of them don't have a college degree, but they are skilled in their craft. A good majority of them are doing what they love to do, and in my eyes, I truly believe that that is all that matters at the end of the day.

Just my two cents on this whole ordeal.

Take it from someone who lost a beloved friend from a suicidal thought: It's not worth it. The clouds will break open, causing the sun to shine. It's not game over...the game is just paused. :)

Ah thanks my friend!

Thank you :)

Thank you both so much! :)

Empty

Empty.
The good times I could have shared. The bad times I oftentimes dared.
Sitting alone as the world passes by, trying to stop these tears that I cry.
Empty.
When my gold heart lost its shine. When the soul of this man seemed to rapidly decline.
Walking aimlessly to ill fates, staring at the greener grasses that lie beyond the bolted gates.
Empty.
When the words I speak no longer make sense. The thoughts in my mind losing all substance.
When I give up all hope and don’t even try. I wake up every morning, just waiting to die.
Still empty.
Won’t someone please rescue me from the conflict in my soul that will surely be the death of me?
Is there anyone out there who can truly release my grip on this pain that I bear?
Running on empty.
I’m at the end of my rope. I need to find another outlet, or a better way to cope.
My friends don’t seem to ask, or even seem to care. I guess my only option is one dangerous dare.
Almost empty
Maybe it’s better this way. Life will still go on without me standing in its way.
One more time to do something great. One more time to produce another mistake.
Dead empty.
Looking down at the crossroad, still carrying the weight of this unholy load.
I need to do this. I owe it to myself. No more spilled tears. No more crying out for help.
Empty.
The hearts of the mother and father who weep as they lower the body of their son or their daughter.
No one told them they had a way out. No one kept them from filling their mind with doubt.
Never empty.
Listen to the words that I say. No one in this world is guaranteed a sunny day.
Open your eyes and let the truth shine in…don’t kill something before it ever gets a chance to begin.