As I sit here and listen to my own screaming mind, some thoughts seem to be louder than others. I oftentimes hear things I shouldn't hear, especially when I am trying to do other things, but I guess there is no rest for a fast paced mind. I think it's time to write them out. Where do I start? That's the thing about me; I never know where to start. Some would state that that is a good thing. It keeps things fresh, exciting and unpredictable. I personally hate it because I need some form of structure to cling to in most cases. Sure I can go on a rampage and be random, but that doesn't always work all the time. Anyway, I am digressing. Again. Let me just say what I have to say and be done with it.

First of all, I am working off of three hours of sleep. That's never a good thing, but, who truly gives a damn as long as a deadline is met, right? Does it bother me personally? Not at the moment, no. However, I do tend to get a bit cranky when I don't have adequate sleep. For those of you who truly know me, they know I speak the truth. But you didn't come here to read about my sleeping habits, did you? I didn't think so. Moving right along. For those of you who know, or choose to care, I make videos in my spare time. Before I continue, let me give you my definition of 'spare time'. Spare time is the time that one has leftover once all of the daily tasks are finished, and the stresses accumulated in the current 24 hour span have melted away. So as you can see I barely have any spare time for pleasurable activities, sufficed to say. It sucks, I admit. But, I somehow manage to force a smile on my face to give an appearance of joy to some. I truly don't understand why I do it myself honestly. I guess I take it upon myself to be some sort of 'good guy'. Who knows anymore, because I sure as hell don't.

Anyway, like I stated before, I make videos. Juicebox Mediabox Productions to be exact. Check it out, refer your friends, 'like' my page. Whatever. I'm there, I'll stay there. I'm on YouTube if you're curious. Now that my shameless self promotion is over with, I can now rant about it. As much time, effort and thought I put into my videos, I feel no one really watches them or understands them. Am I complaining? Possibly. Hell, I wish I knew what I was rambling about right now. Like I said, I am running off of three hours of sleep. I do these videos, vlogs to be more specific, because I enjoy telling my views on a subject, or to talk to the world about the things on my mind. The way I feel when I pick up a pen and write my innermost thoughts is the same feeling I get when I place myself in front of the camera. It's a rush for me; a truly unexplainable rush. I feel better when I am in front of the camera, if that makes any sense. Maybe it doesn't. To each their own, I guess.

What else has been going on with me lately? Outside of school and work, nothing really. I don't have time for anything else, and with gas steadily going up everyone's ***, I don't think anyone is going to have money to do anything remotely fun. Well, outside of the free things like doing cartwheels in a field, poking a sleeping person or masturbating in a closet. Whatever floats your boat. I'm not here to judge. I guess at the end of the day, before I lay my head on my pillow at night, I wonder if I am in the right place in my life. I look back at where I was, then I look at where I am, and I truly wonder if I ****ed up somewhere previously to be in the current state I'm in. Of course this might just be in my head, and I'm ok with that. I am. I just wish I knew what to tell myself when I felt this way. Again, this might just be the lack of sleep talking, or it might just be close to the end of my rant. Another nonsensical rant without any real structure or reasoning. Hey, we think jumbled thoughts, do we not? I tend to write mine out, so sue me.

Allow me to pose this question: if you had one chance to change something in your life, be it the past or the present, would you take the chance, or would you continue on your present path? I think everyone has that thought at some point in their lives. I tend to think about life and its many aspects quite often. I also tend to 'scare' people when I go deep inside myself and talk about the things that are close to my heart. Some people state that I am too deep for them to handle, or they try to pussyfoot around an issue I bring up. Here's the one I tend to chuckle at most times, some people try to rephrase what I state to make it seem less credible than when I stated it. I'm not a fool by any means. I am an intelligent man in many aspects. An intelligent man who has very little patience for ******** and idiocy. I'm far from an SAT, so please don't try to test me. Thanks in advance.

Some of you may be wondering what I am even writing about, aren't you? If you figure it out, let me know, will you please? I think I am just spilling my mind out on paper, or in this case, my keyboard. It's better than laying awake in my bedroom staring at the wall, isn't it? I like to think so, personally. I guess I'll end this...thing...here for now. Take care folks.


P.S. - Be proud of who you are and who you choose to be. You have one voice: use it. You have one heart: let it beat. You have one life: live it. At the start of the day, I dare you to be different. I do. Can you?

A Silent SCREAM! I suppose.