Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P)
and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)
by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces
a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,
and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last...

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on something
with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Don't ask for anything you're not willing
to give of yourself.

I am a die hard Wings fan.
She isn't big on hockey....but I think I'll get to her
after a while...lol

10 minutes in I know what kind of person
I am dealing with and react accordingly.
(For me at least)

Thanks, I'm going to Myrtle Beach, SC.
OBX is another option, but Myrtle Beach
seems like a better plan for me.

I'm not really afraid of Meowgi, he just wants free roam of the house, but he and his brother bully the girls, sooo he has to stay up in my room. Now at night I have to put a box or a hamper in front of the door to block his escape.

Yes the L-Bomb has been dropped! Many times
in fact and I hope many more. I have been
contacted by several people suggesting that
we are moving too fast. The thing that most
people do not realize is that me and Tim
have been talking for months. In fact,
according to my nudge list he nudged me
7 months ago! Also, if I can remember
correctly, that first nudge was sent way
after the first email. I appreciate and
understand other's concerns, but I think
Tim and I are perfectly capable of knowing
if we love each other or not.

you should know her.you see her in the bathroom mirror every morning

While it doesn't take a cat to make me doubt my
sanity, I know what you're saying. Mine has even
figured out how to open the screen door on the
patio himself, so now I have to lock it!

I would hump every living thing I could chase down.
Sure would be a lot of apologies to give out if
my "last day" turned out to be a false alarm.....
Whoops! Sorry about that Reverend! Ya see...
I thought I was gonna die and.....

Just let it die! *Stab**Stab**Stab**Stab**Stab**Stab*

It's a given... if it's a cat, it's plotting
against you. Shedding is just part of the
nefarious plan. Other parts include acting
crazy when they see another cat outside the
window, running in front of you as you're
trying to get to the bathroom in the dark,
and running across your face in the middle
of the night while you're sleeping. Just what
the aim of this insidious plot is has yet to
be determined, but taking over the world one
ball of yarn at a time seems like it might be
close to the mark.