Two rednecks decided that they weren't going
anywhere in life and thought they should go to
college to get ahead. The first one went to see a
professor who Told him to take math, history, and
logic.

"What's logic?" asked the first redneck.

The professor answered ,"Let me give you an
example. Do you own a weed eater"?

"I sure do" answered the redneck.

"Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a
yard," replied the professor.

"That's real good" the redneck responded in awe.

The professor continued: "Logic will also tell
me that since you have a yard, you also have a
house."

Impressed, the redneck shouted, "AMAZIN"!!!

"And since you own a house, logic dictates that
you have a wife."

"That's Betty Mae. This is incredible"!!!

The redneck is obviously catching on. "Finally,
since you have a wife, logically I can assume that
you are heterosexual," said the professor.

"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most
fascinatin' thing I ever heard of. I can't wait to take
this here logic class."

The first redneck, proud of the new world
opening up to him walked back into the hallway,
where his friend is still waiting.

"So what classes are ya takin"? The second
redneck asked his friend?

"Math, history, and logic," replies the first
redneck.

"What in tarnation is logic"? asked his friend.

"Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weed
eater"?

"No," his friend replied.

"You're queer, ain't ya"?

With a grin

wish i had a sandwitch

The Blond Cowboy
The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a
blond cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat,
gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like
this?

The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff I was in the bar
down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her
motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top
and asks me to pull off my shirt.. So I did. Then she pulls off her
skirt and asks me to pull off my pants ... So I did.

Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts
.... So I did. Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and
says, "Now go to town cowboy... ". And here I am.

Son of a Gun, Blond Men do exist

You have grouped churches together. That is like saying all men are pigs
or all women are *****es. I agree I have been to some churches that I
felt like they were there to make money but I have also been to churches
where I felt they are doing a service for the community and missions.

Words like that only come from a sincere heart…beautifully written
sweet

Execellente’ Carlos… words of rhyme that tell a story and roll right off
the tongue…very nice

This could have been a good reply for the pirate in the “what’s the
stupidest thing you’ve done” thread. Or is scratching your eyeball with
a hook considered the worst thing you have ever done to your self…either
way, funny…

hehehe

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus
one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's
shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red
lipstick and he had a half empty bottle of wine
sticking out of his pocket.

He opened his newspaper and started
reading---a couple of minutes later he asked
the priest, "Father what causes arthritis"?

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with
cheap wicked women, too much alcohol and contempt
for your fellow man".

"Well I'll be damned", the drunk muttered and
returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he said turned to
the man and apologized.

"I'm sorry son, I didn't mean to come on so strong---
how long have you had arthritis"?

"I don't, father, I was just reading in the paper
that the Pope has arthritis "

WOW!!! Excellent…!!!! This is GOOD STUFF…

SEX!!! You guys are having sex!!!

If you ate a clown would they taste funny?

Hello from mid Georgia...welcome

Hey Hey Hey!!!! We’re not all like that…some of us prefer Gold Medal
flour

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife
listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and
wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men: "For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's
favorite flower?"

Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury
All-Purpose, isn't it?"

The rest of the story is not pleasant.

Thanks guys

a poem I wrote for my first daughter on her first day of school…



To just us two

She was born

Off to school

She went this morn



How will she react

My biggest fear

I watched her go

Through the tears



But dad she said

I'll be all right

I know sweetheart

As she walked out of sight