Could be lots of things.

I would suggest a nonjudgemental sit down, preferably with a counsellor to begin the discussion with exploding.

If it is innocent there will be little to no resistance to seeing messages or posts.

If not, to be aware, some folks offer intimate encounters, some will date, some will chat and who knows from there.

As for visual and mental stimulation? Well it doesn't take a rocket surgeon much time to figure out its not as bare as porn but still enough for a guy to fantasize. There's certainly enough variety. Couple that with the opportunity to do it relatively anonymously and discretely and you have an instant drug for a person in pain.

The problem isn't the behaviour, that's a symptom. The real problem is what's causing him:her to do what they are doing to escape .

You will also need help. Not for jealousy or suspicion--that's normal. You're going to need help to deal with the hurt and the anger and the rejection, the abandonment, oh dear Lord, please help her.

Others have said it--the marriage needs work and outside help.

I just want you to know, I know some of this from experience and I prayed for you and your family, especially your husband before I posted. God bless.

Well said, I think it also needs to be said it can't be done alone or in isolation. Change doesn't occur in a vacuum, acceptance doesn't come entirely by oneself.

Well said, I think it also needs to be said it can't be done alone or in isolation. Change doesn't occur in a vacuum, acceptance doesn't come entirely by oneself.

Ms harmony, I think a great deal of it is probably cultural and geographically specific. I'm in Canada. We didn't have apartheid here like there was in the states and Africa. Here, it seems primarily religious based separatism, or Christians, Muslims, other faiths, non-religious. Added to that there are also some folks who will only seek those with the same skin tone. Having said that, I've seen all kinds of different races together both as couples and married and with children.

I think it has more to do with the culture we were raised in. On a funnier note, how come the straight color by color have mixed color cats and dogs? Now that's just plain weird if you ask me.

I disagree with everyone and only agree in part with dadcat.

First of all we are talking about people not objects or cars.

Age is relevant depending on the lowest end between the two. I'm 44 and sure, what guy doesn't want a 20somerhing? The only problem with that is I do t really want conversations about what she said about her 3rd past ex or her latest app, no offence ladies, if I were a gal it would've been what he said.

It's not believing my own bs that helps me. I've heard it said that the goal isn't so much to have my needs met but for me to meet her needs. The development and growth and nurturing and caring for the other person should come first for the relationship to flourish otherwise each person is viewing it through a lens of selfishness. Where's that going to go?

Finally, I don't know about you, but the last thing I want to see happen is get involved with someone with a viewpoint that doesn't include kids as a possible and probable outcome, even if it means adoption. How do you grow and mature without kids in the equation? Everyone is all, dude you need to grow up. My question? I agree. I'm immature, but how exactly do I do that in a vacuum.

You see, none of these issues really have anything to do with meeting the right person as they do with being the right kind of person. Single, couple, married or with or without kids.

As for me, I'm not there.

That's so awesome! Reminiscent of something out of American Psycho.... I'd go on with the accolades but I need to return some video cassettes.

Pretty sure the change us for our benefit, not so much there's although if that occurs as a result what harm is there in that.

I forget what #, 'God made mankind. Sun made him evil.'

It's more like God made mankind. We love sin so much we view him as evil.

Talking about the three personas of God, Christ always referred to God as Father, ie when praying; you can google exact verses if you need.

As for Christ,

John 1:1-3 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

And to confirm,

Colossians 1:15-20 The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

As for the Holy Spirit,

His persona is a definite. His gender (note I used the pronoun his out of convenience) is a bit of a more in depth discussion you can refer to here:

http://www.gotquestions.org/Holy-Spirit-gender.html

As for absolute genders, Christ was/is male, God and Holy Spirit are spiritual, ie without bodily form.

As for their functions, that's a different thread altogether.

As the other arguments against the bible, God, and Christ go?

I believe God said this and I believe God tells the truth:

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. NIV

Hi Realcarebear,

Hey first of all, I want to commend you on your zeal for obedience to the command and spirit of God. Bless you.

I just went through this with one of my friends pastors because I figured that if I were going to get anything right that this one should be easy right? I mean come on, how hard it is to choose or set aside one day?

Fortunately, he's a lot wiser than myself. His answer: the Old Testament laws were for the Jews. Now don't stop yet though, in Christ the law is made complete. Being in Christ the law for us is fulfilled. As we walk in the spirit of God, the Holy Spirit, we are not under the law but under grace. And finally, remember how not even Moses entered the promised land but only Joshua and Caleb? The Lord promised that none of the Israelites except Joshua son of Nun and Caleb would enter INTO HIS REST! Now if I recall that's taking two verses and joining them. Nevertheless, where you may be at, where I was, was not 'entering' into the rest of the Lord. Shutting down, disconnecting, turning off, and by choice, by will, striving to quieten myself and enter His rest, not my own resting.

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

NIV

Also, remember in Galations where Paul talks about some esteem one day above the rest while others see every day as alike. Again, he's talking about us Gentiles.

Go to Him, that still small voice inside of you and ask Him to show you.

Dear Lord,

I just pray for our brothers and sisters in this forum and around the world. I bring to you the Jewish people, those with their trust in you and those without. I recall all the other people who haven't yet come to be saved as you said that God is patient, that none would perish but a would come to eternal life. Lord please grant those who trust you the assurance of their faith, the agreement of the Holy Spirit with their spirits. Jesus, I pray this in your name, and ask you to agree with me and hope everyone that reads this will as well. Save those who don't yet trust you lord; help us all have faith that your name would be glorified through your son and his name. Amen

Hi Realcarebear,

Hey first of all, I want to commend you on your zeal for obedience to the command and spirit of God. Bless you.

I just went through this with one of my friends pastors because I figured that if I were going to get anything right that this one should be easy right? I mean come on, how hard it is to choose or set aside one day?

Fortunately, he's a lot wiser than myself. His answer: the Old Testament laws were for the Jews. Now don't stop yet though, in Christ the law is made complete. Being in Christ the law for us is fulfilled. As we walk in the spirit of God, the Holy Spirit, we are not under the law but under grace. And finally, remember how not even Moses entered the promised land but only Joshua and Caleb? The Lord promised that none of the Israelites except Joshua son of Nun and Caleb would enter INTO HIS REST! Now if I recall that's taking two verses and joining them. Nevertheless, where you may be at, where I was, was not 'entering' into the rest of the Lord. Shutting down, disconnecting, turning off, and by choice, by will, striving to quieten myself and enter His rest, not my own resting.

Matthew 11:28-30 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

NIV

Also, remember in Galations where Paul talks about some esteem one day above the rest while others see every day as alike. Again, he's talking about us Gentiles.

Go to Him, that still small voice inside of you and ask Him to show you.

Dear Lord,

I just pray for our brothers and sisters in this forum and around the world. I bring to you the Jewish people, those with their trust in you and those without. I recall all the other people who haven't yet come to be saved as you said that God is patient, that none would perish but a would come to eternal life. Lord please grant those who trust you the assurance of their faith, the agreement of the Holy Spirit with their spirits. Jesus, I pray this in your name, and ask you to agree with me and hope everyone that reads this will as well. Save those who don't yet trust you lord; help us all have faith that your name would be glorified through your son and his name. Amen

Jesusmyall has said it well. I've heard it said,(sorry it may have been John MacArthur), that one the commitment to marry has been made, yes the hormones and urges to come together will be stronger than ever. He states that at that point the ceremony should not be delayed because the commitment to permanence has been made.

John Piper again was the pastor who noted that permanence is the single most defining characteristic between marriage and all other relationships (I guess he figured sex was an excluded defining characteristic because it's only to happen in marriage anyway).

As you said, God's word is God's word.

God created marriage with Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden. In the New Testament he writes that 'all of God's gifts are for those who know and believe the truth', as expounded by John Piper, he explains that marriage therefore is for believers only.

Not trying to start a fight, just clarify.

You are right that they have been getting divorced. The scriptures teach that if a man lay with a woman he ought to marry her. As I understand it, that was
Primarily a provisional and protective role. Malachi states that a divorcee is exposed to violence. Christ stated that whim God has joined together let no man put asunder. Furthermore, Paul wrote that 'Do you not know that one who joins himself to a prostitute becomes one flesh with her?"

The point is that people who have had sex with others are joined with them on a spiritual level also, hence why marriage is only dissolved by death. Remember the woman at the well with five husbands yet the man she was currently with was not her husband?