The best place to pick up a milf is right outside my door...
Just call me one at a time Jim...

The guy would have to find a smart woman first...

All you have to do is slip into a pair of six inch spiked heels, wear a very short skirt and show an obscene amount of cleavage.
Then give some guy an accidental brush with your hand across his pant front on purpose. Then say you're sorry and ask if you can kiss it and make it all better.
The rest will be history.
Guys won't know your ready to flog that log unless you move things along.

You aint gonna find it by looking from afar. You've got to get that girl while she's browsing that shoe store and let her know you've got a credit card that actually works. Then get ready to get bonked on the way to the next shoe store.
Works every time.

Duh, if she doesn't want you it means she's into someone else. You be smart and be into someone else too, like her best friend. I repeat, start dating her sister or her best friend and she will get pissed and go after you. And she won't stop humping you or take no for an answer until you take her back.
A word to the wise...learned from experience

Women cheat because they are good at measuring bulges with their eyes. They know what they're missing.
"Whoa, down girls, down! Wait your turn! Enough to go around for everyone, and seconds even...

If she gets over possessive its probably because she caught you glimpsing over the fence and she knows it's a lot greener over there.
Just take a deep whiff, fella. All that doggy do you're standing on doesn't exist if you'll simply do a little climbing once in a while.
You're welcome!

Hmph! Imagine my surprise and livid indignation at some writer supposing that women should be paid to tie the knot. Why does a woman, who is tightening a permanent noose around my neck deserve to be paid for choking her guy?
And just what, praytell, are her special talents which necessitate being handed wads of extra cash?
1. Women are good at forcing guys to pick up their own socks. (I kid you not, even the ones that don't smell)
2. Women don't think we men can multi-task even though we are fully adept at watching star trek and listening to them whine at the same time.
3. Women are going to do the dishes at seven in the evening anyways and yet they scream when my mug goes in the sink at six thirty. Just where did you want me to put it? (don't answer that)
4. They expect us to cut the lawn when there is a playoff game on TV. (For all you newbie husbands out there, I kid you not)
5. We are made to lie and say their dresses still fit perfect even though the ten pounds of extra fat is clearly visible. (say it isn't so!!)
6. They want us to keep our eyes riveted on their eyes when we're out even though the strange woman next to us clearly has way too much cleavage to be ignored.
7. They ask us to climb three hundred feet on a rickety ladder along the side of the house but refuse to hold it steady for us because they might break a nail. (I'll let you know when my broken neck heals)
8. They toss all my clothes into a single drawer then spread all their clothes out nicely in the walk in closet.
9. They take us to a restaurant for our birthday but don't allow us to order red meat. Instead they want us to dine on asparagus tips and shrimp salad with tofu strips. (which we carry home in a barf bag)
10. They limit our sex romps to once per month and only then if they can nap while we practise our missionary routine. (why did I throw out that inflatable doll from my college days???!!!)
If anybody deserves to be paid to be married, its us men.

So I'm on this really nifty date, and this beautiful red head with the gigantic gravity defying knockers seems to be really into me, which is strange, because most dates I'm on the women are only mildly interested, and even then it's only because we're at a shoe store and I pull out my wallet.
Anyways, I'm sipping on some wine and pulling the leftover lobster out of my gold tooth with a toothpick when she stuns me by asking if I would like to come over to her place and check out her antique knick knacks. Well, seeing as how I have an infatuation with all things knickknackish, I readily agree, hiding my growing bulge by not turning sideways. (no sense blocking the aisle)
Any ways, to make a short story long, (didn't I just do that?) I take her home and she is as frisky as a cat knee deep in catnip and so I reciprocate, playing kissy face and following her dangerous cat curves with doggy paws which clearly prove she has the world's greatest body, bar none.
Well off comes the top and my tongue is dangling along the hardwood floor and so I assume her bottom is fair game for unveiling also. I make a play for it but she unexpectedly taps my hand and whispers that she may have a little extra down there if I know what she means. I tell her I don't know what she means and she says that her "bat is uncut."
I remain clueless as to what 'an uncut bat' is until it suddenly dawns on me why she was so eager to showcase her wares. 'She' is actually a 'he,' with super model looks.
She asks me if I would like her to 'top,' and I cringe, not knowing the lingo. A part of me wonders if I am in for a 'stretching' good time if I stick around and so I politely bolt, asking her for a rain check.
I kind of hit a dry spell lately where getting 'suitable dates' are concerned and so my next question is how long do you think a rain check should be good for???!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, many escorts date on the side and they are smoking hot when they do.
Nothing like leftovers warmed over to keep the engine purring.

Hey, no fair. You ladies derided him for being bare chested but headless. Don't see you females being so brave. Whatcha all got to hide by hiding under a blouse. A pair of flatties perhaps?

Sex before marriage? It works for me. It could work for the ladies I was with as well, except they tend to keep things like that close to their chests...or I meant breasts or I meant vests...

It simply means he thinks you're super and he'd like to bonk you or keep bonking you, except that he's already married. Sheesh, whaddaya need, a road map?

Love: she's very,very,very good at kissing.
Hate: Kissing is as far as she'll go

They only cost $60 a half hour and some of them are drop dead gorgeous with assets on their assets. You don't have to spend $20 bucks at the coffee shop then a follow up $100 at the restaurant then beg and whine and spends weeks complimenting every pair of shoes in their closet.
Take it from me, phone up a smoking hot babe and you can come right over and have the time of your life.
You don't need to spend sixteen days on a dating site going through eighteen women bored out of their gourds at all the mens phoney come ons until you get one that will invite you over for tea and crumpets.
An escort is the way to go. You can use her place so no motel fees, and she will be younger, sexier, prettier, hotter and much more fun, and she won't even tell the wife that you have hiding in your closet.

You don't have an attitude gal, it's all in your boyfriend's head. That's what happens when you don't surrender your bra and panties the second he walks into the room. Just tell the creep to toss himself off the tallest building he can find. What a louse!!!!!

Why do women feel the need to interrogate men as if they're all liars and cheats. I'm only half way through my pasta and she's like "hey dude, I don't mean to spoil your appetite, but let me see your wallet. I want to check out what your real name is on your driver's licence."
Or like the time I'm slipping my arm around her and she's like "why is there an indentation around your married ring finger as if you just took off a ring before this date."
Or like the time I said in an email that I'd like to go out with her and she's like "okay, but I need your work and home addresses and your work and home phone numbers.
Next thing you know they'll be checking my prints, DNA and bank accounts. Some of you ladies have been watching too many CSI shows

Only if the women look nicer than last week's leftover fish in the fridge. (After the fridge got accidentally unplugged, that is)

The problem is that you think a girl is manipulative just because she doesn't spread her legs as easily as you like?