so here's the thing:
my life is like nothing ever experienced by another soul.
no, it's not a roller coaster,
or a highway.
it's not an ongoing tragedy, and it's not like being stranded on a
desert island.
much of it is like a clash of ongoing everything.
like eating a banana split on the hood of a speeding truck,
hearing someone say 'i love you' in one ear and having the other chewed
off by a bear.
and the whole time you're questioning everything, wondering if it's
make-believe or a dream or someone else's nightmare.
you're trapped in between good and bad,
creativity and intelligence,
reality and dreams,
genius and insanity.
and all you want is just a little bit of control.
a little bit to keep to yourself,
a tiny piece of your life not reduced to fate's plaything.
but is it possible to control anything?
even your own thoughts are under no structure, because once you've
thought it, it's done, it's gone
you can't take it back.
so what control do we really have?
none.
whatsoever.
nothing is really ours.

actually,
i've gotten a ticket for jaywalking.

a lot of them aren't true,
but very funny to think about.

what's worse is the fact that everyone isn't even upset.
they're all just like 'oh no! a murderer? scary.'
nothing like 'that poor woman.'
oh well.
i guess it's what you get living in middle-high class southern
california.

i'm going to go re-read 'flowers for algernon.'
'night.

an amazing woman,
mrs. lawana clary was bludgeoned to death in her home.
she was a special education teacher at valencia high school,
and i am dedicating the rest of my education to her memory.
we shared a passion,
we shared a dream.
i plan to study mental disabilities in children,
psychology.
now,
i know i have to do it.
not just for myself,
but for the memory of this deticated,
hardworking woman.
rest in peace lawana clary.

http://cbs2.com/topstories/local_story_096084842.html

these gluten/casein diet studies,
however,
are not reliable.
they are beginning to conduct dependable, double-blind control
experiments in order to prove or disprove this theory.
gluten is found in wheat products,
while casein is found in milk.
both these chemicals affect the part of the brain that controls
communication as well as social skills.

i didn't really need to add all that technical stuff,
it just made me feel smart.
long story short:
tell the doctor to check for 'leaky gut.'

your child is very, very young.
too young to decide.
however,
there have been links between gastrointestinal abnormalities and autism.
the lining of the intestine has 'holes,'
which allow secretions of the liver, etc. to flow back into the body.
they can cause discomfort in the child,
so watch for stomachaches.
also,
there is a new study saying that, when removing gluten and casein from
the diet,
symptoms can improve in various degrees.

it really was.

it was crazy.
these kids were coming from shacks made of scrap wood nailed together.

that has to do with mexican slums how??

and i don't think i'll ever be the same.

self portrait.
go to this url:
http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/9749/uhhuhdg5.jpg

ah thank you.
usually i'm the modest type,
but you can just tell he grew up drinking out of a star wars glass.

also an attention whore and a conspiracy geek.

not all girls are like that.
she's just the jealous type.

you have NO clue how hard i was laughing.
my cat,
at this very moment,
is dumping socks out of the cupboard next to me.
a LOT of socks.

haha i sat there for a full three minutes trying to figure out what the
censored word was.

really, if you know how to take care of yourself,
it's fine.
if it seems that you have a lot of friends,
and that you aren't naive,
they usually leave you alone.
we can't stop people by force,
just educate kids to keep themselves safe.
also, don't let your eight year old get a myspace.
there's an age limit for a reason.

it's a full-fledged memoir.
and all i can get are websites about publishing short stories and
poetry.