Hi, Im Edwin and I want to share about my feelings that I can’t control and it might become an unhealthy lifestyle of me.

Arthur, my ex, and I were in a relationship for over four years, during which we maintained a long-distance dynamic. He resided and worked in Kota Kinabalu, while I lived and worked in Semporna, with Kunak being my place of residence. Initially, everything seemed fine; both our families were well aware of our relationship and couldn't have been happier.

On September 3rd, 2023, I visited him in KK, spending time with him and his family as any couple would. To condense the events, on September 5th, a Sunday, while having breakfast and heading back home around 11 a.m., I noticed a WhatsApp message marked 'archive' from his previous ex. The message read, "Acun (a cute nickname) sudah momom. Joey jgn lupa momom." I was utterly furious and distraught, but as I was still in the car with him driving, I endeavored to calm myself down.

I scrolled through their conversation back to the previous Thursday, where he had mentioned wanting to sleep early at 8 p.m. due to a severe headache. However, upon reading the conversation for that particular date, at 10 p.m., the guy had texted him to meet up, saying, "Joey sedih, jom kita jumpa, hanya kita berdua saja," to which he replied, "Acun ambil di tempat biasa?" I couldn't bear it any longer, and upon arriving at his place, I confronted him about the matter. He bowed his head and uttered a solitary, "I'm sorry," without further explanation, fully aware of the betrayal. Tears streaming down my face, I packed my belongings, headed to the airport, and that was the last time I saw him.

The following day, a Monday, I refrained from blocking him or taking any drastic measures, yet I received no texts of apology or a single phone call across any social media platform. In that moment, it became painfully clear to me that he had found happiness with someone else, someone I could never compete with. I couldn't fathom what I had done wrong to deserve such betrayal. Despite my frequent travels throughout the year just to be with him, he had only made the effort to visit me two or three times, a fact that had never bothered me until now. I went as far as putting his name on my insurance policy and applying for four positions at the same company I worked for in Kota Kinabalu, all in the hopes of building a life together.

I had sacrificed so much, poured my heart and soul into our relationship, only to be deceived in the end. In the weeks that followed, tears became my constant companion as I grappled with the overwhelming loneliness and incessant thoughts of him. Yet, as Valentine's Day approached, the pain intensified, each tear falling like acid rain upon the shattered petals of my heart. My love for him remains unwavering, genuine, and all-consuming, but it's a love that now serves only to deepen the chasm within me.

Even now, I find myself unable to move forward, unable to entertain the thought of opening a dating app or seeking solace in the arms of another, for it feels as though I would be betraying the very essence of who I am. I yearn for him to understand the devastation he has wrought upon me, to comprehend the extent to which he has shattered not just my heart, but my very sense of self. And so, I remain a broken soldier, a casualty of love's cruel battlefield.

Here's a revised version:

What am I supposed to do now? I genuinely need support, and I implore you not to be a stranger.

I stopped reading when I noticed you wrote everything perfectly in English EXCEPT FOR THE IMPORTANT PART, that of what's the translation for what those messages said. Why would you write everything in perfect English then leave that part out?????

Anyway, Hope you get help you are looking for.

All the things that you did for your ex, don't take them against him. Did he force you to put his name on your policy or you applying to four poaitions at your company? You said you did them in the hopes of building a life together...

Doing so, I am assuming at one point made you happy? We don't hold the future in the palms of our hands. You may have planned a future for both of you but the universe might have something else written for you.

Don't hold grudges instead be happy with the memories you have shared together however long or short-lived it may have been, It was at one point, the best thing that ever happened to you. If he is happy, be happy for him.

Moving on and letting go does not happen overnight, it takes time... so give yourself a time to mourn the love you have lost and prepare yourself for something that might come your way.

Good luck and all the best to you!