Getting ready for a party once, I handed a bag of balloons to my 8 year old niece to start blowing up.

She told my mother, "There are sooo many balloons to blow up grandma!"

My mother asked her, "Oh, yeah? Just how many balloons do you have there?"

She answered, "ALL of them!"

me and my daughter were sitting on the couch bs ing to eachother.My son runs in and starts acting funny,my daughter looks at me and says seriously with a british accent" Mom? can we take back to the forest? and I said without missing a beat" No, we can't, he won't fit back into the stump where I found him

My son just graduated from Army basic training. After his graduation we were walking around looking at all the artillery they used back in the day. My oldest son looked at his brother and asked what this piece of equipment was and his brother answered, "Hell if I know". Without skipping a beat my grandson turned to his dad and said, in all the seriousness of a five year old,"what's a hellifiknow".

I had my inlaws over for thanksgiving last year, mother, sister and brother. When they arrived, my brother in law was helping mom up the steps and into the trailer cause her knee was bothering her, and my youngest son asked her why her husband was having to help her walk...

I remember being told abot a tim wehn in traffic, a cop on a bike was starting to pull ahead of us with his flashers on, swerved to avoid something, and my brother (four or five?) yelled out the window clear as day: "if you cant drive that FU&*(ing thing then PARK IT!"

roflmao, it is said that kids will lead the way!!!!!

One of my twin sons farted and said
Sorry Dad My stomach hates me today

When my daughter was 5 & son 7, we went from the Baptist church to the Methodist. It was our first Sunday and they were having communion. Children are not allowed to do that in the Baptist church unless they have been "saved". Anyway, my children participated, communion consisting of grape juice and wafers. When we got in the car to go home, I asked them how they liked this new church.

My son said, "Their music sounds like funeral music." My daughter looked at him and said, "Well, at least they give you something to eat".

When my daughter was about 3, she always loved the special treat I would give her by taking her to McDonald's (she always had to have her chicken nuggets, y'know). Well, one day I was in more of a hurry than usual, and we didn't have the time to go inside to eat, so she could play in the playroom and what-not, so I just went through the drive-up. The young fellow on the speaker must have been having a bad day or something, as he was rather snippy and quite rude. I pulled up to the window, he snatched the money out of my hand, and slammed the window shut. A few seconds later, he whipped the window open again, slapped my change down (a few coins even fell onto the pavement), basically shoved my food order at me, and slammed the window shut again. My daughter, who had been silent this whole time, looked at me with a straight face and said, "Boy, what an asshole."

What could I do!? I couldn't yell at her, because she was right! It was all I could do to keep from bursting out laughing!

Ok so at the time my 14 year old gets in the car after school....She says, "Mom your not going to believe this, but Jenn had oral sex." Now the old me would of flown off the handle....but I was trying....so took a deep breath and said, "Oh really honey, and what is that. She replied, "Oh cmon mom, you know when kids talk about sex on the phone."




I laughed my head off.....and then explained what it really meant.....

I was on the phone with my son one day when he was about 3 yrs. old. He said, "Daddy, I got a pet goldfish." I said, "Oh, really, what did you name it?" He said, "Fluffy".


To this day, I can't remember that without cracking up big time........

oh that is to funny........



ok another one.....my godson was about 4 when this happen. We were playing one day and he said lets play mommy and daddy...I said ok.....He said I was daddy and to go to the door like I was coming home from work...I went along and said ok....So went to the door opened it....and said Hi honey I am home...I kid you not this lil 4 year old with his hand on his hip looked right at me and said, "Not now dear I have a headache." out of the mouths of babes.....myself and his grandmother didn't stop laughing for an hour....

Well this isn't really something my son said, but it is hilarious (I can laugh at it now, lol). Well when my son was in 2nd grade, he brought home a paper he had done at school. The teacher had them draw a picture of each family member and what they enjoy doing. He drew a picture of his father working on cars. He drew a picture of his sister playing soccer. He drew a picture of me SLEEPING!


I am notorious for my nap taking abilities!!!

Another chapter.....

My youngest son was born stubborn and independent. By 1 1/2 yrs he insisted on dressing himself, and would sometimes put on winter clothes in summer & visa versa. I usually let him make his own choices because, he would soon figure out that he wasn't comfortable in his choice & change into something more appropriate (it was easier than fighting with him!). Okay....when he was about 3-4 yrs, he went through a phase when he refused to where any underwear, and I decided not to fight him. Remember that he also was picking his own clothes, though......stage set.

One day I'm talking to another parent whose daughter was in my guy's preschool class & she asks me if he had told me what happened in class that day. I said 'no, but I expect that your daughter told you, what happened?' In response, the mom says, 'does he dress himself?' to which I responded 'yes, why?' Turns out that my darling had picked a pair of sweats with a tear in the crotch & with no underwear, well....you can imagine how things looked while sitting Indian style in the group.

I questioned my son about what had happened, and he admitted that he had basically exposed himself to the whole class. So, I seized the moment and asked, 'now do you think there might be a good reason to wear underwear?' His response: Okay, mom, next time I wear a pair of pants with a hole there, I'll wear underwear.'

I cannot make this stuff up

my mother and i were in solvang, ca with my daughter who was about 12 at the time.

we were at a restaurant and it seems...well my memory escapes me a little..... that we were ordering something to eat.
my mother and i placed our order, then came my smartasp daughter's turn.

the waitress said, and miss what will u have? and my daughter said, "some PREPARATION H please".

it caught us all by surprise, and after i hit my daughter on the head with a wop, we all died laughing, including the waitress.