Scenario...
Younger man with older woman. Or older man with younger woman. 23 year difference.

They want to be in a relationship with you and insist they do not want children because the older person can not or does not want to have more children.

Do you take them at their word or do you think they will change their mind eventually?

if i was the older of the two, i would never agree to kids either way... ... take it or leave .... no debate ...

Thanks. But what if they agree with you? Do you think they really believe it at the present moment, that children are not that important to them, but eventually they will want children?

Asking for a friend....

I personally think the younger man will change his mind as circumstances and outlooks change through time

well , just tell your friend (lol) it basically takes two to tango.... and eventually , any future decision won't work , if one partner has a mind which was made up a long time ago huh !!!

I think that is wisdom. Thank you DI x

It reminds me of my daughter actually who was very adamant in her youth that she did NOT want children ever! Move forward 8 yrs and she had changed her mind. She was married for over 5 yrs before having her first so she’s proof that outlooks do change over time

The mind wonders and wanders. They are great friends and have much in common. The other person whispers Spanish when they are passionate. I guess they should find a boring same aged person lol to die with?

My uncle and his wife did not want children either. They changed their mind late 30's. Now they have many. I really think something kicks in to procreate at some stage of life

That isn't going to happen in my life. My oldest son is 25 years younger than me. It would be like me banging one of my son's friends.
Personally, an impossible scenario.

However, as a thought experiment...


This assumption is highly inaccurate. There are many, many reasons why someone doesn't want children.
For instance my own reason, I love children but I am in poor health. I'm not going to get better. I most likely will die within a decade. Not only can I no longer physically care for a child, its highly likely that child will be without a father when they need one the most.

That's my reasoning. Other people have their own reasons.

Just a note, I get nothing but 20-40 year old women contacting my profile.
Granted, 95% of them are scammers but in real life, young women are attracted to me. I'm attracted to women near my own age. My gf is 12 years younder than me but she doesn't want kids either. I had 4 and she had 3 so we already reproduced. We enjoy our grandkids now.

People change as they age. Some people aquire a sense of commitment which causes them to eventually want children. Some people gain a sense of security which allows them to have children. Some people change jobs which allows them opportunity to raise a family. There's a unique reason for each person.

Some people who want and have children shouldn't.
Some people are not good parents but love their children deeply.
Some people want children, have them and despise them.
Life is messy.
There's no right answer but there are billions of real answers.

When I was a kid, the idea of having children scared the crap out of me.
As I gained wisdom and confidence, fell in love and saw my friends having families, I decided I wanted to have a family too. At times I felt the responsibility was too much to bear but I love my family and I found a way.
My children were and still are very important to me. When I was 22, I couldn't feel that way because I'd never experienced that kind of love.

Immortality is a powerful urge ha ha !!!

i'm near 60 - and i knew when i was 10 that i didn't want kids....
i always tell the person i'm dating at the time about that and get their reaction -- some understand but most say they want to have children eventually.
i only met one girl in my life that agreed with me and i married her.

Thank you Tom. There is no right answer. Life is messy.

I get that. Thank you for responding.

yes you're welcome....
one footnote - i did keep my personal vow and never had kids.
after i seen how things were changing and discipline was being removed from the home by society ....i'm so glad i kept that vow.
kids today rule the home and the world...

I was a widow and raised my strong willed child alone. I honestly thought she would end up in prison because of her rebelliousness to everything. But she has turned out amazing. Yes it was hell, but in the long run....perfect love.

Glad to hear that worked out for you....
i think it's definitely more of a struggle now to accomplish that.

As I said, Some people shouldn't be parents.

I think this goes for a younger woman just the same. At some point almost all people -man and woman- want to reproduce.

Society has always run the home. Society dictated what was okay and what wasn't, and not so long ago not much was considered okay. Except for going to church, marrying, producing off-spring, not thinking for yourself, but following the beaten track only.
People had little say in matters because society's rules were so strict and confining that when you went against the grain of society you became an outcast. As was your entire family, by which I mean partner & children.

That's why now it's difficult for some because we're now finding and developing a new way. No one gave us a new rule-book and way of doing things. We have to fumble around in the dark to invent it ourselves. And any change comes with chaos. It'll sort itself out.
But at least now, as a parent, you don't have to stick within the suffocating perimeters of society any longer.