Do you think it is possible to fall out of love with a person that you think is not a good fit for your life, or would you go crazy trying, wondering about the 'what ifs and never be at peace again?
Is love a choice or not?


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Yes and no. I don't believe love, itself, is a choice. You either love someone or you don't. Whether you act on it or not, is where the choice part comes in.

It would be so much easier if love were a choice. Then two people could choose to fall in love regardless of whether they had chemistry or not. Just doesn't happen that way.

And yes, I believe it's possible to fall out of love with someone you don't think is a good fit, but it might take time depending on how well you accept that he/she isn't right for you. I've drove myself crazy in the past, but eventually I found peace with it and that person will always have a special spot in my heart, but I am no longer in love with him. It just sort of faded away, but took some inner work before that happened.

As far as romantic love ... We do not always have a choice over when we feel love or when we fall in love , but we have a choice in deciding to show love , how we express love and whether to accept or reject love .

Well, my ex once said "Love isn't always enough."
I wholeheartedly disagreed with him at the time, but later on found out the hard way he was right.
And yes, you can fall in love with someone who's not right for you, not a great fit for your life. But then that can sure as heck become the reason you fall out of love as well.
How long it takes to get to that point will vary, depending on various circumstances.

I think it’s always a choice, but, sometimes (maybe, often) an unconscious one.
You can only love (relationship love) if you allow it to happen.

Love is a feeling you feel inside.
Anger is a feeling you feel inside.
For any question concerning love, substitute anger or another feeling and see if the question still fits.

Do you think it is possible to fall out of anger with a person that you think is not a good fit for your life, or would you go crazy trying, wondering about the 'what ifs and never be at peace again?
Is anger a choice or not?

Do you think it is possible to fall out of joy with a person that you think is not a good fit for your life, or would you go crazy trying, wondering about the 'what ifs and never be at peace again?
Is joy a choice or not?

Do you think it is possible to fall out of sadness with a person that you think is not a good fit for your life, or would you go crazy trying, wondering about the 'what ifs and never be at peace again?
Is sadness a choice or not?

When you feel inner peace/contentment you will realize love, like any feeling, rises and falls naturally. Its a choice to hang onto your feelings past their normal cycle. When we do this, it causes stress and breaks contentment.

you go crazy trying, wondering about the 'what ifs and never be at peace again?

This happens when you believe the love you felt was extraordinary in some way and are afraid it might not happen again.
Thing is, ya placed higher value on that specific feeling and the past situation in which you felt it.

The trick is to live in the moment and allow your feelings to rise and fall naturally.
Its impossible to actually relive the past.
Its impossible to actually live in the future.
However, living in the present is what you do all the time.
What matters is how you feel right now.
Embrace the here and now.
Learn from the past and make the changes needed in the present to create a better future.

Absolutely!

The more, my ex wife treated me badly, the less feelings I had for her. I think, this was quite natural.

It's definetely possible to fall out of love as an act of will... I thought we all had done it a few times in our lives... either because it's a one-way love and so you give up, or because for whatever reason you see it as a toxic relationship and decide to put a fullstop to it. It may take some time, and normally you need to avoid the other person for a while, but then, after some time, you can even meet him / her face to face and just wonder what the hell you found in that subject in the first place...

I think also the opposite is possible, fall in love with someone as an act of will. More trickie probably. But I read somewhere that women do it very often... for instance when they meet a rich guy. They wouldn't marry him for the money, no way, they first convince themselves to fall in love with him!
(not coming from me, I read it somewhere and if I remember correctly it was coming from a woman, half-ironically)

Hey there notlooking. Can't recall when I heard this; just my 2cents worth.

" if you are one who loves 'too' hard, it might be better to stay single"

Human beings can't help to "fall out of love."
Romantic love is a biological process related to procreation.
When successful, it only "lasts" about 7 years. Or long enough to get your offspring big enough to run away from lions and basic social survival skills, like being able to ask for food, endear themselves to the protectors, and hold a knife.

After puberty a main motivation and underlying driver of your personality and choices is mating, whether you realize it or not.
"Love" doesn't turn that off.
It simply focuses the motivation towards your chosen partner.
If you and your partner aren't at least attempting to procreate regularly, you are pushed to keep going forth and finding someone with whom to multiply.

There is a reason "why" people stop feeling attraction to their partner, stop feeling desire. Why there's a "7 year itch." Why marriages become "sexless."

Your body inherently knows that cutting off sex will ultimately motivate you to go forth and "find your happiness."

Related to this is your personality is an extension of your brain and body.
Your brain, organs, and body are not a space suit meant to protect your personality.

Other than that, there are a lot of social bonds that people simply lump into the "love" category or box because it's easier and has positive connotations.

So:

Not really. But it's a bad question.
Your behavior is a choice, but only to a point. That point is significant, though. To your personality.
That behavior can effect the development or continuation of "love."
There are so many different variables that are being interpreted and computed by your brain, your personality can only handle so much information and "choices."

Kind of like asking "is breathing a choice?" and people argue "Yes! I can hold my breath! Or choose not to breathe! Sure there's consequences for choosing not to breathe, but that's still a choice!" and others will argue "No! what about when you're asleep! Your body takes over!"
Meanwhile they're not considering or even understanding the idea of why they breathe, why the blood needs or how it uses oxygen, what it means to the body and brain, the purpose of oxygen in the body.

Yes it would be possible!

Love is a choice.

Noted. But I think my previous spouses loved me more than I loved them.

Yeah love is all about choice my lady you looking good beautiful i will love to know you

Notlooking.

hi every one
im varun looking for a girl to marry

Hi Varun.
Go to the 'New Members' thread and introduce yourself

according to me Love is very beautiful and dreamful . when we fall in love we happy from inside the body and every work do very good proper way and good decision make so love is very sweetfull

When I begin to date someone I like them, I don't love them, getting to know them over time (12 months at least, if it lasts that long) is how you discover how compatible you both are, and maybe you begin to fall in love. I don't believe I could fall in love with someone if we weren't compatible, because there would always be some conflict upsetting things so it just would not happen in the first place. A harmonious relationship is very important in my opinion.

iam new here I can I find true here?