Sorry, I have a bad way of putting things. You all give back, no clique. I think what I was saying was that we all support Marie, thats all and that we want to. She deserves a break too. Just like all of us. There is no clique. Sorry if anyone took that the worng way. It's just that I wanted Marie to know we are all here for her. I have foot in mouth diease lately.....I'm cycling and that is no excuse. I know when Im manic and when Im depressed. I should be more careful how I word things.......

Karen - thanks for the kind thoughts. I am just pooped, been dealing with a lot of pain lately. Decided to try out a chiropracter for my neck and back and headaches - what a mistake, put me in more pain than I had been in, in forever. For over the last 8 or 9 days have been waking up with an excruciating headache and neck and spine hurting, finally bought a heating pad and trying to use that to thaw things out, and seems to be helping. Yesterday and today didn't have the headache when I woke up. Don't like to take pain meds unless I have to, don't want to build up a tolerance, so use them sparingly, but slowly feel like things are mellowing out. Could kick myself for screwing around with my back and neck, I have arthritis and boy, won't do that again. The pain made my depression worse, and have been busy at work and extra tired from not sleeping well from the pain. So just laying low and trying to feel better. Thanks for caring, you guys are great. I hope you feel better soon. Wish they had something to stop your rapid cycling, that has to be really hard to deal with.

Jax - thank you for your good wishes. As above, I am feeling better. As I stop hurting so much, I am not waking up as much at night because of the pain and slowly getting more sleep and hope to feel better each day.

You know that commercial where someone slaps someone on the forehead in the V8 commercial?? If I EVER, EVER consider chiropractic again, everyone of you in here do that to me, whack me in the forehead, at the same time even, to get my attention, so I don't do that to myself again, okay????

Roy - my friend, I think it is time for you to take a break from work. You sound tired and I understand very well how you feel. Can you get a few days and get away?? Do something fun for you?? Something where you don't have people draining from you?? Expecting you to take care of them, have someone take care of you for a change. Can you go visit the grandbabies?? Burnout sucks and a short break would be healthy for you. Take care and think about taking care of you. You deserve it.

Debbie - I worry about the drugs you are on. They are very heavy duty drugs and your body does build up tolerance. Have you ever taken a drug holiday and gone completely off them?? You would have to do it under medical supervision as some of these are addictive. A lot of the drugs you are on cause depression and I suspect that is why you are feeling more depressed, they put you on heavy duty drugs that cause you to feel more depressed. It is a no-win situation. You should think about going into the hospital and have them wean you off all of them and get totally clean, give your body a complete rest, detox from the drugs and find out what your body feels like totally free and clean. You may not need all of them. Some of the drugs are likely to treat side effects of some of the drugs you are on, so it is a vicious cycle. I really would think about detoxing off them under medical supervision and starting with a clean slate and only going on what you absolutely need. Some of the drugs can cause insomnia, depression, irritability, suicidal thoughts, etc. It really is scary that you are on so many heavy duty ones. I wonder if you got off the painkillers if your pain would lessen or even go away. There is something called rebound pain where your body becomes addicted to analgesic medications, even Tylenol or aspirin and if you don't take it, your body causes you to have pain so you will take it, it is called "rebound pain" - rebound in that when you stop the pain med, the pain rebounds. People have to stop taking the med for awhile and then the pain stops as their body adjusts to not getting it anymore. I know of people who have been through this, rebound headaches, backaches, etc., even with just Tylenol, some on prescription narcotics. Just my thoughts.

Jeff - good luck in what you do. I have never heard of a person being on disability for overweight, heck if that was the case, over half the US would be on it, including me. (Okay, maybe if they are in the 600 to 700 or more pound range and are unable to walk.) You have to want it bad enough that you make up your mind to take that first step and get out there and do it. We all have to face our fears and demons but we have all taken that first step or second and third try. No one can do it for you.

Thanks you guys for your support, I do appreciate it. You people are the best.

And now, chocolate, someone said chocolate, where????

You're right, Marie. I am going to ask for a vacation. Last night the new nurse that is taking the place of my friend who is on maternity leave because of the twins just punching and kicking her too much was on duty. I told her about the resident who in the third night in row asking me to stay out of her room and not to touch her. At first the nurse said she would go in there with me and then said she would change the resident herself. She didn't have a problem with her. It is definately me. I have changed that resident thousands of times but for some unknown reason she just changed from accepting me to not accepting me. Then the nurse told me if I needed help just ask her. Gee, that was easy. I found out that the nurse has a bad back and just like me she is winging it. I really found out she was winging it when I went on break and she said I was thinking of going after you. Just as soon as you left they just all went crazy. She had been chasing alarms and call lights. I gave her my cell phone number just in case when I took a break it happened again. She said she didn't know I had a cell phone. It is funny how it happens; One moment everything is calm and the next moment it is utter pandemonium.

very often ill stop takikng everything, and then i relapse, and end up taking overdoses,and when i overdose its bad, i ended up in intensive care, and my heart stopped, i was ventalated and put to sleep for over 4 days, they told my parents i had a 50/50 chance of living. i also used to cut, and ive had plastic surgery on 8 of the cuts because i went down to the bone, so when i overdose and cut i do it properly. some of the meds i dont take, the pain meds i should take all the time but i dont, i rarly take the seroquel, but if i stop the escitalopram i do get bad, i also need the sleep meds to, if i dont sleep i get very agitiated and then need valium to calm me down. And just to say i NEVER suffered with depression or any mental health problems until i was brutally raped years ago. Its always lived with me.

very depressed here

im sorry sweetie.

i am as well today, my pain as been terrible. ive had big doses of demerol and df118 and im still in pain.

I used to think that the only reason one would say that they are sorry is because they had felt that they were wrong. I am finding that one doesn't even have to think they are wrong to say that they are sorry. The nurse's aide handbook states that a aide should look at things from the resident's point of view. That works for sane people but when working with the demented sometimes it is impossible to see things from the resident's point of view because if one does it might make one demented or drive one crazy. I am finding that little things can be important liking words taught in kindergarten of saying thank you or your welcome. Some of the residents I deal with have regressed to a child like state. They are like adult children. It baffles the mind to even try to figure some of it out. All we can do is simply document the condition and pass it on to the next shift or the nurse. I am glad that I am just an aide sometimes and that I am not paid to try to figure it out.

Debbie, I was very proud of my male friend. He brought his husband to our NA meeting for the very first time. I thought it was very supportive of his husband to take him to the meeting since Danielle is having trouble with the law dogs as he calls them. Some of the medicine that his doctor has prescribe for him to take are non-addictive but still they are on a list that are legally taboo for my male friend to drive legally. It is a traumatic thing for my male friend because he has to make the meetings for his own recovery. I was telling his husband that I thought it was supportive of him especially since the husband is an alcoholic. I could tell by the way my male friend was smiling that he really enjoyed his husband being there for him. I could tell that he felt a lot more comfortable sharing his meetings with his husband.

whats a NA meeting??

you do a brilliant job roy, i admire you.

i worked in a home for a while, and i have to lift the residents alone (where here in the uk, legally it should be 2 people), and with the abdo and back pain i get with my endometriosis it was making my pain worse lifting the residents. it takes a very special person, to do the job you do, i admire you for that. if it wasnt for my pain, i would have continued with that job. Also the other staff didnt treat the reisdents with respect or digninity, where i did, and that really upset me. In the uk its a very underpaid job, minimum wage, and for what you have to do, carers deserve a lot more money.

Karen, is it my turn to vent, yet? I don't want to be out of turn. Dayshift came in with an attitude and it was all I could do to calm down the aide I have been training because I was needing calmed down, too. We were both running out of cheeks to turn and the new aide is a real spitfire. Boy was she pissed and I couldn't blame her. It started happening about midnight and just went from bad to worse. I was trying to tell her when the drama starts it takes a while for it to quit. I was trying to tell her not to take what the residents say personally but she got confrontational. Every new aide goes through it and luckily I have learn to vent with my co-workers. She has been sick and was telling me the resident was getting on her last nerve and she wanted to get on the resident's last nerve. Fighting fire with fire doesn't always work very well where we work. It is just like stirring up crap because it only makes it smell worse. I just hope it doesn't deter her from coming back. I don't want to lose another one. Sometimes, there is nothing like that feeling when you can finally clock out and tell the next shift its your problem you deal with it. Kind of like getting a baby with colic to stop from crying. If she can make through dealing with her anger she will have learned the hardest thing about working as an aide.

NA is the Narcotics Anonymous meetings, Debbie.

Back pain is a major problem for aides and nurses in the nursing homes because many times of being shorthanded but one still has to try to do one's job understaffed or not. Many of our aides have had to learn how to lift properly and achieve a mechanical advantage by lifting with the legs and not the back. One time of not doing it properly and one can have back pain for a while. Just this morning I got it through the new aide's head the idea of teamwork. When we go through the process of moving them from the bed to the wheelchairs and geri-chairs it is helpful physically and psychologically to do it as team. It also helps each other to keep a cool head when it is done as a team. You can converse with each other and one doesn't feel like they are doing it all by themselves. Like a baby can tell the emotions of a mother the same can be said for residents because they can feel your emotions, too. Yeah, what we do for what we get paid definately can make one feel like they are getting underpaid but not unappreciated by the residents. Many tell us thank you. Sometimes we are the only socialization that the residents have experience on some days. There is a real sense of family as the residents get to know you and they like seeing the same faces every day. A change in staff makes a change for the residents' emotional well being.

thanksfor explaining that.

I am sorry to hear that you can no longer do the job because of pain, Debbie. I stretched the tendons in my right arm cradling a resident I should have got help with. I didn't realize when the resident tightened up his muscles in his uppper torso that it off balanced his weight to mostly his upper chest. I had to rethink my viewpoint on being the human forklift. His sister who taught me the job in the first place showed me how to lift him right. I would think that you must miss working at that job. The job and working with other aides has taught me more about forgiveness. In other words, How can I ask forgiveness of others if I can not forgive? It is like a test to see what one is made of. If I judge others should I not also judge myself? It is like a catch 22. To me that is the joy of venting because like others I, too get angry when I feel that I am mistreated. There were just so many ways that I found I was wrong about a lot of things in the way I view things because of working where I do. I have found that what seemed logical wasn't actually logical. I have found flaws and errors that I couldn't see before. It is like these little insights that help me to understand human nature better. I have gotten a less altruistic than I used to be because I have found faults in altruism. To me the human factor just throws the whole equation of altrusim off. I also have found in some ways concepts and reality to be radically different. In other words, it might look good on paper but is it really feasible in real life?

Rant all you want and in any order. Im no mod for this thread

Well I'm still failing at life. Its gotten to the point where I want to give it up, but i have no idea on how to even give up. Thats how screwed up I am. I've been out job hunting like crazy, and still no luck. My pile of bills seem to grow in size every time i look at it and the rent is coming up right behind that. My job isn't paying much anymore, and I always seem to find myself in trouble there by saying something to someone and them taking it the wrong way. or glancing at a customer and that person thinking I glared at them the whole time. Its like no matter what I do, i can't win. I don't even think i'll be around for my next birthday anymore, I just can't farking handle all this ****.

Allen, welcome to the club.....wanna doa suicide pact? Been wondering about things myself. You are so young and have so much mroe time to come out of this. Me on the other hand am stuck in a hole I can never get out of. Literally.....physically and mentally.........don't do anything stupid. Thats my job.

I quit trying to kill myself cause i could never get it right. its like i can't hurt myself at all. With my luck I'd be perminitly brain damaged

Good. Im glad to hear you have learned your lessons faster than I have, and that you aren't going to do anything stupid. Saying you might not be around be your next b day made me wonder.

okay you too no killing yourself.life is a giant hamster wheel we all know that.allen get on that computer and find some legit work at home sites to supplement your income.When i was your age i worked two jobs and walked to school uphill in a raging blizzard for 20 miles Seriously I worked 2 jobs.try getting a third shift job..they pay more.karen with your artistic talent and good heart you will climb out of your rut.
I'm about to lose my job because I keep having to leave for my child whether he be sick or acting up at school.i am out today because he's been battling the bug for a week now.i am probally fired.yay!!

Sorry to hear that jax.......that has to suck! I had to quit a couple of jobs due to my son having troubles. I home schooled him a lot. I also worked two jobs for some time when I was younger. I guess I was about 22 or 23......i was again lucky that they were in the same mall. I did have to walk to and from work, but only lived about 2 mi from home. Was good exercise. I hope you don't get fired. Maybey they will understand.?

Allen I didnt mean it, I was just trying to get your attention. You know I love you bunches and tons......I love everyone here. I don't want to see anyone hurt themselves.