But Tom (and, maybe I misunderstood here)....I don't want to be with someone who picks fights or starts arguments just for sh**ts & giggles...

Playing little goofy games between the two of you is one thing.....what *I* am referring to is something else altogether.

P.S. I have *heard* there are some twisted preople who like to start fights/ arguments because they enjoy the "making up"..
Umm...no.
If you are engaging in manipulative behaviour the *last* thing I am interested in is nekkid time with you.

Argument is may be way of communication
suppose to be one way traffic
not sure thou why?

something my daughters and I did when I was divorced is that if a big argument was looming on the horizon, one of us would change the subject. That did not mean the situation was forgotten, but it gave us all an "easy out" to calm down. LATER, whichever of us were disagreeing would talk it over. There wasnt always a good solution, but everyone had their opinion heard without actually turning red in the face or shouting. I still do that. If I realize the other person just wants to "fight" and has no interest in listening, I change the subject or sometimes just walk out of the room.

If you are arguing a lot about insignificant things or same things, it's time to split up and move on. It doesn't get better. Some people are just button pushers.

Do you want to be right ?
Or do you want to be happy ?

practice I statements

Do I want to be right.
Or do I want to be happy.

Yeah, I agree, that would be bonkers.


I have met many people like that, makes no sense to me at all.
If two people have a strong relationship and both know how to express and understand love, there is no need to make up because there is no arguments to begin with.


A 'looming argument' indicates there is a breakdown in communication.
I don't have "looming arguments".
I don't have arguments at all with loved ones.
Brooding about anything in a relationship is bad for the relationship and personally.
"Loved One" indicates someone you feel love for. Usually someone that demonstrates their love for you as well.
If you can't trust them, it's not love.
If you can't openly talk with them, it's not love.
If you don't respect them, it's not love.
If you can't accept them as they are, it's not love.


LOL, reminds me of a marriage counselor.
"I statements" can backfire if your partner associates them with conceit.
When talking, use I statements to describe yourself, You statements to describe what you experience from that person and We statements when considering things that have to do with the relationship you are both trying to have.

It only makes sense that you don't hurt the people you love.
You can't unsay anything.
You can't unhear anything.
You can try to cover it up with saying more but the words have already been uttered.
Pay attention to what you say, after-all you do love them right?


Happiness is an emotional state and entirely controlled by your own mind.

I am always right.
Except when she says I'm wrong,
Then, I'm mistaken.
Yes Dear

Any argument or discussion becomes endless when the other party refuses to acknowledge that a square peg can never fit a round hole. That's everyone's cue to walk away .

I think emotional impact reduces reasoning power, and both sexes use it as a misdirectional tactic. to put the other person off balance intellectually, to avoid confronting an issue, even trivial ones. It's so easy to snap at your spouse/partner. After a few snapped exchanges all reason seems to depart.
It took me many years to see through it...... the phrase " remain calm at all times " should be written in stone

friendship

I don't like arguing or conflicts... To me it's a battle of the wills and pointless. I'll walk away if it starts to become heated... letting them know I will discuss it after we've had a chance to cool down. During the cool down period I try to see the other's view point to gain a better understanding of their perspective or what upset them and take responsibility for my part and view point as well.

Using "I" statements like TMommy said really helps to keep defenses from rising so that each person can communicate more reasonably. The result is either mutual understanding or agreeing to disagree.

I think the healthy way to argue is to start off being very clear about what needs you are trying to address with the argument ,, both your need and the other person's need.


Sometimes the need is to be listened to and validated

...Or to find a workable solution to a problem


...Or to punish the person for pain they feel was inflicted by the other partner etc. The list goes on


If there is no way for those needs to be met by BOTH parties, then both have to at least agree on their joint overall goal to be happy in their relationship , and if THAT bigger goal cant be agreed upon , then they both have to make peace with disagreeing and in some cases drifting apart