Love is a tricky thing and does not always work out. Divorce rates on the rise and it got me thinking about prenups, arrange marriages, match makers, and so on. Could these be a better option for people who haven’t had the best luck when it comes to Cupid’s arrow? It’s just a thought.

First, a qualifier, to say that Love and Marriage are not synonymous. One can love without marriage, and one can be married without love.

that being said,

Marriage is a very funny thing because what people want can vary and where people find their 'happiness' can vary as well as what priority people are placing on 'happiness' compared to other parts of life.

I think any relationship will be a role of the dice, no matter how it starts, personally. I feel the more common relationship values and goals people share, the better chance they have. I feel when people rush in based on mostly hormones and impulses, they have less chance of maintaining that foundation than when they start off with more substantial long term goals and values. If people seek that hormonal, adrenaline kind of 'happiness' promoted all over entertainment and media, the commitment of marriage is more likely to be lost and they are more likely to move from partner to partner.

When people can go through the ups and downs without allowing it to diminish their commitment, they stand a better chance, which is why I think cultures with arranged marriage often have longer lasting marriages. Those relationships place alot more of the priority on sharing responsibility and commitment than looking for the other to make or keep them 'happy'. If longevity is the goal, I think that is better for alot of people. But in the west, 'happiness' is much more of the goal. so people would rather have several shorter relationship that were 'happy' while they lasted, than one that is only happy here and there but lasts a lifetime.

As a person who has had several marriages that didn't work out, I have a couple of insights. They fall into people's growth and really knowing your prospective partner.

As we age we grow and change; this is especially true from your 20s to your 40s. When you get married in your 20s you both change significantly with your shared life experiences. When you start out as a couple from about the same place in life, you tend to grow more equally especially if you are sharing the same experiences. When a couple starts from very different points in life or have different background experiences, there is a better probability they will grow in different directions and apart.

The other issue is really knowing your prospective partner. When we meet someone new, we try to put our best foot forward. We hide some of our personal warts. People can do this for a significant period of time especially when you don't live together day in and day out. This may be one of the factors in arranged marriages especially where the families have known each other for many years. Parents should know their children better than anyone else does. When they have those discussions about an arranged marriage, they have a very good idea if their children are truly a compatible couple. They may have even seen the other child grow up. We don't do that in western culture and sometimes what you get in a partner is very different than the person you thought you were getting. When you wake up one morning and wonder who that person you married is, the end is coming.

I don't know that it's a better option but I agree it's a thought.

On my side of the fence I'm more inclined to find out the cause of the hole instead of just plugging the hole.

AND in the course of my queries I've concluded that love and marriage are independent of each other . In other words, hard as we try to satisfy the dictates of christian dogma, men do not mate for life.

some men do, some men dont. some women do, some women dont. Some PEOPLE can honor commitments, and some PEOPLE cannot.

Sex is an action. All actions are choices of our will. Some people have control over their actions, and others dont, and others do but blame their unwillingness to use control on other things.. I dont believe it has anything to do with whats 'natural' except in terms of naturally always having and making choices.

And some people think it's okay to drive with their feet on the wheel unfortunately it's not the natural way to drive . It only took 23 pins and a wheelchair to convince him otherwise.

All i can hear, is Sam Cooke, singing

Cupid, draw back your bow
And let your arrow go
Straight to my lover's heart for me, for me
Cupid, please hear my cry
And let your arrow fly
Straight to my lover's heart for me

Now, I don't mean to bother you
But I'm in distress
There's danger of me losing all of my happiness
For I love a girl who doesn't know I exist
And this you can fix

So, Cupid, draw back your bow
And let your arrow go
Straight to my lover's heart for me, nobody but me
Cupid, please hear my cry
And let your arrow fly
Straight to my lover's heart for me

Now, Cupid, if your arrow make her love strong for me
I promise I will love her until eternity
I know between the two of us her heart we can steal
Help me if you will

So, Cupid, draw back your bow
And let your arrow go
Straight to my lover's heart for me, nobody but me
Cupid, please hear my cry
And let your arrow fly
Straight to my lover's heart for me

Now, Cupid
Don't you hear me
Calling you?
I need you
Cupid
Help me
I need you
Cupid
Don't fail me

I believe it is best to make your own choice in a future partner, whether it's a good or bad outcome at least the decision was yours. People today seem to marry soon after meeting each other, a very short courtship, it maybe the result of the fast paced society we live in or just a lack of patience. The best option in my opinion is that you should take at least a year before thinking about deciding to become engaged to marry, by which time you know each other very well before making such a big decision.

I don't recall marriage being a convenience.

Most people don't understand love so have no idea what love is about.
Love is a personal emotional state.
It is ONLY felt within.
You can demonstrate your love for another and depending on how successful you are, they may sense it but the actual love they feel for you is theirs and theirs alone.

A marriage is an agreement.
It doesn't matter if it is a personal agreement or an official agreement contract.
It's an agreement.

Since love is a personal thing it is subject to personal moods and sensations.
Since we all change over time as we learn new things and adopt new ways of looking at the things in our experiences, love fades in and out at different degrees as time progresses.

Marriage is an agreement of dedication, respect and commitment to the terms of the agreement you make with someone you love at that moment.
The respect for each other, coupled with your own integrity of commitment and dedications either makes the marriage agreement last thru those lean love periods or it doesn't.

Since love is personal, it can become one-sided in a marriage agreement.
It is terrible to be locked into a commitment of respect and dedication towards someone you no longer love.

Since you cannot know the future, the only thing you can base your commitment on is how you feel at any given moment.
However, no matter how dedicated you are to the agreement, marriage is a two person contract.
It takes two.

The only advice I can offer is to know yourself well and choose wisely.