I don't know what I'm doing wrong..but I can't seem to keep a real working relationship..going for more then..6.or7mouths ...I allways find some reason to not commit fully...is It me i wonder are perhaps..I'm just not meeting the right person....it takes work. To make it work..and I'm good at doing the work...

So do any of you find you have issues. Keeping a relationship going..for any real length of time...do you find falt in the other person ?..are do you some how kill it for the other person..by being you..?

People on these sites give me s*** because I am particular, and screen carefully anyone I would date...

Worked well for me for my last two long terms.. (8 years and 12 years..I am a widow now)

I personally think most people give NO thought to core value compatibilty..whether they are one the same page on certain important things....
They just plunge in because she makes his boner tingle..or she thinks he's cute...whatever..

Then, a few months or so down the road, they realize they have major incompatibilities/ differences that preclude a long term thing..

Just my opinion, based on what i have seen..

I only started dating several months ago after a long marriage.

I had to use dating sites because I live in a small town. I actually met 7 guys in person, nothing that would interest me in a long term relationship.

I found myself ready to give up. Most men were looking for FWB which I didn’t want. I decided to keep looking but change my criteria and be less critical.

I got a message from someone that I normally would have passed by, it had some bad poetry. Decided to talk to him and we’ve been dating ever since. We clicked in every way. It’s only been 3 months but it looks good.

I think the most important thing I can do to find the right woman for me is to understand myself completely.
It helps me to choose wisely.

Know yourself
Choose wisely.

Well, that's simple, Doc.... if you kill it for the other person by being you they're not the right one for you.

You answered your own question: you don't fully commit.
As long as you don't work on the underlying issue you will never find a lasting relationship, nor the right person. Well, actually you do, you meet the people who resonate with you, meaning people who for some reason also cannot have a healthy relationship.

If you truly want to change this you gotta work on the shadow side of Cancer, which if memory serves and you didn't lie is what you are.
Cancer has big problems with working through emotions, letting go, expressing their feelings & emotions and tend to avoid just like the crab does by walking sideways.

I happened to read something on Cancers today, and when they CAN deal with their shadow side they are incredibly great people, extremely creative. Apparently both Tesla and Elon (guy who invented electric cars I believe) were/are Cancer. Go figure what great things Cancer can do when empowered!

Alternatively you can of course keep sulking for the rest of your life, keep repeating postings like this for another couple of years without anything changing.
Get out of that shell, stop walking sideways.
Go see a good coach. Or if it's bad, a counsellor. Nothing to be embarrassed about, these people are there for a reason. Doesn't mean you're a nutcase, they can help you see blind spots so you stop going around in circles.

Men like to chase women. If she gets clingy or needy, the chase is over and the man is gone to chase another woman. If it doesn't feel right, it's not.

Um . . . because death exists?

I speak as a widower.

I feel the culture of instant gratification and the 'realities' painted by media of how relationships should 'feel', as well as the culture of doing what makes us (self centered) 'happy', makes it hard for relationships to start as partnerships in the true sense, let alone to remain that way throughout life.

just MHO.

Excellent points!

I have been in two major relationships in my life.The first was with someone I knew from 2nd grade until we split up at the age of 23 when she for whatever reason placed our son up for adoption.The second ended a few years ago.We had been together for 11 years and I woke up one morning to find she had ran off to another state in the middle of the night to be with someone almost 3 times her age.Since then I have been very careful of who I talk to and what is said.Trust isn't given it is earned and these days people seem to give it away like candy.

..
I don't know about all that I'm pretty good at expressing my emotions... but at the same time I do have a problem letting go.. depending on what I'm letting go of.....
Lol..but yes I think talking to professional might help

Have you been cheating on them with your right and left hands?

Commit to them and give them up for the lady...

I think the number one mistake or maybe not a mistake that I have made in the past..
Is i date people for the sake of dating..
I typically meet somebody I like something about their personality or their look.. they seem fun to be with so I figure hey!! why not date them..it's just dating... I'm pretty clear about stating that I'm not looking for anything long-term or super serious at the beginning.. but I enjoy being with them spending time with them... it makes for a nice companionship...so I throw all myself into the new relationship.. I'm loyal.. entertaining.. take them out for dinners and movies open the car door for them..
Make all the Right Moves a man should make..but somewhere around the 4-month mark..they Start to want more..well..then at that point I have to take a serious look at them and think... hmm. could I see spending a lot of time with them... do they have the right personality the right physical features.. do we have enough in common ..the right career.. and any crazy baggage....lol..

Because honestly when I'm dating somebody... I don't really look too hard at them at frist.. I just think I enjoy spending time with them that's good.. if all those other criterios happened to be in there..then..it can move forward...but if not then..I start to pull away.. and they pick up on this..and be for you know it...it's over.. and I'm left wondering what my problem is...why can't I just ...over look those little things about the other person...that keep me. From committing to them fully...
Are should I..?.... big problem is it's hard to be alone when you like being with people..
Are need to be with some one..just for the companionship...

I blame autocorrect.

" I don't really look too hard at them at frist.. I just think I enjoy spending time with them that's good."

This was what i was referring to..
She makes my boner tingle....yay!
None of that other stuff is important.

The thing is, I wonder how straight-up you are with a woman at the beginning..
Do you make it clear you are just looking for something casual, FWB, whatever....and not at all interested in something more involved?

If not, you are being dishonest in a way...
Because you said:
"so I throw all myself into the new relationship.. I'm loyal.. entertaining.. take them out for dinners and movies open the car door for them..
Make all the Right Moves a man should make.."

Any *reasonable* person (woman) with no information from you to the contrary would think you were wanting more than a casual thing....

No one throws all themselves in (your words) unless they are hoping for something more involved than an occasional f** buddy and dinner companion..

Maybe you need to work on being more clear right upfront....so there are no misunderstandings.