Throughout my life, I've known that people do die. As a child, I (as is quite common) didn't really appreciate what it really means that people and others die. Pets would die, usually out of sight, and I would hear of various famous people dying, and of course, there were millions of entirely fictional deaths on TV and in films. Those especially, seemed meaningless, because I would see the same actors in another part, shortly after they "died" elsewhere.

More recently, I have had to finally begin to face much more meaningful deaths. Much more real. My mother died a year ago, my sister died suddenly of undiagnosed heart disease a few months after, and a month ago, my father went into a spiral of failing internal systems. One of my brothers was diagnosed with an incurable early-life-debilitating disease.

So all very quickly, my immediate family appears to be shrinking from six down to two.

How that has all affected me, has been difficult to measure in detail. My patience with others in fear seems to be increasing. My patience with people who insult others, or who indulge in prejudicial treatment of others has decreased even more.

I have no doubt that it will change how I relate to others, but how that will affect my search for a mate, I've yet to discover.

I'm posting this, just to share with others here who might be dealing with a similar life stage or experience. Mainly, I find that as with so many things, there was no way to prepare ahead of time for the effect of this.

I experienced death at an early age, 5 years old. Being the only eyewitness to an automobile accident head on collision into a very large tree.

As a young man, I worked as a hospital porter carrying amputations to incineration.

Then I perceived the driver's demise as a transition to another state. And felt kittle reason to be sad. After my grandfather died when i was 21. I didn't experience any closr losses till a cousin died about 5 years ago ( another automobile accident) This hurt me me very hard. Last year I lost both parents within 6 months of each other. They'd been separated 35 years. Living totally different lives thousands of miles apart.

My point being. The older we get, the more we appreciate what we and other's have.

I'm sorry to hear about your loses and how you're currently facing the expected losses of close ones.

To me, death has always been just another part of life so to speak, as far back as I can remember. It was never really thought of as the end, but more like the beginning of something bigger.

IDK, anymore though, maybe that's the kind of thing that gets us through such times and helps us to accept that those that were once here are no longer here. I would like to think we will all be reunited again some day of course.

I’m so sorry for your losses I have been changed greatly not from death but from an abusive relationship I was in it has changed me significantly so I can relate to some of your feelings...just now you are not alone I think many people are broken and hurting or feel damaged in some way. Hugs

i was raised around the dead
have many fond memory's of playen hide and go seak in the caskets
or tag around the tomb stones
<shrug>
and yes i am being for real
my mother did makeup and hair and nails , for the soon to be laid to rest
grew up learning where the name graveyard shift came from and the listening for the sound of a ringing bell

guess that may be why i look at death different then most
<shrug>
now with all that being said ,
i have lost many along this journey

2 where in my arms (1 a hit and run dwi uhg miss ya Jenny , other was a good friend the cops took out for well , what they said mistaken identity, i will never understand that one)
that will change you .... i dont care who you are , it will

i never slowed down to count the others , and i am sure some that i have not talked to in years have as well

life is a fickle thing , every one is dien to get out of it

i have noticed that most people don't really live unless they make it past a near death experience , just cause you are alive does not mean you are liven

i have come very close more times then i chose to count and place here...
but for some reason i keep comen back ,
i am still here , ya missed , please try again : )

advice , focus more on the good times , things done , even the tiny moments that follow you around and be happy you where there to see / be in them
i can most time's , like when i did somethen stupid i can all most hear Jenny say something like "That was Brilliant , whats your next trick ?"

there are more flowers bought for the dead then for the living
so your thoughts are not alone

I have seen so much death Igor .. not on my personal life but my professional one . It is never easy and in some ways every memory remains with you ., .. there is definitely a cycle of grieving and each person's experience is very individual . Sadly ..Some never get over the loss of a loved one . Time does not always heal . Even knowing someone is dying does not make the experience any less devastating ..no matter how we rationalise death . It is normal to reflect on your own mortality but try not to let that consume your future. Take each day as it comes and seek happiness . Here if you need to talk xox

I don't do death.
I won't go to funerals and I don't go to hospitals.

The last funeral I attended was my father in 1984 and I showed my face and left.
I choose to remember the people as they are in my experience with them rather than look at their corpse.
I won't even be at my own funeral.

I also don't visit graveyards.
That stone with their name on it is not them and my memory of them flat out trumps any picture.

Everybody dies, I choose to remember their life instead of their death.
As far as I'm concerned, throw me naked out in the woods and let the critters have lunch.

In my job, I can't escape death, it's all part of the game

Sorry for your losses Igor.

Losing loved ones is difficult and it does change you. Well it changed me anyways. I appreciate everything and everyone more than I did. I realized that I’m not getting younger and I need to enjoy my time here.

I made drastic changes in my life to get rid of people who made me unhappy daily and I even moved to a more peaceful setting. I really appreciate beauty in the small things. That’s probably the biggest change in me.

I now do more things for me and my happiness. It helps to move on from the pain.

Slightly off-topic: There's something in us that tries to dodge the topic of our own death. We joke about it as we carry some faint hopes of an afterlife.
Made me think, how prepared am I.





Like many, when I was younger I was distracted into religion. A difficult pilgrimage had a positive psychological influence; a light-heartedness; as if a burden had been lifted. Faith had a role but now I'm of the belief that God is for the living; when one's dead, what's there to care.

I was wondering whether there's any medical doctor who has written on the preparations we need to make ahead of dying. A manual, so that we can observe our own dying process and an acceptance as time runs out.

I couldn't prepare for my mother to die over 30 years ago. The last time I saw her alive, she was unconscious in a hospital bed. She only needed a heart valve replacement. I think I will do better with my father, but it's hard to communicate because he is very hard of hearing, even with hearing aids. He has a captel (caption telephone) but that doesn't work great. I can write letters. He likes to read.

l had family die from when l was a young child to the present as my Mother is 87 yrs old. The worst for me was losing my 3rd child and it was the worst time of my life. That was the hardest part of my life and it took me many years to get to the point of acceptance. Children are not supposed to die , they are meant to live and out live the parent but going to a funeral home to make arrangements for your daughter was just plain shocking, horribly painful and so so sad..l cried many tears and l understand there are those that are worse off then l am but signing over your child's organs for donation was an absolute nightmare and having absolutely no support from my Ex husband who said some horrible things to me which l will carry with me for the rest of my life...lt has taken me many years to get over my daughter's death and as l had older family, Father, brother was much easier to accept then losing an innocent child who died as a result of a Dr.s mistake..
Having studied and worked as a Nurse made it so difficult because l knew the signs that there was a problem but l was not at all prepared for a Dr. to be so negligant because he decided a Christmas Party for his staff was far more important then coming to the Ward for an emergency after being called 4 times and leaving the resident alone who was not prepared or allowed to do Emergency Surgery despite her vitals dropping as time was ticking away...
l have had 2 Near Death Experience and l also worked with patients who were terminally ill and l understand the dying process but when it is your own baby, it is a much different experience...
Being born is a part of life and dying is also part of life so when a person close to us dies, we all handle it differently and it is a personal experience...Dying teaches us loss and that life has to go on and it is the 5 stages of grief a person has to go through and we all go through these steps in different stages based on our beliefs and how we learn wisdom from that loss that eventually makes it easier to accept and carry on in life.
l would gladly have given my life so my Daughter could have lived a full life but it was different when my brother and Father died as that was the order we understand..All and all, it is like being dropped into someplace we have to learn to get out and rise above the loss in order for us to keep living and carrying on..
Therapy is a good way to help you understand and get through the dark places our minds go to and keeping that will to live so that we may go on...We do learn from loss but it takes time and takes patience unfortunately and it changes who we were to who we are now..There are websites and information on line to help you with your loss as well as getting help with any questions or thoughts you may have.

l do wish you all the best and time does heal...l never believed that until l got to the point there was a light at the end of the tunnel.. Be kind to yourself and understand death is inevidable part of death..Just take time to do what comforts you and know you will see them again when it is your time to depart this life. All the best to you

A 2017 article in The New York Post:



Pit of darkness when the brain knows 'body is dead'; better to sedate oneself ...

https://nypost.com/2017/10/19/after-you-die-your-brain-knows-youre-dead-terrifying-study-reveal

Hello Igor,
Got spiraled by your post into the theme of how unprepared we are to face not only others' but even our own dying. Hope the article from the NY Post is not an intrusion.

I am puzzled by the fact people who consider and worry about the moments of death are "terrified" or "afraid" or "scared"? We are all going to die. Shouldn't death be welcomed as a new and exciting phase, or, dimension, if you prefer? Aren't you just a little curious about what happens next? And, will you even know?

Life is a sexually-communicated disease with a 100% fatality rate.

You exist = life
You were a result of a sexual encounter = Sexually-communicated
Disease = dis-ease, not pristine, decaying over time
100% fatality rate - everyone that is born, eventually dies, no exceptions.

People tend to fill themselves with delusions concerning death because they NEED something more than the reality they face.
It makes their mortality sufferable.

To imagine death is just an end of an organism's life cycle is repulsive to people.
The concept of the void of everything is scary.
So, most people choose to believe there is something more for them in death.
It gives them comfort.

Personally, I don't see a problem with this.
If yer delusions give you peace, go for it.
I wonder, are you really at peace?
People are deluded about many things.
Problem is, when the delusion is broken, ya can't redelude yourself.
Reality gets in the way.

So, if you removed the delusions, you have two actual options.
Be afraid or deal with it.
Afraid, one will ignore and hope it goes away.
Problem is, reality doesn't work that way.

If you choose to deal with it, you embrace life in the right now and stop worrying about it.
I expect to go to bed some night and never wake again.
I expect some day, I may not see another.
It gives ya a whole new perspective on things.

In response to the above, Tom's conclusions are 'words of wisdom' and I quote:




Alternate Response:

first, in discussing 'death' let us learn 'who is this 'I' who is asking?' and what is the level of existence of this 'I'. Recall, Are you living or just existing? - from the comment posted by Maybewecan

A good part of our journey in life is in the mental mode of automation or ‘existence’. Normally it is as we grow older and the bills have been paid, that we search for meanings for our existence.



Repeat: "my patience with others in fear seems to be increasing".

Point is, 'existence' is a 'level' of living with others or with oneself. If this is acceptable, we may also agree with: .

It is from this fear on loss of existence that the question “What happens after death?” (from ancient times), led to the invention of God or gods. This allowed our religions to bring righteousness in societies and it was based on pedaling ‘hope’ of an afterlife existence.

But today’s man cannot be compared to yesterdays. Scientific advances are overwhelming and whether we like it or not, the question ‘what happens after death’ has been answered. The loss is permanent and complete.

But as life spans increase (children born in this Century are expected to attain 120 years in age; which by comparison, makes all of us middle aged) the question devolves down to ‘how do we (naturally) die?’

The answer to this question may box us down now but it is also part of the answer to the compromise future technology may offer. One may die, but one’s personalities and memories (part of 'I') may be preserved by way of AI. [An old comic book idea; and okay, associating higher intelligence with the comic is besides the point.]

The point is, if possible, I prefer the consciousness to go (sedate myself) before the heart stops and avoid the futility of clinging on in the hope of an afterlife.

I'm sorry to hear of your losses. I can relate, both of my big brothers to cancer, one in 2001 and the other in 2017. I've never felt so utterly lost in my life.

So sorry for your losses. I can related. Within four years I lost my family. It was hard to be a widow, but then difficult accepting being an only child, then an orphan. At this point, age had no bearing. Grief comes in waves and can be debilitating. It is something you can't control. You can't pick up the pieces and put yourself back together. It is more of a rebuilding, because loss of loved ones changes you, so you will never be the same person you were. More often then not people don't realize that death of a person has nothing to do with you, it is between that person and God. All our days our numbered. That is why we have to learn to appreciated each day, it is a gift, that is why we call it 'the present'.