I struggle with the fact that my children do not live with me full time..or at all.. when I left my marriage .. I left my children with their mother . In the home they were raised in.. at the time that seemed to be the best choice.. however i did suggest to my boys! that if I was to get a bigger place would they be willing to come stay part-time even?...But my boys made it clear they were happy where they were.. they had everything they needed.. they were not fond of the idea of going between two homes. After hearing this from them the matter seemed settled. and quite honestly. I was happy not to have the expense that comes with renting a bigger place.. and the fact that I see my boys almost daily . And talk to them by phone regularly was a contributing factor as well . But what I was not prepared for was how much I would miss them and being in the same space with them. Cooking meals for them being there for them when they come home from school or seeing them off in the morning.... I was not prepared for what a big impact the loss of those little routines.. are the absence of having them in the same space 24/7 would have on my well-being and peace of mind. And how that would make me feel.... even though I do see them and talk to them regularly.. but in the beginning I sometimes felt as though I had abandoned my children... although I have come to terms with the fact that that is not the case.. . but now I just feel sometimes! And deeplee the absence of them I ache to be with my boys full-time regularly..

Any coping advice would be appreciated.. or perhaps your own experiences in this matter... positive advise..only please

Nice to see you spanky ;-)

Ya know, we are called upon, as adults, as parents, to make the tough calls.
It seems you did, for all the right reasons.
Second-guessing yourself is a natural occurrence.
Brought on by the loneliness of your kids not sleeping there, nights.

I think you need at least one over-nighter every month.
Being with Dad surely makes sleeping bags tolerable ;-)

Hi and nice to be seen LOL..
The sleepover is a great idea...
. I try to have them over at least once a week or every two weeks for dinner but it's hard to get both boys here at the same time... so I usually just go out with one or the other and do something like a movie or get something to eat.. it does help with my anxiety over the issue.. and you threw a dating life in the mix..well.... you start to feel torn in two different directions... how to have a relationship with your kids when you're no longer living with them ..and balance your own life without them full time and your dating life..

time
makes the wound not so big and deep
cant say that it will heal
well unless your blonde : ) then ya can forget about it , well till somethen opens that door again and sticks your head in it and slam's it repeatedly over , and over , and over again , repeatedly lol
<shrug>
but time does seam to help

as you will prob tell me, as many other have , i dont have kids so blah blah blah

don't mean i cant feel the same pain for one of my 4 legged kids

i feel like a country singer lol i broke up with my wife and i miss my dog
but anywho,

best advice i can give ya is this
Dude even you said " even though I do see them and talk to them regularly "
just that alone makes it better then many, many people do
but the glass is half full
do what of it you will

i myself,
would just enjoy the time ya can when ya can
after all its not the book that makes the story , its the small pieces in between that keep us going and in turn make a book

relax and enjoy the ride
for some it lasts to long , for some not long enough
tomorrow is not promised
<shrug>

Thanks and that's great advice.. and no matter if it's missing your children or a loved one family or friends children or a four-legged critter.. the pain is just the same.. thanks again I like the part about making the book nice touch

Hi No1phD,

I have 2 girls at home with me. Most mothers can't believe it. But I think some of your comments are right ...
Having them in their original home is important for consistency and familiarity.
Also I feel your pain ... my girls are with their mother for 2 nights, first time since our split. I miss them so much and it's only been 3 hours!
I agree with others ... if you can't have them full-time you must negotiate to have your boys at least once a week.

Keep strong. And stand up for yourself. Although men and women are supposed to be equal, it seems to be given that the woman gets the kids as a norm. But having your kids as a man should be a right, if you're a good person.

I think you made the right choice. You sound like a good man... and so count yourself fortunate that you have continued contact with your boys. When I got a divorce my girls were forced to visit their dad for 4 hours a week with a court-appointed supervisor going along. That was pure Hell for all of us, but it was necessary. More than once I considered packing the car and driving me and the girls to Canada. Enjoy what you have. I feel that Datwasntme is spot on.

Yes . My dad raised four of us on his own..
I don't know how he did it.....
I don't know if I could do it even with just two boys.. my hat goes off to my ex-wife she does a great job... and I do everything I can from my end to support her ..I know it can't be easy and it could probably become overwhelming... so I go over often even when they're not there ..I will do some light house cleaning for her.. minor repairs shovel the sidewalks cut the grass.. it helps me feel connected..in some way

I'm so sorry you and your children had to go through that ..I couldn't imagine someone having to force my kids to visit me.. or having to send my children to somebody that doesn't treat my children well... very painful decisions to make and conversations to have...... and yes I see my boys daily I drive the youngest to school in the morning they don't live far from me so I'm happy to do it gives me a chance to see his face.. and wish him a good day... that alone is enough to get me through my day... some days I don't know if I made the right decision in leaving... but here I am... and there they are... I guess at the end of the day you just make the best of the situation that you can.. do what you can do and don't worry so much about what you can't do

For me it was a little different in the sense that it was not divorce that separated me from my son but military service. After 911 he joined the Marine corps and I knew he was not coming back " home" and he didn't. He finished up 9 years in the corps, met and married a nice girl and is rising his family in another state.

There was a real sense of change and I missed him terribly. My daily routine ( which included him) would never be the same. But he turned into a good man, himself and he loves me. And after all, that is what it is all about.. that is all that matters.

Take solace that you are a good father and your kids love you.. for being there and being their father and always putting their welfare... first.