Where it melts in her mouth, not in her hand.

I'm also done with settling for less.
But I think in general it's something slightly different that's the problem. Men seem to have more difficulty with getting over an ex.
There's so many that keep ranting about their ex whenever they can, even 18 years after a divorce, are bitter and negative towards women based on a past experience and from that think it's okay to knock women in general.
I don't see nearly as many women do the same thing. I think this is because we are far more used to dealing with and processing emotions and feelings than men.
I also don't understand how they don't get their OWN part in what went wrong and take responsibility for that part as opposed to blaming the other party 100% for it going wrong.

That's not an excuse of course, like you say, men can also develop and learn to deal with that side of themselves, unfortunately many don't seem to do that.
I could respect if completely if a man would say "I'm too hurt, I'm not going there anymore." and simply take responsibility for his shortcomings.
But the constant knocking of women on here... If it was my forum many postings would be deleted and a lot of people would get warnings as I do not find it acceptable. It's the 21st century, not the Middle Ages.

In any case, I'm doing the same thing you are doing, and in the meantime I keep working on my own growth & development and healing my heart.
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why?

I suspect it is not so much about the ex or accepting their part in the break up but the long term pain of the divorce and its' affect on their lives. Most divorced men are much more bitter over the divorce process and what it has done to their lives than the ex. She just tends to be the recipient of that bitterness.

I agree and see what you're saying about not getting over past hurts. I don't talk about an ex when I'm with someone new and yet every one of them has talked of an ex from the very start... always about how she hurt him and what she did to him, never about his part in the relationship.

And yes, the constant knocking of women is insulting, demeaning, and tiresome! As is the constant knocking of men from a few. Putting all men or all women into one pile just because one or two or even more have hurt you or didn't work out is not fair to either sex. For the most part, I am responsible for past relationships failing. Not having loved myself caused me to invite men in my life that weren't loving. Not defining what I wanted and needed in a relationship resulted in starting relationships with someone who was not compatible with me.

It's easy to say what you don't want, not always so easy to say what you do want. Focusing on what you don't want or who did what to you only creates the energy that continues bringing the same to you... what you don't want! I'm guilty of doing that and I believe it's time to switch that around. Start making a list of what I want in a relationship.

I admire you Crystal, you state exactly what you want and don't budge or settle for less. That inspires me to do the same

Women are individuals and diffinately not the same. They desire different things.

Good points

And from some of the men’s comments, I now know why you are single. Seriously, if you are so negative about women, why don’t you change teams? Maybe then you won’t blame the other person for your problems.

Women who are looking for a man with money are so obvious but men do the exact same thing. Some men look for a woman with money so get over it!

Crystal is right about men not being able to get over a broken relationship. They do talk about their exes all the time and I do not. When they learn that, maybe then they can try again. Please don’t try until you heal.

My current bf did talk about exes but also took his part of the blame. So he is emotionally available.

No big biceps, no big bank account and just normal in the size department. None of those things interest a real woman. Maybe none of you have had the pleasure of meeting a REAL woman. So sad for you!

I had a female cat that would bring me dead mice. She loved being a mama too, she even cared for her sisters litter of kittens while she was nursing her own litter. She was one awesome little cat. I made her a cat bed out of an old plastic tub and some old clothes. I let her in the house as well. When people were home she liked to hang out inside with people. She would hang with me every now and again, but she liked to go out when there wasn't much company.

She was a happy cat, and I think that's because she was so full of love and so lovable. I think that really all anyone really wants, regardless of gender, species, etc. we all want and need love.

Beautiful story and so true Totage

Thank you, really honoured that I can be a source of inspiration for you!
I've been through similar things as you, learnt from it. The one mistake is that I have always settled for less, and wasn't even aware of it to be honest.
I started to make such a list about 5 years ago. It has proved to be very helpful!
If you want to keep working on yourself then check that list after you've made it to see if you yourself embody the things on it.
The things that aren't a match are what you should work at in order to be a match for what you want. As you are aware, this is mostly energetically, resonating yourself with your perfect match.

Yes, I know most men are, which was exactly my point. It doesn't make sense. Women get hurt just as badly as men, their lives affected just as much and often even more so cos they are usually the ones who end up being single with kids. For them it's far more difficult to handle the pain and grief as they also have to be there for the children, provide for them, make sure there's a bit of a normal routine and food on the table. She often cannot shed her tears to let out pain when she needs to because she cannot upset the children who are hurting themselves.

Now not every woman is still at the age of having young kids at home. But they still get hurt, often have suffered serious abuse. I have too. Sexual, financial, verbal, mental, physical. Yet, I recovered and healed, moved on and found new happiness.
Sure, there were still sore spots, but I wasn't bitter, angry or whatever. Not about that ex who did that to me, not about men in general.
If you'd know what I've been through... Not just me who got abused, my 2 teenage kids as well, including sexual abuse of my daughter.
Yet, I managed to truly forgive him, heal, move on.

If a woman with such a background can do that -and I know there are many with similar stories-, then why can't men?
And if you (general 'you') can't, why not simply own up, say "I've become a grumpy person, bitter and disillusioned" and not knock 50% of Earth's population based on your experience.

You're welcome

I made a list back in 2009, but didn't follow through. Like you I ended up settling for less. I think back then I didn't think I was worth much so shouldn't expect much... sad, but true! I too wasn't aware of it.

I don't understand the part where you said the things that aren't a match are what I should work on. Wait... I think I do understand. Are you saying if I want an emotionally available man, then I need to be emotionally available... in other words the things I put on my list, make sure I am those things as well? If not then work on them?

Yes, exactly like that. Or if you want a man who can stand on his own two feet, has things going for himself, mates, hobbies and so on, YOU have to be able to handle him being gone every now and then to enjoy these things.
So sometimes it's not you having the exact same quality or thing but you have to be a match to it.
It's nice if you make it visual, for instance make this man's list, then go over it to see if you are a match for each point, if not, use a red pen to write a cross in front of it.
Then you can see right away what you still have to work on in order to be a match for what you need and want.

That makes sense, thanks Crystal

You're welcome!
Oh, there's one more thing: after making the list, before checking if you match, go over it and cross off every point that comes from ego and/or past hurts. The list should be 'clean' from that.

Good point and great idea, I'll do that

Topic: WHAT DO WOMEN REALLY WANT???



Probably, to be asked as individuals.
Instead of all being lumped as one.

And for a guy to hold my hand and keep me safe when a movie gets a tad scary
Some thrillers I daren't watch on my own.

all women want a guy that get's it without the need to hit him over the head with it