Happy Sabbath Day Of Saturday to all of my M2 Family, American I need your wisdom right. Let me start by saying I'm an easy going guy with a great personality, very mature and wise and I'm a lot of fun to be around. People men & women gravitate to me because I think outside the box with a again great personality and sense of humor. I recently started to date this beautiful girl which I won't name but we have mutual interest. We both like each other and we talk text and engage in numerous date dinners with each other. She's Italian & Irish decent. Me I'm a black German so we both have European in us. Now here's the kicker, last night we had a good conversation on our likes and things and she gave me feedback on her family. I gave her the same. I told her my family would love her. My mom and I are very close and I come from an down to earth family. When she told me about her mom, she explained to me her mom is a racist, a white supremacy. Her Father is worst. My mind was kind of blown but told her I'm in a dating you and maybe time will change there narratives. Now she do have a half black daughter but she don't talk too much to her mom. My question to you my lovely people, should I be concerned or continue dating this wonderful girl? I know love can conquer anything but am I'm doing the right thing but continuing being with her? Have you ever dated a wonderful person of another race and they have no relationship with there racist family member. If So how you prevail? So talk to me America how do you feel about things like this.

All Replies Will Be Answered Back!
Thank You All
EyeAmYourHost39

EyeAmYourHost39,

I want to continue dating her, I mean she 's a great girl. But we do live in a strange world and I told her I'm dating you and when the time comes we can address meeting your parents. We both live in Pennsylvania and if you know anything about PA, outside Philadelphia, Pittsburgh, Erie , & Harrisburg. Pennsylvania is country as hell. Which means its very snowish if you get my meaning. The Question is someday will you meet her parent? Yes but first I have to change there view of minorities. I have big shoes to fill. I want them to understand my people comes with fine prints. You got the good & the bad. I'm one of the good guys. Change the narratives on what they see. I believe a parent should love there adult children and its okay to question the motives of there daughter choices. I mean I'm a father, naturally I want to understand my daughters choices of dates, but its her decision who she brings home. If that person make you happy well god bless him rock on!

Sure. Why not. Continue. She seems to be dating based on trying to define herself the opposite of her parents. Get some revenge.

The only thing I'd really be concerned about is never being left alone on their parents property. Especially if they live deep in the woods where the crickets play dueling banjos deep in the night.


Not really.
It's not love that conquers anything, it's the preservation of identity.
Through the "love" bonding process your brain is changed, your deeper associations are influenced as a means of supporting the relationship.
e.g. if you're "in love" and you see a hot chick, your lust is triggered, your brain fantasizes how you'd do it, or approach them, and then (if in love) that will trigger memories of your partner, which will either distract you from your lust, or refocus it on your partner.

You are your memories and how your brain and memories were formed.
Love is just one "tool" that affects the brain. Little different than a big iron rebar spike being driven through it and changing your personality, albeit far more subtle.

"Love" simply rewires your brain and how you see yourself and includes your partner in your self identity and how you define reality, what is.
People don't like change, they like stability and security. They don't like their personality disrespected, dismissed, as that's the same as being ostracized.
So they will fight.

Love doesn't conquer all. It simply changes who you think you are. Then you fight to preserve that. You conquer anything that tries to change who you think you are or in attempting to preserve it.

Sorry, it's all you. Not love. It's a handy word/scapegoat to use for virtue signalling though.
People (women really, who look for socially conscious mates) respond "better" to "I did it all for love/you!" than "I did it for myself to prove myself right and better than anyone."



No. The type of person I am I wouldn't last long in a relationship with someone that wasn't somewhat close to their family. There are all sorts of emotional and mental problems that stem from that.


Amused.


The danger here is if you do that then either you have to be close minded to their beliefs and focused on just changing them which can easily lead to entrenchment and escalating retribution as you attempt to change them, or you have to be open minded as an example to them of being open minded and their beliefs will influence you.


That's great to say and all. Lots of people pay the same lip service.

But what if, hypothetically, I'm not calling you names, you were a bad parent and you led your daughter to hate herself, loathe her identity, loathe her family, which she's buried and rationalized, and she acts out, she dates mostly to sabotage herself, and as a means of getting back at you and proving she's her own unique person because you just browbeat her with your beliefs trying to get her to change her narrative or whatever when she was growing up.
Now, the people she brings home make her extremely happy, but makes her happy for really bad reasons.

If you offer her opinion or try to help her "change" then you are working against what she knows now is making her happy.
Plus, she's an adult, she has freedom, the more you try, the more you push her away to explore alternatives to you.

Whatcha gonna do? Support her happiness through supporting self destruction and bad choices she doesn't realize she's making? Or actively try to make her unhappy by not accepting "who she is" and try to change her via her dating choices?
Which is more important: your idea of the "happiness" you think she should have and why? Or hers?

I sometimes wonder how this asinine "I just want you to be happy!" belief of so many people became the charge cry for parents in relating to their kids.

I think it's just another way parents try to turn their kids into extensions of themselves. The parents spent their lives trying to selfishly make themselves happy, as that is all they valued, so now it's time to push their kids to it? Chickens. Roost. All that.


That's okay. There's really no value in it since it's not direct interaction. You realize that, right?

That is hard. I dont envy you. I personally feel that the relationship a person has with their family is an important flag/indicator of how any family you have together may end up. If that person has no real relationship with their family, even for good reason, it is very hard to know how they will deal with family or other personal relationships in the long run.

It is also a flag if her own child does not really talk to her. I think dating will always have its gambles though. Id say get to know more about her and what relationships she DOES have, and it may tell you more about how to proceed or what to expect.

Most people with racist views developed those views directly from the minorities they had to deal with especially as they were growing up. The negative media accounts of minority actions also contributes to those views. While exposure to those minorities who do not fit their stereotypes will help, every time something shows up in the news media, it will undermine those new, positive experiences you help them have. So much of the news such as Ferguson and Black Lives Matter fits the negative stereotype of minorities. Unless you and your lady would seriously consider relocating to an environment more acceptable of mixed race relationships, you future will be very difficult at best.

This is a tough one. It's a tightrope to be sure.

Most hardcore racists refuse to change their views. They not only will resist any attempts, but will actually try to rationalize it in such a way as to change YOUR mind. Of course, you can't change your skin color, so they'll just plant their feet and stick in the mud.

The only thing that can help with that is time. Even then, they might just regard you as an exception to the rule, while still keeping their views towards everyone else with dark skin.

And then there's the woman...
Mommy issues. Daddy issues.

With many people, those things will be a constant obstacle in a relationship. For instance, how do you know she's not just using you to stick it to mom and dad? You really can't know. But that doubt might wear on you over time, causing problems of its own.

You have to understand that it's not just about skin color or individual personality.
It's about culture too -- they don't like how darker skinned people live and what they enjoy and how they influence society.
And genetics -- one of their views is that white skin will eventually be bred out of existence through interracial coupling.
And so much more than I can't even get into.

Point is, they rationalize on so many different levels. It truly is an overwhelming obstacle.

Heck, they may disown their daughter, but that doesn't mean they don't love her. They may just feel she's making a huge mistake, and thus resort to "tough love" to bring her back around. It's a typical mindset for people like this. If there's anyone in the family they may refuse to love, it's the grandchild who's interracial -- and that's a tragedy of its own.

So advice?

- Don't try to change her parents. Only they can change themselves. Just be you.

- Focus on her, not her parents. If you focus on her parents, sooner or later, it's going to drive some sort of wedge between you and her. Your relationship will eventually become all about race.

- Keep one eye open. If you see signs that the relationship is becoming all about race or her parents, be prepared to pull the plug.

Very good answers already, especially ciretom's long one.

I just want to add a shorter specific lesson that I learned the hard way.

That is, that when you enter into a relationship with someone, if you find challenges and difficulties, it is always a horrible mistake to expect them to go away.

I other words, don't try or expect or base your hopes for something with this person, on your ability to change her parents' minds and hearts.

This is really no different than people who start up with someone who has a lifestyle they don't care for, thinking that because they love each other, they will be able to change the parts of the person they DON'T like, and make them what they DO like.

People don't work that way.

As for "love conquers all," as ciretom said, that's always been more of a romantic wishful thought, than anything else. However, if you change it slightly to "I love you AS YOU ARE, AND AS YOUR LIFE IS, AND I AM WILLING TO BE WITH YOU AS YOU ARE," then it can become closer to valid.

Concerned? Hell yes...Continue? Your call. Coming from a deep in Dixie background I can testify that ignorance runs deep, and more importantly "the fruit don't fall far from the tree" . I'll be the first to say no one should be held to account for their parents...but the influences are undeniable.
I often wondered as i got older how some of the extreme positions some folks took affected their daughters? As in the MOST extremist men's daughters bringing a "Look who's coming to dinner" thing, while abandoning any objective views of family background, religious, education, work ethic, or even criminal background...they were 'non-white'.

But to YOUR question. Profile leads me inclined to see an articulate man, educated, expresses himself well and enjoys doing so. More than likely soft hearted, tendencies to trust to easily. Take a long, long, long courtship with this one.... GUARD YOUR HEART MY FREIND !!

CireTom

Well first i love the opening of your comment about getting revenge i found it to be hilarious funny....lol. One thing i eant to point out that im a smart man. Remember America i knew this girl for a couple of years and recently we decided to move things on the romantic level. Since its early in our dating i dont have to worry much about meeting the parents like Brn Stiller...i'm totally for family. Really i am. But she clearly mention she has no relationship with her parents. Now the good news is thather sister and her are very close and she like my girl open to all. So that made me feel good for her to have someone to support her. Someday if or when i do meet her parents im be totally the opposite of what they may think and present myself as a gentleman with intelligence and open mind dialogue. I would sit and want to hear therd doctrines without immature out burst. I want to de germinate there thinking.....

Ms Harmony....
Hey tou well. I hear your wisdom and know this ...your boy EyeAm is a smart man.....i spot red flags a mile away. If i meet them great if i never meet them life goes on....i am an advocate for family. Thats important. But im also a believer of people making there own destiny when it comes to decision making too. Wr taking things slow and its feels great.

Interracial Relationships are Very common for Years now. Unfortunately some parents may be still against it for their Children and that makes a relationship harder for that couple.

I have a friend from Pittsburgh . PA has many interracial dating.

Maybe you just got a young woman with prejudice parents.

Old Kid 46

Welcome to my cyber Mansion where we spill the Henessy. I read your comment and i do agree with you absolutely. So you saying not to judge her parents racism ? Which by the way i havent met them even when we was just friends or acquaintances. I can support that .i dont want to be the Dr King Or Ghandi of our relationship. But i do want to eliminate the germ thoughts of ill will. Racism is taught....but what if you was shown another side of perception. It wont bother me if i never met her parents but i dont want that for her. I want her to bridge a gap with them over time.

If I may venture off-topic for a moment...

Firstly, I just want to say that EyeAm is a good guy.

It's been awhile since I've seen him active in the forums, but I remember posting in a number of this threads simply because of his intelligence and open-mindedness. So when I saw this thread with his name as the OP, I had to check it out.

And if myself - or anyone else here - can help a good man like EyeAm out with this situation to his personal satisfaction, I'll be very happy.


Secondly, the situation presented is close to one of my own personal fears from my last relationship, which also was interracial. In fact, I often feared what her daughter might have to deal with, so I made it my purpose to be her defender against racism. My ex could handle herself -- I just needed to be backup in a supporting role. But a child? No way I was going let others tear her down just because of the shade of her skin.


So I really just wanted to take a moment here to let EyeAm know that I can personally relate to his situation. It's something I spent a lot of time thinking about during my last relationship.

ActionLynx

Welcome nice to see you post.....i read yoir comment and you made sense and i value your thoughts. The wedge she has between her mom & dad is serious. I had a talk with her about how she feels truly about her parents she looked into me with her green eyes and told me if they cant accept her daughter inspite of there views then she dont need them. So i kindly told her well i dont want to be danny downer but do. You have a plan b incase they dont? See i believe we can go far as long as we continue to be honest with each other like we always do. On a happier note im a few years older than her so to make light at least this old man has a young hot girl.

IgorFrankensteen

Welcome back....good to see you post a comment. I value your thoughts as well. You said something which i strongly agree with an open mind. Its been said love conquers all.....thats a romantic concept.....well its a great love story lesson at the end of a book.....but i also believe in rebellion. Not the rebellion meaning anarchy, terror, or breaking laws. My rebellion means EyeAm going to be EyeAm. Would this be the same issue if i was dating a white transgender? Even though im straight but in this life this world always have us placed in some sort of box. We either or the or.....the right or the left. EyeAm goes out the lines. Like i mention in a previous post im no dummy but honestly we have a great thing going on no trouble at least between us. My friends her friends are suppotive that she dating crazy EyeAm.....lol but seriously im for family....i believe your parents support is very valuable. It makes you feel loved and you can do all. But sometimes parents can be wrong. Mayne good people with old pre civil war ideologues. I will support her. Stand by any decision she makes. Im not going to force her to do anything she not ready or open to do even if its not being with her parents right now. Niw my. Family loves her to death. My mom is crazy about her and i know what that feels like to have parental acceptance.

ToddyGirl.....

Welcome thanks for spilling tue Henessy with us....you are absolutely correct.....mixed dating been around foe years. Believe it or not she wasnt my first italian girl......i datef Russians Blacks A few Asians , Latins and Caribbeans. I just haplen to like my best friend. I like her look very exotic like if you ever seen Mob Wives onVH1 .....not to advertise but she looks like a copy version of Natalie.....i like her personality and the way she treats me like an equal and a king. We joke we laugh and the affection is there. We good and we will continue to grow. Pittsburgh......Da Burgh....do have a interacial dating community. But outside of that city lets just say its the North version of the south....lol

Dante....

Welcome to my Cyber Mansion where we spill the Henessy of topics that matters. You on the money with everything you wrote. Being scared of losing tradition will effect thoughts. To change or to compromise difference will make anybody feel uncomfortable and uneasy. But if its safe to say that openiness can bring you heights beyond tradition? I give you a example....if my daughter came home for the holidays to meet her white boyfriend...all my life i taught her the traditions that was passed down to me to her....follow me for an example and she stepped out of that ideology. As fatherni maybe mad upset livid even combative. But what im not learning is his agenda with my daughter and maybe here where he's coming from and his interest then i may say you like the Eagles too.....hmmmm....listen maybe we can drink a can or two watch it together..what do you say? And from there you dialogue. Then another interest comes up...Hey babe Tanyas new boyfriend in college. Hes not beating or cheating l on her. Hes not talking ignorant and he seems to not live up to the sterotypes we see on tv esprcially the news. He had no prior convictions and hes spiritual. After time that story will change to.....Mr EyeAm. I wanted to do the right thing and ask you can i marry your daughter? After while my perception of him change andni would changenbut only if someone open enough and willing to invest the time to see that.....

This woman clearly doesn't see color, so my POV is, it really doesn't make one bit of difference if her parents have racial issues, whether you're around or not yourself makes little difference in the overall picture of things "her world" with "her relatives"


You want her to mend some kind of relationship with her mother? Isn't that a lil out of your scope? The issues between them are dated, you know that, they have not improved over time and/or the existence of the child hasn't changed any of that. A sweet innocent child born has NOT changed a damn thing.


No eye, you ain't in no relation with the Klan friend, stop being so dramatic over this and have a great day. HER family is not your circus, business or concern.


EDIT*

I'll have a Hennessy XO.... Cheers!

My my You have All this experience and you asking Mingle2 members what you should do about your situation !!

Your dating the woman.. not her parents, right?.

So, why would you care what her parents think. I mean if you were 18 then yeah.. but you are not and neither is she.