took a girl out on a first date, it went great. flirting, blowing kisses across the table, actual kiss at the end, future date plans, and we got drunk and even cried a little bit on eachother.

i was a bit aggressive on text- i like you lets go out again.

her response- im not ready for a relationship, lets meet again but only as friends.

most likely its from lack of attraction, but what she showed me in person was A LOT of attraction.

UPDATE:

i drilled her about this today. she seemed like she wasn't interested in me in general. says im not ready for a relationship, nor is she.

but she keeps saying she still wants to meet again, as friends.

i said next time we meet in my mind i'm treating it as a date.

she says thats fine.

i've never had to deal with such a mixed response. not that i get friendzoned often. its usually hard yes or no, mostly no.

what is going on here? the flirt was so strong last night- 'youre cute, nice eyes, ect' from her part with fake kisses and an actual kiss at the end, planning of future dates, and then the next day over text, this.

what do you guys think?

It sounds like she knows you are not the 'one' but is
willing to play along for a bit.

I would dump her until she shows interest.

so i pushed it when it should've gone slow and now she's said no since i had to force her for an ultimatum so early?

but when a girl is interested enough this doesn't really matter as much in my experience.

and the level of attraction she showed on our first date was A LOT more than what i've gotten from my recent ex's.

the level of attraction and the sudden coldness baffles me.

i cried a little bit at the bar, and she started crying with me to. to me that was a big connection.

also she did say (could be a lie) that she's started her period.... could the mood swing be a factor?

do you think there's still a chance?

i dunno. alcohol, though it wasn't much of it involved, did make me a bit sad.

im a light drinker and she knows it.

initially her reply was

'i wanna see you again but i'm not ready to love someone'

and then i pushed that with texts to where now she has friendzoned me.

um... did i mess up?

yes you messed up big time.
never push that hard.
is it damaged beyond repair?? only she knows
stop pushing. slow down and actually listen to her.
by not listening to her and pushing for more faster you called her stupid and a liar. not a good way to win friendship or love

I agree with klc and Eric!

klc, i do not objectify women.

all i did was confess how much i had started liking her, and then my main point mostly was to keep it casual and see where it goes.

in my experience the first part, the confession, rarely does any harm.


ands thanks for much good advises so far. im not here to argue, guys. only for insight.

This, except it IS damaged beyond repair. You can get away with poor behavior if somebody loves you, but this woman doesn't even know you. You behaved like an azz and paid the price. Chalk it up in the lesson learned column and move on.

Don't rationalize your behavior unless you want to continue making mistakes. You effed up. Case closed. Move on. Hopefully you learned something. If not, this scenario will repeat itself.

we had a 10 hr date together which went great- couldn't stop staring eachother, kiss, hold hands, and i felt like she really liked me- wouldn't stop asking questions about me.

it was easily one of the strongest dates i ever had.

i always keep it casual on text but just the strength of attraction in person made me... text harder.

i did tell her i will treat it in my head like a date next time and she said that was fine.

i'm going to consider that my last shot at this.

Some people throw candy, others pick it up and think, it is a whole choccolate factory ...


What I am trying to say is, a bit of flirty stuff doesn't mean, the other person loves us with a flick of a switch. But the 'not ready for a relationship' usually means to me, I am not the chosen one

She just looking for dinning & winning
You go girl

So, a man goes online to ask strangers to analyze a women whose identity they don't even know.

What is wrong with this picture?

funny

I’m going out on a limb here but I’m going to say this

1. If I want to go slow and develop a friendship first I don’t sit and hold hands and blow kisses across the table with a man I just met. That most definitely is sending mixed messages

2. If I took it too far on a first meeting and then regretted it the next morning I need to own that and apologize. Hopefully the guy will understand. The apology would help and redefine boundaries.

Personally I think you need to move on. Mixed messages and no apology spells future problems.

As a woman my behaviour needs to match my words. If a little alcohol prevents me from taking it too far then I better stop drinking alcohol on a first meeting. I am responsible for my behaviour. There are ways to let a guy know you are interested besides blowing kisses. You could just say, “I’d like to see you again”.

she did say 'lets mee again' multiple times. im telling her landmarks and she was like 'take me there' and such.

yes the flirt was verrry strong- stronger than my 2 previous ex's on our first night. that's why i thought it was a sure thing.

my exact texts were -

lets meet again. i truly like you. i wont screw this up.

her response-

i'd like to see you again but i have to be honest with you i have too much to work through before giving anyone my heart

me-

i can help you work on that

her-

it's like the last relationship took something from me... (ect,ect)

me-

i wanna give you my best. i hope you give me a chance

her-

im not ready to give anyone my heart atm

me-

so it's a no...
give it a chance please (ect. ect.)

and thats when she responded with the dreaded F word-

i can be your friend but i dont want to give you an idea its more than that.

Wait, What? You cried on the first date?

Smoothe move ex-lax

I wouldn't waste my time on her. She seems to keep you on hold, and tze next thing you see is a pic of her, with her actual lover, being of course happy in love

seriously, guys, i only pushed that hard because the show of attraction on her side was too strong. i've been doing online dating for years now, couple relationships through it, and i know how the flow is.

but the way she was, was just too damn different. we couldnt stop staring at eachother, eye giggles, when i was off to bathroom she was just staring at me, telling me i'm cute countless times, asking me countless questions ('oh youre so interesting to me'), i also told her she was beautiful just as much,

and then at the wine bar, just staring in silence, after we make vague future date plans (lets go here there oh yes), and then alcohol makes me a bit depressed, she says i have sad eyes, i kinda let out a little tear, and then she looks away starts crying, i grab her hand then, tell her to stay with me tonite, but she says she has to go home (which i don't see it as rejection at that point. i've had hookups and one night stands but my long term girlfriends NEVER slept with me on the first night) before we depart i give her a kiss on the lips, and then one on her forehead.

and then that texting mess hours later....

we're in our 30s btw. shes a school teacher. seemed mentally very stable.