In another thread, someone focused on a series called Friends.

in the series the blonde was not in any way having an 'attraction' towards the nerd just on initial appearance. She did get to know him better and experience things with him however that caused an attraction to develop.

I know the media and the culture seem to favor the idea that attraction is just immediate and asthetic, but I can relate more to Friends because there are so many things besides ashethic features that I find myself 'attracted' to. And often these things seem to change the way I even view someone's asthetic features in a different way.

I have two examples, one a younger serbian guy named Neb and a black guy my age named Mark. I would not have really looked twice on them on the street and asthetically I probably would not initially have considered them especially attractive (more like average). But after getting to know Neb and his sexy character, wit, humor, swag, values, standards, interests, I developed an attraction and we ended up dating.

And after getting to know Mark, who had pretty much those same traits, I developed an attraction to him and we began to date as well.


Have you experienced situations where there was an attraction that didnt just 'happen' but developed over time instead?

I am jealous of Mark and Neb.

I don'tt develop attaction, it's from day one!!


I am attracted to the man when I first meet, if we are to become activity partners , doing things together. He's not a romantic partner but I am attracted to him and hes attached to Me, Because he ask me out.

That doesn't mean I want a Relationship or marriage.

Men have to be attracted to a woman to ask her out.

But I can go out with a man, for nice character, even when he's a plain face and overweight a bit.

Its never happened to me personally, but I know others that it has.

Some people can be attracted to someone over time, and some like me cant.

Some of us knows within 30 seconds of meeting if they are friends material or lover material.

And some its just a matter of time, patience, fate and luck.

nothing is written in stone but its not carved in butter either.

It happened to me once, and boy, what a bleeping disaster that turned in to! And I mean disaster in capitals!
It only turned into attraction because as a narcissist he managed to sense my sore spots, and he pushed those buttons. Otherwise nothing would've ever come from it as I wasn't attracted to him.

I do think it can occasionally happen, but I'm more of having to feel something right away. Maybe that's cos I'm quite sensitive to energies and can feel and sense really fast if there's something there or not.
I can be equally not attracted to good-looking men. In that sense it's never really about looks for me, it's about the feel, the vibe that attracts my attention.

It happened a few times.
The guys were not really exceptionally good looking and didn’t draw a lot of interest from other girls either but I got befriended with them and after a few months I realised how attracted I was to their maturity, intelligence, mystery, their properly maintained hygiene, their outlook on life, their humor. Usually the appearence is 70% of the deal for me and 30% is personality. I rather get attracted to handsome, mean machos than to kind, friendly nerds. I’m superficial.

When going on 1st dates there are yes no and maybe. I went out with a guy and he told me attraction should be immediate. It's not for everyone.

No.
I've never settled and tend not to lie to myself about attraction.


That's an oversimplification (especially since you're using a term like "the culture" without much definition)
Media has to focus on the aesthetic and the writers and what's going to sell to the most number of people to keep them tuning in. That generally means catering to stereotypes, populism, hopes, and/or fears.
Culture favors the idea that attraction is immediate and based mostly on indirect communication which is shortcutted in social, direct, face to face communication towards the aesthetic because it's easier (more efficient) to explain and point to as evidence.

You pick up a lot of information from the "aesthetic."
Your brain does a lot of natural math when seeing someone. Healthiness of the physical, mental, social, cultural, DNA etc. in comparison to everyone else you've experienced as well as the relationships you are in at the moment.


Dating doesn't really matter.
Did you bear them any children, and did you then stick around each other long enough to keep any alive long enough to be able to run away from lions and eat berries.

If not, then dating is no different than people that buy tiny dogs, dress them up, and tell people the dog is their "child," and how they know how it feels to be a parent.
It's a delusional game sought for personal social masturbation.

Anyway, back to the whole "developed an attraction to..."
Look at people with "fetishes," (definition in general use rather than dictionary) ranging from shoes to BDSM.

People can literally train themselves to become aroused, to feel "attraction," to associate sexually with objects, or events that cause them pain, or fulfilling certain roles.

Would you really say the guy that gets a hard on for shoes could have the same relationship with a pair of pumps as two people with ideal golden ratios?

Or how about something more simple. If you ran into another you from another dimension, only the other you gave up their kid for adoption at birth, do you think the adoptive mother could love your kid and be as good or better a mother than you are to your child in this reality? Would you take it for granted that the mother who "developed over time" a bond with that kid turned out a kid better than you did?

Do you think the instant bonding, the instant "attraction" a birth mother has for their kid is no better, different, and/or possibly less ideal than when an adoptive mother "develops a bond" with some random child?



Developing (sexual) attraction "over time" means the person either:
1. Lied to themselves this entire time about their attraction and are just now letting it out, acknowledging it.
2. Has started to lie to themselves to develop an attraction for some reason (desperation, lack of other candidates, need for sex, wanting to push/manipulate the boundaries of a relationship in order to develop more clear communication aka games figuring out what they want or what will happen).


IME people who avoid the instant attraction are too scared of the risks. They're too scared to take a chance so settle. They're too scared of being seen as weak, or needy, or out of control, so avoid at all costs the potential emotional risks the hormones of extreme attraction wreak, preferring to baby step and control their way into relationships that are almost always guaranteed to fail, but, meh, for a while they're "good enough" and not as scary.

Yes I think it’s very easy to develop an attraction to someone based on who they are versus what they look like in my opinion it’s better that way looks fade but personality is forever...

Some of y'all over think this crap...

J/s...

Attraction can be fatal though, triggering mind games. Focus on reality is essential. jmo

There are already - way way too many blondes, and fake blondes trying to be blonde.
So, I have begun to shun all blondes on general principles of the basis that 7 out of 10 haves crap for brains.
They prove this every time they try to make conversation.
It seems it ish futile effort from here on and uphill all the way.

huh???

good lord give me strength some nights.

Well I 4 one am naht, hard up or desperate.
I post a clear photo of what I look like in real life.

Some " y all " can't spell and sound like a hill billy. i don't know what naht means.

It ishn't entirely impossible, but it hash to be mutual, to be acquainted ash friends to take the time to really get to know them, and allow them to grow upon you.

What turns me off though above all other things, is when they start to bring their religion and religious dogma into discussion when they run out of things to talk about.
I would rather learn to appreciate the real you, than the fake you you portray to the superficial world of pop culture and pretentiousness.