Hi,

so at school there was this girl that I befriended and we became really good friends for a few months. But once I started socializing with other people and when I went to sit next to other people to get to know them better, she and her group couldn’t grasp that and she and her 2 friends started to ignore me.
Fast forward, the finals are finished and it’s summer. Now she started messaging to meet up and to join her and her two friends for dinner at her home because her parents were away for a week.

I did not take this well because she showed secretive behavior by ignoring me for months together with her group and then having the guts to invite me all of a sudden.

So I messaged back and told her that I didn’t like her way of behaving. That it is mean to treat people this way and that I prefer people who are straight forward instead of sneaky and secretive.

She messaged back that she did that because I never sat next to her and her friends anymore and that she always had to come to me to have some contact with me and that it bothered her that I never took the time to go over to her to have contact.

The thing is, she is bisexual and started looking in an admiring way at me during the courses, she started following me everywhere and plain out made me uncomfortable and started texting me late at night when it’s not appropriate anymore to contact anyone.

I mean, I don’t want to form one small group. I like to socialize with everybody a bit without committing myself to a certain group.

So when I went sitting next to other people and not next to her and her friends, she and her friends started to freak out.

She told one of her friends,who told me back, that I was the “ best of both worlds “ and that little sentence disguested me.
So I just started ignoring her too and went on with my university life to get to meet other people.

She made a drama about the fact that I removed her from my friend list on Facebook.
I mean, it’s just Facebook.

I told her that I wouldn’t accept her invitation to join them for dinner and that I was fine with how the situation was now ( no contact ) and that I didn’t feel a need to change anything about that and that I would appreciate it if she and her two friends left me alone after summer. That there were other people that I prefered hanging out with.

She and her two friends are always with three and don’t have anybody else. They always were forcing me to sit next to them. Don’t get me wrong, sitting next to each other every now and then is fine but not every course, week after week.

During lunch breaks I also wanted to get to know other people, socialize with other people and sit next to other people during classes and they couldn’t grasp that I socialized with people outside of their group, in the classroom.

I mean, there are 600+ students in my class, it’s not realistic to only get to know three of them. That would be anti-social towards the rest.

There were other interesting people that I wanted to get to know.

Those 3 people I talk about came over to me every time, I never went over to them. Just because I didn’t feel a click. I never considered them interesting people and I never considered them to be friends. That’s why I socialized with others. People that I did find interesting.

Now to end the story :
I told her to leave me alone and that I was content with having gone no contact, when she messaged me. And she behaved like she was the victim. That she didn’t understand why I went no contact.
I mean, she made me uncomfortable. I don’t like it when a person follows me 24/7 and wants me to be with them alone all the day without me getting to know others. And that is what that little group did. They couldn’t stand it when I talked to others.

My mother was of the opinion that I have been too harsh on them by asking them to not ever contact me again, as a response on their invitation for me to dinner with them.
They are 18, turning 19. I’m 22. And that’s where my mother thinks I have been too harsh. That they are still maturing and make mistakes and that I need to learn to forget and forgive.
But I don’t really agree. I mean, I don’t owe my time to people I’m not interested hanging out with, so why should I hang out with them against my will?

I don’t see where I went in the wrong. It was them that went in the wrong.

Honestly Ms.EllisaisTrans.

This is way too much drama, it doesn't matter who was right or wrong, its too much drama , this is an episode of masterpiece theater.

They don't sound like real friends, I have to ask, do you not have real friends?

As for the Facebook part? this is another reason why I refuse to be on facebook, this is the kind of drama I don't need.

You are 22 and they are 18 and 19, time to upgrade and find people your age to associate with and leave the little high school girl drama where it belongs.

Good to see you back friend.

At university you have people of all ages.

18 and 19 is adult. They are not minors.
I’m only 22, not 76. So why couldn’t I befriend people who are adults in their late teens?
Only a couple years difference.

Like I said, I like socializing with many people, I don’t restrict myself to one or two people. Rather to multiple people.

I have friends between the ages of 18 and 65. A broad range.

And yes, at one point I considered them real friends but not anymore. I don’t like their secretive behavior.
And yes, I have other friends outside of them, real friends who are there for me.

Concerning the theater : that’s what they made out of it.
I just put them back in their place.

Elissa.

Ms.EllisaisTrans,

This is one of the problems with your generation, they don't understand what friendship is or what a true friend is.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

If that is your definition of real friends then I only have three real friends.

One of 24 years old, one of 21 years old and one of 65 years old.
People who would even give me a roof above my head if I lost my house.

The other people I’m befriended with are good people too but the friendship is rather superficial.

you are a young woman to me.. and I meant that in a good way. I like you :)

So I hope you don't mind some fatherly advice

You have to let things roll off your shoulders, otherwise it is to be a long stressful life. worry about the big things ( and they will come).. and let the little things slide

Miss Ellissa, that isn't my definition of real friends that is the definition of a real friend

If you have 3 people that fall under that category I would be spending most my time with them.

There is an old saying if you have one true friend in life you are truly blessed.

I have 5 people not including my parents that I call "real friends" the majority of them Ive been friends with since I was 7 years old.

I know a lot of people but I gladly call 5 of them "friends".

I wish you luck on your journey Miss Ellissa.

In my 56 years of being on this earth, I've only had one real friend. About 5 years ago I had a really hard patch to go through. In my life, I've never really needed anyone. The one time I really needed help, everybody but one split and left me to deal with it all by myself.

That was when I found out after all those years I only had one real friend. And she was the one that I didn't think was really that much of a friend. The ones that I really thought was my friend, wasn't.

When you find yourself in real need, that's when you find out whether your friends are real or not. That's when you find out who really gives a damn about you. And who doesn't.

I had a friend stick with me when my life was in a terrible mess. Then he got pissed off at me when my life turned around. People are funny.

Aww, thanks, I like you too Greeneyes48. You are a good person with a lovely sense of humor.
I know I worry about little things. I can’t help it. Has always been this way. Been through so much that I stress over the little things now. Pretty sure the stress will kill me someday xP

Sounds like a ruse.

I second that

ElissaIsTrans,
Please don't take this wrong.

This is an example of childish games people play with each other instead of being honest with each other and communicating like adults.
Its the kind of social behavior of high school kids.
Its amazing how many full grown adults handle their social lives playing high school games with each other. I've seen this from people in their 50s.

Another thing that happens is that people sometimes get so wrapped up in their own lives they fail to consider other peoples view on their actions.
Its a touch of narcissism. When both parties are like this the inter-play becomes a drama filled game of he said/she said or in this case, she said/she said. Either participant will do things to spite the other so they have a sense that they are 'winning' the game. Neither can see that just 'playing' the game makes them both losers.

Inter-personal skills take time to develop. Wisdom is gained by experience and you're still pretty close to the age where high school social dynamics were a large part of your wisdom. Unchecked, it could develop into a sardonic (cynical) outlook on people in general. The more precisely you communicate with others the more effective your communication becomes.
Tact and honesty makes everything easier and less complicated.

LIFE IS A THEATER
Invite Your Audience Carefully

Not everyone is healthy enough to have a front row seat in our lives. There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a DISTANCE.
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of, or at least minimize your time with, draining, negative, incompatible, not-going-anywhere relationships/friendships.
Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention.
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill?
When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse?
Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know or appreciate you?
The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of Your Life.
"If you cannot change the people around you, CHANGE the people you are around."
Remember that the people we hang with will have an impact on both our lives and our income.
And so we must be careful to choose the people we hang out with, as well as the information with which we feed our minds.
We should not share our dreams with negative people, Nor feed our dreams with negative thoughts.

It's your choice and your life..... It's up to you, who and what you let in it......

or not...

^^^Enlightenment^^^